- 4 months ago
- Wedding: City, State
So we are officially at the 50-day mark (eek!)
First off, I have two MOHs, and no bridesmaids. My sister and my best friend. I have put my sister in charge of the bridal shower, and my best friend in charge of the bachelorette party, which suits their personalities perfectly in my opinion. Both events will be very lowkey (less than 15 guests at the shower, and just me and the two of them for the bachelorette.) My sister has unintentially thrown a wrench in planning both, and it’s starting to freak me out because we are running out of time.
It started when my best friend discussed the bachelorette party with me. Neither of us have children, but my sister has two, and she wanted to know what our boundaries were (could she go out of town without the children, how crazy can we get, etc.) My sister, although she is a fantastic mother, is a bit protective and has never once stayed overnight anywhere without her kids (her oldest is 8, the youngest is 3.) When I tried to talk to her about it, it seemed like I upset her. She kept telling me that she didn’t want to ruin my night, and that I only got to have one bachelorette party, so I should just go on without her if I wanted to go to the city and have a wild night. I explained to her that it wasn’t a big deal if we had to stay local, my friend just wanted to know what her limitations were so she could respect them. I told her the most important thing to me was that they are both there. She seemed okay at that point, but I think I definitely made her feel like an inconvenience, which wasn’t my intention. It’s just that our local options are VERY limited… so I have to admit, I’m a little bummed. My FH’s brother is taking him to the city for a whole weekend with the boys, and I’m a little jealous. But I don’t want her to not feel welcome, because I meant what I said. Most important thing is that two of my favorite women go with me for a night of fun, wherever we are. I definitely feel like my friend is feeling the pressure to plan something fun for us though, so I’m trying to help her the best I can with the planning process.
A few weeks ago, my friend and I went shopping for her dress, and were shocked to discover that some of the dresses weren’t even options because they wouldn’t come in before the wedding. A little frantic, I told my sister about it because I knew she didn’t have her dress yet either. She told me she would have to wait until she got paid the following week, and seemed a little irritated that I was pushing her. I told her that was fine, but she might want to decide on a dress so that she knows what she wants beforehand. She ended up ordering a dress later that day, which she didn’t have to do. Even though she didn’t say it, I feel like she was like, “THERE, I ordered it, happy?”
And then there’s the bridal shower. I decided to keep it very small for budget reasons (and to reduce family drama on my mother’s side… whole other story.) Today, my mother let it slip to me that my sister is stressed about the financial burden my wedding has caused her. Honestly, all she has bought is her dress and the flower girl dress (her daughter.) She and her husband’s finances are none of my business, but they both have decent jobs, so as far as I know, they aren’t broke. They probably make just about as much as FH and I do. Granted, we don’t have children, but we have dropped almost $9,000 of our own money between the wedding and the honeymoon in the last year. All she’s responsible for at this point is some food and decorations, as we have decided to have the bridal shower at her house (AGAIN to make it budget friendly), and she’s acting like it’s too much. I tried to lightly bring up the shower to her today by sending her some ideas on Pinterest, and I just got really short responses like “oh yeah that’s cute.” We don’t even have a DATE set, and we are running out of time.
The only wedding-related responsibilities she has had over the last 15 months were: going with me to pick out my dress, pick out clothing for her and her family, hosting a small shower, attend a bachelorette party, and walk down the aisle of the big day. Most of those things have not even happened yet. I feel like I’m not asking for too much, right? FH and I have taken on almost EVERY wedding detail ourselves. I’ve been working weekends so we can pay for everything ourselves without burdening anyone else. I am feeling equal parts guilty and irritated. Maybe I’m just feeling the pressure. Who knows.
Anyone else ever have issues with bridal party financials?