Post # 1
So I have another thread here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-family-doesnt-like-him-kinda-long but my main question on this one is whether or not you think that finances should play a role in when you get married, and in which way?
FH and I have been together for five years. We’ve faced our hardships and come out the other side. We’ve communicated and discussed every issue we could think of in preparation for talking about marriage. He waited until we were beyond sure that we were ready to be married to propose, and now that we are ready, we don’t want to wait. The only problems we have are my family not liking him very much and both of us not being financially stable… and those aren’t directly in our control like everything else was.
We know that we wanted a summer or early fall wedding…. Well, we’re not in fall yet, so what do we still have time for this year? (I registered my date as 27 Aug but it’s not officially set until the middle of this coming week) We don’t want a large wedding and while a honeymoon would be nice, it’s not essential.
Instead of waiting until next year or even the year after (it could take a while to be financially stable, you know??) and spending lots of extra money in order to fund separate households, we want to marry this year and save the extra money by living together. We’re not getting married because of money (and we have a few more reasons for a short engagement besides), but we think it would be foolish to not factor that in when thinking of when we should get married.
What do you think Bees?
Post # 3
Personally I think if you are not financially stable, it isnt the best idea to get married so quickly, if you are wanting to have the big wedding. If you can afford a wedding without going in debt, go for it. If you cant, then really in my opinion, you need to have a small affordable wedding, or live together and wait with the wedding.
Post # 4
yea i agree with weeonebride, dont try to have a big wedding quickly if you cant afford it. And there is always the option of living together before the wedding
Post # 5
I guess I’m confused as to what question you are asking. If you are asking if you should go into debt to have a wedding now rather then save up and have a wedding you can afford later, then my answer would echo the pp’s.
If you are asking whether the financial stability (or lack thereof) should prevent you from marriage (talking future stuff here, not wedding stuff), then I’d say it depends on the circumstances and what the two of you have discussed and how well you understand the other person. My husband and I have very little in savings and are living with my folks until we get to a stable point and can get a place of our own. A lot of people might look at the face value of this and shake their heads and think how crazy we are to have gotten married before we were financially stable. However for us, if you looked closer, you would see that I had a pretty good amount socked away until I met my husband and started dating him. lol 6k mile relationships aren’t easy on the pocketbook for either party! Add in immigration fees etc and that wiped out a fair chunk of our savings. It happens.
I knew going into the marriage that we weren’t going to have a lot to begin with and that I would have to adjust my lifestyle to match our/my new goals. We both discussed all the pros and cons of everything and this was the best way for us. Our savings are growing and will continue to do so come heck or high water! 😀
So um… that’s my story to help illustrate what my other answer. 😛
ETA: Completely forgot part of what I wanted to say: If you are wondering about financial stability and your future then you need to have discussions with your FH and think long and hard about things for yourself. Do you both have the will power and personal integrity to do what you have to do to make ends meet and put away savings for rainy days? Eh… I think there were more questions I wanted to add in with that, but it’s almost 2am and my brain has stopped working now. lol Make sure you are both on the same page and that you both have complete trust and confidence in each other (not just blind trust either! Go based off of past precedence).
Post # 6
Big wedding? Who wants a big wedding? Lol we want to keep it small and intimate… and that would be the same whether or not we had it this year or no.
We’re both very religious and probably more so than my immediate family (mom and stepfather and sister) so living together is not an option until we’re married.
Fiance and I have talked ad nauseum about finances and how things will work after the wedding… living together as man and wife, we’d actually have a better standard of living than both of us living together separately.
Post # 7
Finances of course affects when you get married, as well as the type of wedding you want to have. Its all up to you to decide what is more important, having a dream wedding or having the wedding right away
Post # 8
Sounds like the conversation is going in two ways. Previous posters are saying that an expensive wedding may not the best idea until finances are figured out.
But the actual getting married part? Really doesn’t have a lot to do with money. At least, in my opinion, it shouldn’t. So if you both are ready to be married, go for it. Just have a plan for the money side of things. 🙂