Financial burden of MOH, feeling a bit guilty.

posted 6 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
3193 posts
Sugar bee

Girl, your response to her stress/financial concerns was to send her Pinterest ideas. Really???

Post # 18
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

leesahmarie :  you don’t need to ask her about her finance. Just say, “hey it’s my party, I should pay for it. Can you send me the bills so I can take care of them?”

zl27 : I agree.

Post # 19
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

leesahmarie :  $9k of your OWN money? 😱😱 who did you expect to pay for it?

You don’t know the ins and outs of their fianances. You COULD make the same amounts but that’s probably where the similarities end given that she has two kids to support. If she was tight on money before, extra expenses will be added stressors no matter how little impact you think they might have

Your mom said she is stressed and not only are you writing her stress off and not believing it, but you sent her Pinterest pictures for your shower right after your mom told you.

I don’t see much concern or sympathy for your sister

Post # 22
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Maybe I’ve had a long day, but this actually sounds like a lot to me. She ONLY has to host a shower for God’s sake!

 

The only wedding-related responsibilities she has had over the last 15 months were:  going with me to pick out my dress, pick out clothing for her and her family, hosting a small shower, attend a bachelorette party, and walk down the aisle of the big day. 

Post # 24
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Also, how did mom let it slip that your sister is stressed about money? Were you expressing your concerns to your mom about the wrench thrown into your bridal shower plans and your mom explained that your sister is stressed about money?

I’m wondering how the topic came up 

She also might be using “I don’t want to leave the kids” as an excuse because a bachelorette party is another expense that she has to pay for even if someone else is organizing it, it’s still a night out that will be an expense for her. Money struggles are absolutely embarrassing. Given your lack of understanding, she might not feel comfortable opening up to you

Post # 26
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

leesahmarie :  I assume that you guys are close since you’re sisters and she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, can you just talk to her and have an honest conversation? Let her know that you’d either like to cover the expenses for the shower or tell her that you’d prefer to just not have one?

And if she won’t talk to your friend or you about the bachelorette party, maybe your friend should just plan what she wants and your sister can decide to come or not.

Post # 27
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

Everyone else has the assigning her to plan the shower thing covered, but there are a couple of other things that I want to point out that may also be adding to the stress for your sister.

And then there’s the bridal shower. I decided to keep it very small for budget reasons 

The number of people invited to the shower is decided by the host based on their budget, not the bride. Did she decide the number of guests to invite, or did you dictate the number of guests to her? How many guests are invited to the shower?

All she’s responsible for at this point is some food and decorations, as we have decided to have the bridal shower at her house (AGAIN to make it budget friendly), and she’s acting like it’s too much.

Did she offer to host the shower at her house, or was that suggested by you or someone else because she doesn’t have the budget to host the number of people invited at a venue? Perhaps she doesn’t want the hassle and stress involved in hosting a party at her home on top of the financial requirements for it. Food and decorations for a party aren’t cheap, yet you’re talking about it like it’s no big deal. Continuing to send her decoration ideas on pinterest after you’ve been advised of her financial worries is basically saying to her “here are some more things I want you to spend more money and time on for my party.”

Post # 29
Member
2081 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Bee, I really don’t want to pile on, but I think you are asking too much of your sister because she seems overwhelmed by your requests. It was a mistake being involved in the bachlorette and shower at all. My bridesmaids ran their ideas by me to make sure I was OK with them, but other than giving them names of attendees, I wasn’t at all involved with the planning and I certainly didn’t ask for a party or assign anything to anyone. I am sorry you feel that your party will not be as nice as your FI’s. I do understand that, but these are the circumstances you face. I would do all I could to alleviate the financial burden on my sister and try to make the best of it. As an aside, I think it’s a little much that your sister can’t ever go on an overnight trip without her kids, but maybe she was saying that in order to not have to divulge that she is struggling financially.

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