First off, I have two MOHs, and no bridesmaids. My sister and my best friend. I have put my sister in charge of the bridal shower, and my best friend in charge of the bachelorette party, which suits their personalities perfectly in my opinion.
As everyone has said, you don’t put anyone in charge of anything. A shower and bachelorette party are optional and voluntary. People either volunteer to host or they don’t. You should not assign or even so much as hint to your bridal party that you are expecting that they host these events for you. If they happen they happen and if they don’t they don’t.
A little frantic, I told my sister about it because I knew she didn’t have her dress yet either. She told me she would have to wait until she got paid the following week, and seemed a little irritated that I was pushing her.
Did you ever consult your sister about the dress budget? Fifty days ahead is usually not nearly enough time to custom order. At that point, I would have told her to buy any dress within her budget in a given color range.
They probably make just about as much as FH and I do. Granted, we don’t have children, but we have dropped almost $9,000 of our own money between the wedding and the honeymoon in the last year. All she’s responsible for at this point is some food and decorations, as we have decided to have the bridal shower at her house (AGAIN to make it budget friendly), and she’s acting like it’s too much.
You are not inside of her life or her finances. What you can spend or pay has nothing to do with her. She is not “responsible” for anything.
I tried to lightly bring up the shower to her today by sending her some ideas on Pinterest
This was really inappropriate. You are the guest of honor. It is not your place to hint, suggest or dictate what she does or how unless she were to specifically ask for your input.
The only wedding-related responsibilities she has had over the last 15 months were: going with me to pick out my dress, pick out clothing for her and her family, hosting a small shower, attend a bachelorette party, and walk down the aisle of the big day. Most of those things have not even happened yet. I feel like I’m not asking for too much, right?
Completely and totally wrong. Maid of honor is an honor title, not a job. The only “obligation” the bridal party has is to show up in a dress which you’ve consulted on with them for budget and style, to stand up with you in support on the day, to attend rehearsal if possible, and to help out with small personal tasks on the day of.
FH and I have taken on almost EVERY wedding detail ourselves. You are the hosts. Who else should be doing this?
From the update: “I didn’t “tell” her she had to throw me a shower, when the topic got brought up, she volunteered. “Assigned” was a bad word choice.”
Who brought up the topic? Hopefully, not you. If she volunteered on her own that’s on her, but if you know she’s under financial pressure, just let her know you appreciate the offer, but a shower is not necessary.