Finances- when do you consult each other?

posted 1 year ago in Finances
Post # 16
511 posts
Busy bee

We tell eachother everything we buy, even if it’s small like a few dollars. It’s just a heads up “I’m buying this” or “I bought this earlier.” We aren’t big spenders anyway, not into buying anything even daily or weekly. If one person isn’t around and it’s a small amount we tell after but 99% of the time we tell the other before the purchase. Also we have everything of ours entirely joint. If it’s big like $50 or over, always is discussed first or a heads up.

Post # 17
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

We don’t really have a limit where we discuss it. Our joint account is for joint expenditures anyway, so anything spent from there would be something necessary, so no real discussion needed. The rest of our money is in our personal accounts, so while we might mention that we bought something, it’s not really a discussion and doesn’t happen every time. We’re forever having stuff delivered for my husband that I didn’t know he’d ordered, and shortly before lockdown I spent 7k on a car. My husband knew I was getting one, but we didn’t really discuss the cost side 

Post # 18
6340 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I didn’t comment on the other thread but my husband and I have both joint and separate accounts but we still consult each other on all large purchases, whether it’s from the joint account or not. We don’t have a set amount where we have to check in with each other before spending it, but I’d say typically before spending $100 is my personal trigger.

My husband’s is much lower. I swear he checks with me before he buys nearly anything (except for actual necessities). Sometimes he’s like “should I spend $10 on this garlic press or not? Or maybe I should buy this one for $11.50? Or here’s one for $12.95!” And seriously…I don’t care. Just buy it. Buy whatever you want! I don’t need to be consulted about this! 

Post # 19
3951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We don’t have a specific number, but we tend to let the other person know before any unplanned expenses, small or large. 

Post # 20
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

There’s no real specific number. My hobbies are more expensive than his (I run, so races, shoes, gear) on a day to day basis. He collects sports memorabilia, which he purchases infrequently, but it tends to cost a bit more. We give each other the heads up if we’ve purchased something.

Post # 21
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

We don’t consult each other on any spending at all, as long as pay our bills we just spend on what we like. 

ETA. Sorry I totally misread this, but we do have separate accounts and pay our joint bills into the joint account 🙂 

Post # 22
3647 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

We have joint and separate accounts. Joint account money is for joint account purchases only, so it has to be something that both of us can use/benefit from. So there is no trigger amount. Outside of obvious purchases like groceries or bills, all spending out of the joint account must be discussed in advance.

For our separate account, there’s no restrictions or prior discussion needed for purchases, which for us is the whole point of keeping that money separate. If he wants to use that money to buy an alpaca he’s free to, as long as he’s still able to put in the required percentage of his paycheck into the joint checking and joint savings account each month.

Any purchases that involve a loan or a credit card purchase that won’t be paid off in that billing cycle (like if he wanted a new car) have to be discussed in advance.

Post # 23
2761 posts
Sugar bee

We don’t have a number, but I’d say more than a few hundred dollars on a non necessary item we would usually mention to each other. It’s not usually asking for permission, it’s more of a heads up. We also have all our accounts linked to a shared Personal Capital account so we can see all of our purchases and our overall financial picture there.

We don’t have a strict budget but we pay our credit cards in full every month and we have a good emergency fund–if we were struggling to pay off debt or make ends meet I am sure we’d have tighter rules. Neither of us spends frivolously that often so that’s another reason we are kind of lax about it. We might buy a couple hundred bucks worth of clothes now and again, or every once in a while my husband will want a fancy new exercise gadget or something. 

Post # 24
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We have a shared account that we pay a part of our wages into – used for house upkeep, grocery shopping etc. Most of what we earned stays in our personal accounts. When we buy or do expensive things (holidays, buying a new projector etc), we use the money from our personal accounts. We have separate savings accounts, too. So if one of us wants to buy something from our own wages, we just do it. However, neither of us has expensive taste. I buy a lot of clothes and shoes (that I can easily afford), he buys tech stuff (that he can afford). He recently decided to buy a treadmill which was around 1000€ and he did discuss that with me – not because of the money though but because we needed to discuss where to put it. If I decided to buy something for 1000€ that didn’t impact him, like a piece of jewellery, I wouldn’t consult him. 

Post # 25
2307 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I think it really just depends on the couple. How much you make, your COL, if your saving for something, etc. Personally, we got married when we were older and both making good money. It would drive us nuts if we were constantly checking in on $50 and $100 purchases when we have routinely been making those ourselves for years. So we check in when it is something for the house mainly. We are expecting a baby any time now, so we agreed on nursery items before I purchased or registered, when I redid the living room we agreed on that, and we just recently agreed to get a new air conditioner as ours is just not keeping up. But my husband just bought a new iPhone, and didn’t really ask, just bought it and it didn’t bother me. We also have seperate accounts and one joint account for household items. On the flip side, my brother and SIL consult eachother for even small purchases. They are a one income household and everything is joint, so that is what works best for them. It would drive my husband and I nuts, and our rules would drive them nuts! (My brother is an accountant so he wants to know where every last cent goes!) So it really is what works for you and your husband. And it might be trial and error, but you will figure it out! 

Post # 26
559 posts
Busy bee

we don’t have any set rules but tend to discuss any purchase that isn’t just part of normal routine spending on groceries, clothes, household stuff, etc., such as a piece of new furniture or something just for fun.  

Post # 27
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

DH says we need to tell each other at $2,000. I usually tell him above $200. We don’t ask permission, just a heads up. Works for us. 

Post # 29
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2020

We have a joint account that we pay all our bills, groceries, eating out and entertainment as a couple with and we put the same amount each into that account monthly. We retained our seperate checking accounts. We have high savings goals and big financial plans. As long as our joint expenditures are paid, and our savings goal is on point all the other stuff isn’t any of my business or his as far as we are both concerned. Less to worry about – we don’t split hairs over one big expense, presents are surprises and we get to manage our money the way we do best – we are both accountants and both handle certain things different. We reconcile the joint account and our savings goal and where we are often in our 5 year plan. We discuss burdens and successes and lean on each other if we need to – he is trying to decide to finance his leased truck (we won’t lease again in the future) or sell it and we discuss items like that together to make sure we haven’t missed an option that could set each of us up for success. 

Post # 30
12264 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We’re all joint, but basically anything out of the ordinary will get a heads up.  Clothes, no problem, he knows I’m reasonable and I’ll but anything without mention to him.  A new bag? Well, I have a ton and he hates bags, so I’d mention it.  If I need a new laptop or camera, no problem, I’ll just tell him im about to buy it.  As long as there’s money in the checking account, we’re free to use it. 

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