- 4 years ago
I don’t know how to feel anymore. My partner of 4 years has just told me they have had feelings for their workmate for the last couple months. I noticed him acting distant and always messaging a female workmate so I decided to ask him about it.
First he said everything is fine, he loves me, we’re all okay. Then he said he’s unhappy because I’m not as out there/forward/talkative as I used to be. But once I pressed it he broke down crying and bit by bit I was able to get it out of him. Not only does he doubt our relationship, but he has feelings for the workmate. Apparently two weeks ago she confessed to him, and he responded by saying he feels the same way.
When I asked him if we should break up he said he’d doesn’t know and that he’s confused. He said he’s been unhappy for the last 1.5 years (since I started uni). My life is a mess too, I’m turning 25 with social anxiety and depression and trying to do uni (for the third time) . But uni has only made my anxiety and depression worse. I’m too scared to give him an ultimatum and ask whether he still has feelings for me, although the answer seems obvious now. He said he didn’t talk to me because he doesn’t want to hurt me (esp with my mental state) and it kills me to think that his guilt is the only reason he stayed with me. At the same time I feel so much guilt and regret for not more to manage my condition and unknowingly pushing him away.
I just feel so sick and empty inside. On top of that I’m terrified about what to do with my life, I know university just isn’t for me. I’ve wasted so much of my youth, and I have no skills or friends and I have four years of university debt. I’m scared of failure. I know that before I move on with my life I need to manage my illness but who knows how long that’s going to take. I just feel so empty and hopeless.