Financial burden of MOH, feeling a bit guilty.

posted 4 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
2374 posts
Buzzing bee

I hate to sound harsh, but it wasn’t your place to assign her the duty of planning a shower.  So maybe she is stressed because she didn’t have a choice in the matter…

Also, this comment….”FH and I have taken on almost EVERY wedding detail ourselves.”  Who else should be planning your wedding? 


Post # 3
912 posts
Busy bee

You shouldn’t be expecting ANYONE to throw you a shower or bachelorette party. You are in the wrong for assigning them to do so. You’re not running out of time because you don’t NEED these things before your wedding.

Post # 4
2975 posts
Sugar bee

Sounds like you assigned your sister to host the shower for you. That is not how it works. People offer to host. So yes, you are asking too much of your sister.

Eta: you need to apologize to her and cancel the shower.

Post # 6
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

leesahmarie :  Yeah, sorry girl but I think you’re in the wrong here.

You told your sister to throw you a bridal shower… you don’t do that. If she would have offered and is now being weird about planning/paying then that would be more on her, but she probably only agreed because she felt pressured to.

If I were you I’d pay for the bridal shower since you’re the one who wants it, or just forget the idea all together. It’s not a requirement of getting married (I didn’t have one, because no one offered to throw one).

Post # 7
912 posts
Busy bee

leesahmarie :  In that case, I would just cancel the shower so she doesn’t have to worry about it. If someone else steps in to host it, great. If not, oh well. It sounds like you will have a nice bachelorette party and wedding.

Post # 8
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

leesahmarie :  your mom shouldn’t have said anything, your sister IS throwing you a party, and are you still complaining? You called her up about the dress, so she bought it that day!

Maybe you should thank her?

She and her husband’s finances are none of my business, but they both have decent jobs, so as far as I know, they aren’t broke. They probably make just about as much as FH and I do. Granted, we don’t have children, but we have dropped almost $9,000 of our own money between the wedding and the honeymoon in the last year.”

This rubs me the wrong way. You decided to spend this money on YOUR wedding. Why don’t you drop some money on her for your wedding? Thank her already!


Post # 9
2557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Agree with PP’s. You shouldn’t have assigned them the bridal shower and bachelorette. Also, I would have been stressed if you waited until a couple weeks ago to pick out dresses. 

Additionally, I can see why your sister is saying it’s a financial burden, and you don’t have a right to comment on her financial status. She has to pay for her own dress, pay for a flower girl (probably a couple-few hundre together), host a shower (even a small one, probably a minimum of $200), attend a bachelorette (probably a hundred minimum between food/drink and if they’re covering you). That’s multiple hundreds of dollars at a bare minimum. And she didn’t offer to host the shower, so that was additional money she probably hadn’t planned on spending. 

Post # 10
13484 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agree with PPs that it was inappropriate for you to assign them parties for to host in your honor.  Clearly your sister doesn’t want to host a shower for you.  It sucks, but that’s just how it goes sometimes.

Post # 11
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Yeah sorry but a bachelorette and shower are things that people throw you without being asked/assigned and you shouldn’t have any say into what goes on other than give your availability and maybe where you would want to go for the Bach.

Post # 12
52 posts
Worker bee

Yea… you dont get to assign these things to people, they offer if they dont then it simply doesnt happen.

I wouldnt be pleased if someone just told me with no say in the matter I would be annoyed too.

Also.. if they make decent money then that means their doing alright..paying bills with some extra spending/saving.. to me decent by no means is well off.. and they have two kids?… so if you and your husband make the same with NO kids.. in what world do you think she has money for a shower etc… two kids is a shitload of expenses.

Post # 14
2975 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not buying your revised story. Your passive aggressive response to hearing your sister is concerned about the cost of the shower is telling.

“I tried to lightly bring up the shower to her today by sending her some ideas on Pinterest.”

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