(Closed) Finances and relationships

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Splitting things “50/50” in the way you did is so weird to me. I could never asked Fiance to reimburse me after I bought groceries. In the beginning, we split things up–but in the sense that there were certain things I paid for and certain things we paid for. 

He is in the military and gets a housing allowance. When I moved in to his apartment, we agreed it would be silly for me to pay rent because technically, the military pays for it. All the utilities were in his name, so he paid those. I generally bought groceries. We each paid for our individual bills. He makes more money than I do and knew that we were in it for the long haul, so there was no problem with it.


I would have a major issue with the way things are being split in your relationship. 

Post # 4
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t understand why you’d split things 50/50 if he makes 5x more than you do.  You should pay 20% of the expenses and he should pay 80%.

Post # 5
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My Fiance makes 2.5x what I do. He pays rent and I pay all the little bills which actually end up equalling a third of the rent. We pretty much just grocery shop whenever we need it and whoever is out picks it up and we don’t pay each other back for it.

Post # 6
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My sister is in a similar position to you – except SHE is the main breadwinner and her partner is making <50% of what she does!

I have always thought that she had a strange attitude to money. She loves her partner, but has said that when she buys a house in the future, she will charge him rent. She very recently sold him her car (note: they live together). They split the bills 50/50 with her occasionally giving a bit extra.

I think that you are right in feeling that this is wrong. It IS wrong!


Post # 7
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Epicpooka:  I don’t think your wrong at all! It sounds like he’s being a cheapskate. And selfish.

Post # 8
3229 posts
Sugar bee

We used to split up bills proportional to our incomes. He paid 58% and I paid 42%. We just bought groceries whenever without splitting it up. It worked out very well and neither one of us were resentful at any time.

Post # 9
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you need to (unfortunately – obviously it won’t be fun) sit down with him and have a serious talk about finances.  You need to know how much each person actually has in TAKE HOME pay each month, and then divide expenses accordingly.  Otherwise it’s just not fair. I know its not a fun conversation but if you’re gonna stay together forever you need to get it figured out.

Right now I pay $950 in rent and Fiance pays $400 a month, because I make $50,000 a year and he makes $25,000.  We both buy groceries, but I definitely buy more.  I pay the household bills, again, due to the discrepancy in incomes.  Any extra he makes above what he spends, though, goes straight into his savings (which we see as our savings)

Post # 10
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think that he is being irrational, petty and a little greedy.  The apartment thing is especially weird.

I guess that kind of behavior would make me wonder what this person would be like as a long-term partner. He seems to be “keeping score” and using the split only when it’s in his benefit. Is this going to turn into someone who won’t get up in the middle of the night with the baby because he did it 4x last night and you only did it 3x? Or worse, someone who had ALL control over the money in your relationship forever?

My Fiance makes 4-5x more than I do. We split the rent where I pay a bit over 25% and I also pay a static bill (cable, since it’s always the same.) He covers the rest of the rent and our gas and electric, which vary quite a bit depending on the season and by consumption. I did most of the “day-to-day” grocery shopping (usually about $50 a week,) but he covers the big shopping trips we do every two weeks or so (usually $150ish.) He also knows that I’ve been stressing about my student loans, and I’ve had some health issues lately that have me really stressed about life and money and, as such, he is taking over my portion of the rent for a few months so I can relax. I never would have asked, but I also didn’t have to. That is how a relationship is supposed to work- you take care of eachother when you can.

Post # 11
719 posts
Busy bee

We had a REALLY hard time with finances the first 6 months we were married. I kept trying to set up systems where we would each pay certain bills or we would each contribute a certain percentage, etc.  My husband just wasn’t having it because he is (as Dave Ramsey says) the “free spirit”.  Also, because I get paid erratically because I’m self-employed, the timing never worked out.  So, around our 6 month anniversary, I finally realized that I need to be aware of what bills were due and whoever happens to get paid that week pays it.  It seems to work out well for us now and I don’t worry about how much each of us is paying since it’s all “our” money anyway. 

Post # 14
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @Epicpooka:  when it comes to splitting expenses there are basically 3 schools of thoughts on the issue…

1- 50/50

2- Percentages

3- Joint Finances

As someone who is an Encore Bride… and was married for over 20 Years using the 50/50 model I would say… emphatically DO NOT FOLLOW THIS MODEL.

And this is WHY…

MODEL # 1 – 50/50 works great when you are young and have nothing, and are relatively making the same money.  Not so great as you begin to accumulate wealth… especially so if one Spouse makes considerably more than the other… or one chooses to / needs to take off more time from their career to have / raise children.

As then suddenly the lower wage earner will find themself quite broke… trying to keep up to the bills etc.

And if you should ever separate / divorce… sadly, things will be even more uneven, as your Spouse very well will access to a lot more money than yourself… and therefore be in a position to BUY their way thru the court system (sad statement… but quite true about the Court System in some regard… he who has the Better Lawyer can sometimes WIN the case).

AND if you happen to be married to someone like my first Husband, they tend to after 20+ years of having made & kept most of the income coming into the home, believe that EVERYTHING that is theirs is THEIRS ALONE.  So forget about ever seeing your 50%… because they’ll clear out the Bank Accounts, run off with it, hide it off-shore, or just spend it !!


MODEL # 2 – Based on percentages, altho looking good at first glance (ie he makes 2x as much as you… so you pay 1/3 and he 2/3) it too has its discrepancies, as percentages aren’t truly fair either over the long term to the “partnership” of marriage… where each in the couple should be treated as Equal Partners.

MODEL # 3 – Is the one I now subscribe to… it is a more modern twist on the old Joint Banking System where a couple combined all their monies.  The model I fully support does this upfront for the important items, but still manages to keep some monies equally separate for each Spouse so they can make some determinations for themselves.

I refer to it as the A to L Model.  And you can read more about in this past topic:  (The key points are in my Posts # 6 and # 19)


Hope this helps,

PS… Personally I don’t believe in combining finances 100% prior to marriage… as I truly believe living with someone even Engaged, is different than being Married (and the courts do to).  If one does live together, I would consider getting a Co-habitation Agreement drawn up with a Lawyer, incase the relationship breaks down.  That is what I have done in the past when living with someone… (also a Will & Power of Attorney / Living Will etc so as to protect your rights).  Prior to marrying, I have subscribed to the percentages formula (Model # 2), as it is the fairest if there isn’t BIG STUFF at stake such as a House, Children etc.


Post # 16
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Epicpooka:  My Fiance and I were very similar, we split everything 50/50. We both just graduated and his parents had been giving him money for his half of things and I was working. This last year, I didn’t have a job for awhile so he covered what I couldn’t pay. We recently combined our bank accounts, so whatever is in there is ours. If you guys have such a huge difference in income he should definately cover more. I think you guys should have a discussion about what is getting paid for by who.

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