(Closed) finally…a place where i fit in!!!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Hi Ms. Nelson,

Welcome to the hive!!  We are all in the same boat here.  I’m 31 too and very anxious about being engaged.  Being on the bee has helped me a lot.  All the advice and well wishers really helps.  What does you Boyfriend or Best Friend tell you when you talk about marriage? What are the reasons to why he is not ready? I’ve been bringing it up to my boyfriend and he really does not give me any real feed back.  I’m going to try harder tonight.  I have told him that I’m very stressed out about it and that I want to have children soon.  I’ve been with him for 11 yrs now so I’m really in a snag!!  I know how hard it is to wait and wait and wait.  We’re here for you!!

Post # 4
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

Welcome to the boards!! You will love it here!

Post # 5
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

Welcome! The board is a great place to vent and share opinions when you’re having a bad day or a great day.

GVD

Post # 6
Member
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Welcome MsNelson.  14-year relationship for a 33 year old, here.  Since we’ve had some pretty rough times with my dysfunctional family and started dating very young, I understand some of the problems my BF’s having with marriage, but thought that turnig 30+ would be a cue to get a move on.  The recent 6 couples around me getting angaged and or married in this past and upcoming year are not helping me simply live day-to-day without the same doubts and worries you have.  Since a couple, whom I love and am very happy for, got engaged afer being together 9 months this September, and another couple whose been engaged but in a holding pattern annouced a date finally for their wedding, I have been a wreck, feeling like the most wicked, evil, jealous woman in the world because my hapiness for my friends is often eclipsed by my feelings of, “Why am I not good enough?” (AND his LITTLE brother just got engaged last week to his Girlfriend of 10 years – happy for them, feel like an ugly old crone myself)

It’s been SO helpful to know that I am not alone in my feelings, that it’s NOT about a big pary of a white dress – it’s that until he asks that important question, it’s normal for me to feel rejected.  I DO know that talking about it contantly does you no good – talk about it calmly and seriously once – make your wants  and needs clear – this is not an ultimatum, but guys seem to be happy cruising along unmarried more than woemn, partly because the world doesn’t really treat them too badly in that case, while WE’RE the ones who get asked the akward questions, who get asked when we’re going to become “honest” women (thank for implying I’m a whore, ppl), and have to feel uncomfortable when we have the wrong last name.  Don’t try to pursuade, just say you never pictured yourself as unmarried at age ??, and that it’s imortant to you. 

Mr. Coffee has written a post on what to do to make proposals and marraige more attractive to your SO, and a lot of it involves backing off on marraige talk.  If it weren’t for the wedding coming up Jan. 1st, and the others in mach and June, this would be easy, so I’m settinling for only talking about things with the upcoming brides and those involved in planning showers.  I’ve cried about how I feel for a weekend, we had a serious talk where he told me that for what he wants to do, he couldn’t marry me for about 2 more years.  He’s got some family issues he wants sorted out, he wants a destination wedding, and he’s about 5 years off where he should be professionaly because he goofed off in college.  I figure if things aren’t where I want by then I get to make the fun choice of staying in a relationship that has been my all, but lacking in the fact we’re nothing more than a “domestic partnership”, or giving up on it all and moving out, even if it’s not in the hope of marriage to someone with less-draggy feet.  I’m setting some goal for myself – like to be further along on getting out of debt and paying off my car by then.  I guess that’d put me in a better place to decide about sticking around with a naked hand and the name of a family who disonwed me, or leaving with the same.

Post # 7
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Welcome to the hive! I too, thought that I was the only one who had these (sometimes) insane feelings and emotional overloads. It is so nice to know that we are not alone. The waiting boards are a great place to get out all of our frustrations and feelings. And we know that we won’t be judged, b/c most of us are in the same boat, and we will support one another through our waiting ups and downs.

Again, welcome!

Post # 8
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

This is the most amazing site with such cool and supportive bees, and I know you’re going to have lots of fun here!  Welcome to the Hive!

Post # 9
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Welcome!  I agree- this site does make waiting a lot easier!:) 

Post # 10
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@msnelson13: Hi and welcome to the Bee!!! Let the venting begin!!!!

Post # 11
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Hi! Welcome to the board!

I know how you feel about emotional outbursts! Thankfully I haven’t had any lately since the Christmas challenge, but I’ve been temted to! Join the Christmas challenge also. It’s definitely has helped me

Post # 13
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Welcome, I am new here also! I recently got engaged (finally!) but I know how you feel.  We have been together for 8.5 years, living together for 3.  Over the last couple of years, we have gone to numerous weddings, and everytime it was more of a knife in the back than a joyous celebration to me.

We had talked about marriage, and he told me he wanted to marry me, but that he just “wasn’t ready”.  In my head, I was thinking, WTF? We’ve been together all this time & you’re not ready?! We even went together and bought the e-ring this May, and alllll summmer long, I still never got it. I drove myself crazy nagging him about it which only made it worse and probably prolonged the occassion now that I think about it! So I finally got it at the end of Sept., and it was a really special day & I’m glad he did it the way he did, but man was it painful waiting!

Ultimately, looking back on things I am glad we have waited.  We’ve both been in college for what seems like forever and he was laid off last year right before Christmas.  He has told me in the past that he was afraid he couldn’t provide for us as a married couple. So I understand a lot of his reasonings. Plus, I think when it comes to a lot of guys, the word marriage and all that comes with it (party planning, bridezillas, etc.) freaks them out!

So anyways, I know how you feel with the waiting thing. I’m glad you found this website because it has already helped me in a lot of ways and I’m sure it will do the same for you. Best of luck and keep us posted! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

Welcome to the hive!  This is a great place to vent as you already  know and it helps keep us sane during the waiting period.

The topic ‘finally…a place where i fit in!!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors