Post # 1
As a 31 yr old woman in a 3.5 yr relationship, I am ready to get engaged. He knows it. We communicate about it. He’s getting frustrated that I continue to bring it up periodically. I’m getting frustrated that I feel like he’s not hearing me or understanding why I’m ready or that it hurts me that he’s not ready to make a life-long commitment.
Since I sit in front of a computer all day, my natural reaction is to Google it…over and over again. Today was the first time that I stumbled onto this board. Specifically, I stumbled onto a thread about jealousy when other people get engaged (despite their young age or the brevity of their relationship). I felt like so many of the posts were exactly how I felt…especially the last post about how “waiting” is a shot in the heart every single day….to know that, for whatever reason, i’m not good enough to be someone that he unequivocably knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with. And truly, I know it’s not me…I know it’s just that he’s not ready. But it hurts. It hurts every single day.
I am so ready to get married. I’ve even giving up waiting on him — I already look at dresses and magazines, etc. It doesn’t help that we’ve attended 5-6 of his friends’/families’ weddings, plus I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my brother’s upcoming wedding (2 yr engagement). But obviously, all of the wedding websites are for brides who excited about their forthcoming wedding….and I’m not there yet.
Finally, a place where other ladies are anxiously waiting like me. I am so relieved to have found this board. And yes, I’m trying to cope…I’m trying to not push, to have my own life, to PATIENTLY wait until he is ready. But it’s a hard place to be….
Post # 3
Hi Ms. Nelson,
Welcome to the hive!! We are all in the same boat here. I’m 31 too and very anxious about being engaged. Being on the bee has helped me a lot. All the advice and well wishers really helps. What does you Boyfriend or Best Friend tell you when you talk about marriage? What are the reasons to why he is not ready? I’ve been bringing it up to my boyfriend and he really does not give me any real feed back. I’m going to try harder tonight. I have told him that I’m very stressed out about it and that I want to have children soon. I’ve been with him for 11 yrs now so I’m really in a snag!! I know how hard it is to wait and wait and wait. We’re here for you!!
Post # 4
Welcome to the boards!! You will love it here!
Post # 5
Welcome! The board is a great place to vent and share opinions when you’re having a bad day or a great day.
Post # 6
Welcome MsNelson. 14-year relationship for a 33 year old, here. Since we’ve had some pretty rough times with my dysfunctional family and started dating very young, I understand some of the problems my BF’s having with marriage, but thought that turnig 30+ would be a cue to get a move on. The recent 6 couples around me getting angaged and or married in this past and upcoming year are not helping me simply live day-to-day without the same doubts and worries you have. Since a couple, whom I love and am very happy for, got engaged afer being together 9 months this September, and another couple whose been engaged but in a holding pattern annouced a date finally for their wedding, I have been a wreck, feeling like the most wicked, evil, jealous woman in the world because my hapiness for my friends is often eclipsed by my feelings of, “Why am I not good enough?” (AND his LITTLE brother just got engaged last week to his Girlfriend of 10 years – happy for them, feel like an ugly old crone myself)
It’s been SO helpful to know that I am not alone in my feelings, that it’s NOT about a big pary of a white dress – it’s that until he asks that important question, it’s normal for me to feel rejected. I DO know that talking about it contantly does you no good – talk about it calmly and seriously once – make your wants and needs clear – this is not an ultimatum, but guys seem to be happy cruising along unmarried more than woemn, partly because the world doesn’t really treat them too badly in that case, while WE’RE the ones who get asked the akward questions, who get asked when we’re going to become “honest” women (thank for implying I’m a whore, ppl), and have to feel uncomfortable when we have the wrong last name. Don’t try to pursuade, just say you never pictured yourself as unmarried at age ??, and that it’s imortant to you.
Mr. Coffee has written a post on what to do to make proposals and marraige more attractive to your SO, and a lot of it involves backing off on marraige talk. If it weren’t for the wedding coming up Jan. 1st, and the others in mach and June, this would be easy, so I’m settinling for only talking about things with the upcoming brides and those involved in planning showers. I’ve cried about how I feel for a weekend, we had a serious talk where he told me that for what he wants to do, he couldn’t marry me for about 2 more years. He’s got some family issues he wants sorted out, he wants a destination wedding, and he’s about 5 years off where he should be professionaly because he goofed off in college. I figure if things aren’t where I want by then I get to make the fun choice of staying in a relationship that has been my all, but lacking in the fact we’re nothing more than a “domestic partnership”, or giving up on it all and moving out, even if it’s not in the hope of marriage to someone with less-draggy feet. I’m setting some goal for myself – like to be further along on getting out of debt and paying off my car by then. I guess that’d put me in a better place to decide about sticking around with a naked hand and the name of a family who disonwed me, or leaving with the same.
Post # 7
Welcome to the hive! I too, thought that I was the only one who had these (sometimes) insane feelings and emotional overloads. It is so nice to know that we are not alone. The waiting boards are a great place to get out all of our frustrations and feelings. And we know that we won’t be judged, b/c most of us are in the same boat, and we will support one another through our waiting ups and downs.
Post # 8
This is the most amazing site with such cool and supportive bees, and I know you’re going to have lots of fun here! Welcome to the Hive!
Post # 9
Welcome! I agree- this site does make waiting a lot easier!:)
Post # 10
@msnelson13: Hi and welcome to the Bee!!! Let the venting begin!!!!
Post # 11
Hi! Welcome to the board!
I know how you feel about emotional outbursts! Thankfully I haven’t had any lately since the Christmas challenge, but I’ve been temted to! Join the Christmas challenge also. It’s definitely has helped me
Post # 12
thank you so much for all of your welcome wishes!!! like I said in my original post, I am so relieved to have found a place that can relate to our “wedding status”.
before I realized that anyone had responded to this thread, I actually ended up starting a separate thread about “my story”. so that’s where I put all the details of my relationship.
Post # 13
Welcome, I am new here also! I recently got engaged (finally!) but I know how you feel. We have been together for 8.5 years, living together for 3. Over the last couple of years, we have gone to numerous weddings, and everytime it was more of a knife in the back than a joyous celebration to me.
We had talked about marriage, and he told me he wanted to marry me, but that he just “wasn’t ready”. In my head, I was thinking, WTF? We’ve been together all this time & you’re not ready?! We even went together and bought the e-ring this May, and alllll summmer long, I still never got it. I drove myself crazy nagging him about it which only made it worse and probably prolonged the occassion now that I think about it! So I finally got it at the end of Sept., and it was a really special day & I’m glad he did it the way he did, but man was it painful waiting!
Ultimately, looking back on things I am glad we have waited. We’ve both been in college for what seems like forever and he was laid off last year right before Christmas. He has told me in the past that he was afraid he couldn’t provide for us as a married couple. So I understand a lot of his reasonings. Plus, I think when it comes to a lot of guys, the word marriage and all that comes with it (party planning, bridezillas, etc.) freaks them out!
So anyways, I know how you feel with the waiting thing. I’m glad you found this website because it has already helped me in a lot of ways and I’m sure it will do the same for you. Best of luck and keep us posted! 🙂
Post # 14
Welcome to the hive! This is a great place to vent as you already know and it helps keep us sane during the waiting period.