(Closed) Finance and Fiancee

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 2
1159 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

starlove2014:  Ummm… can you repeat the question?

Post # 3
1233 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Why doesn’t he just moved into the house you already own? Also, I recommend checking his math – it seems unlikely that by buying a house together and combining expenses like food and bills, he would be spending more money per month than he is just renting. Unless you’re planning on buying a huge house together. But $1700 a month in rent is not insubstantial – surely you can find a house with the monthly mortgage around that? Also: remind him that when you have a mortgage it is like putting $1000-$2000 a month in savings, as it goes toward equity on the house that you will get back if you sell it. But he is currently throwing away $1700 a month on rent.

Last, I would feel nervous about marrying any man who seemed reluctant to do so if it meant his finances might change. I mean, is he going to divorce you in the future if you lose your job? I think you guys should talk more.

Post # 4
2578 posts
Sugar bee

He seems more worried about money than being with you, I wouldn’t marry someone like that but thats just me.

Post # 5
5372 posts
Bee Keeper

starlove2014:  Why can’t you just move in with him or vice versa?  If you have 60K to put down on a house, you’re clearly saving money.  Instead of using that money to buy a new house, just sell one of the houses and move in together.  Don’t combine finances yet until you’re ready, but I think the best thing is one of you keeps the house you already own and sell the other.  Instead of buying a brand new one.  Use the savings you’ve saved up for a newer house down teh road.

Post # 7
721 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like your FI is tight with money and relative to him you are more of a spender.  Maybe as the years go on he will feel more established and more comfortable spending, but most likely he will always be tight with money.  You shouldn’t put down 100% of the down payment on a house and give him 50% ownership.  As for all the rest, we really don’t know you or your FI so it’s hard to give advice, but I would think about whether you and he are ready to be engaged.

Post # 8
4706 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

He sounds cheap and lazy to be perfectly honest..

I couldn’t tolerate someone who defaulted to me to pay for everything just because. I’d be very weary about selling your house and contributing 60k to a household with someone who doesn’t know what a reciprocity is in a relationship. You do everything, what exactly is he adding to your life?

Post # 9
4167 posts
Honey bee

It’s fiancé, not fiancée.

Post # 10
2578 posts
Sugar bee


KC-2722:  Exactly! perfect answer sounds like he is being super cheap because he knows she will make up the diffeerence.


OP he is kind of usuing you, relationships should be 50/50 unless someone wants to shoulder the majority of the responsibility, sounds like you don’t want to and are resentful. You should be! I think most people would be.

Sounds like my Ex Fiance I was a student making very little money he was in a professional job making good money. We lived in a standard that he enjoyed and expected me to pay half even though I didn’t have the income to support living like that. He was super cheap to begin with so I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Post # 11
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

Based solely on what you said, it doesnt sound like you’re in love with each other. You should finish your schooling and not worry about getting married. If leaving because he wants to talk about money is an option, then you’re not serious about the relationship. 

Post # 12
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

starlove2014: if you have to spend money on him for pretty basic stuff (like date night) and sell your house and put down 100% of the down payment AND he’s still dragging his feet, get a prenup. 

I hope to hell that you won’t need it, but if he’s not protecting you and providing for you as you are protecting and providing for him NOW, what will it look like when things get really hard?

Would you be 100% ok providing and providing when his capacity to give (and not just financially) is cool with having separate places because he doesn’t want to spend more building equity with you and would rather build equity for his landlord?

Post # 13
6899 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

“I pay for groceries by myself. He just come and eat, I wash his clothes, massage his feet, and serve his coffee. I don’t know what to do.”

…. Ummm…. I thought I had some advice, but then came to this. Sorry, I got nothing.

Post # 14
137 posts
Blushing bee

starlove2014:  Honestly, it’s not really your concern what he does with his money, its his money and he earnes it so can spend it as he pleases. I realise your in a relationship, but trying to control how people spent their money is never a good thing. I started getting lost towards the end of your post, are you expecting payment for all these “services” you provide like massaging his feet and serving his coffee? if you don’t like doing it, DON’T DO IT. It’s as simple as that. But suggesting someone owes you money because you cook, and clean, and massage his feet, and serve his coffee is insane, you aren’t his employee. Maybe I misunderstood your post, I hope so.

Is it mandatory to have a hug and an “i love you” after every discussion? I didn’t know this…I’ll go tell my Fiance.

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