Post # 61
sunburn : I have considered OPs position and I have been a similar position to her sister and in that situation voiced concerns to my mum before reaching out my future sister in law. As soon as my sister in law heard I was having difficulty in paying for her hen party she told me not to worry and she understands completely if I don’t attend. Yet OP’s mum informs her that her sister is having financial problems with planning the shower and her response is to send her Pinterest pins??? That’s passive aggressive AF at worst and selfish and inconsiderate at best. Yes her sister could have spoken to her directly, but she’s probably embarrassed and might be trying to make it work financially.
Maybe when she agreed she could afford to host it and now something has come up and she can’t. Or maybe since OP has a lot of ideas of how she wants things her sister is feeling like she can’t afford to host the type of shower OP wants. Either way, if someone is hosting you a party and you hear they’ve now expressed difficulty in affording it your first response should not be to send them ideas of how you want said party, your response should be to reach out to them and offer to help.
Post # 62
ariesscientist : I agree that the Pinterest thing was probably not the most tactful move, but again we dont know the details or the subtleties of their relationship and how they communicate – she says they often share pins. At worst, sharing pins (unprompted) with the person who volunteered to throw your shower is a little bold – but it’s hardly this heinous crime. It seems like a lot of this could be solved if the OP and her sister just communicated directly with one another rather than things like the sister “letting it slip” to her mom that finances are tight and OP sending pins. Anyway, the OP asked if she was in the wrong there and yet people continue to rip into her for it. She is hardly doubling down defensely and insisting that she has done everything 100% correctly. She really can’t win.
Post # 63
ariesscientist : There are an awful lot of maybes in your post. Hey, maybe the sister has a terminal illness and doesn’t want to tell anyone, and she has had medical expenses and she doesn’t want to tell anyone. Maybe she invested her money unwisely and doesn’t want anyone to know she’s broke. But we don’t know any of this. What we DO know is that she volunteered to host the shower and did not decline the role of MoH. We do know she’s playing some passive aggressive game by telling her mother something that she knows will get back to her sister.
And yes, the OP sent her sister some Pinterest links. Although it may have been a bit of a tone-deaf move, it hardly rises to level of selfish and inconsiderate, nor is it passive aggressive. She didn’t tell her sister to do anything. She didn’t say she expected anything.
I remain convinced that people way overreacted to this OP’s post and I’ve seen it happen on too many threads and it’s total bullshit.
Post # 64
I’ve been avoiding this thread as I feel there’s more negativity than actual advice, but I wanted to jump on here and say thank you to the few that gave me real advice without calling me a liar/selfish/etc.
Also, not that I should have to explain myself to strangers on the Internet, but for what it’s worth, the Pin was of some powdered donuts with little diamond shaped picks sticking out of the top to make them look like rings… nothing too extravagant, in my opinion. Especially since early on, we were constantly sending each other ideas. I know that she’s hosting, and ultimately if she decides to go through with the shower, what she says goes, but she’s asked for my input on it before she went silent, so that’s where I was coming from. Whether you believe it was rude of me or not, just know that wasn’t my intention. I was just hoping to spark a conversation and give her a chance to tell me herself rather than calling her out and making her feel like I’m attacking her.
I’m not going to respond to everything, as I haven’t had the heart to read all the posts. Anyway, again, thank you to the Bees with more honey and less sting. You’re appreciated.