(Closed) Financial conflicts when planning a wedding…Advice? (long rant sorry)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Have you sat him down and actually asked him why he’s reacting this way?

From what I’ve seen, lots of men don’t understand what exactly goes into a traditional wedding. My Fiance cares about the actual day but not so much the planning…yet.

Maybe he’s the same way?

Post # 5
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My FI’s eyes about popped out of their sockets every time we got a quote. They really just don’t have much fore-knowledge of how crazy expensive things are.  Maybe when you talk get him to talk more openly about what his expectations are?

Post # 6
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

As a side note, most wedding photographers offer the e-pics as a part of the package. 

Do you have a budget? Have you shown him a list of all the elements that go into a wedding? Have you prioritized what is important to you (I made a list and put them in rank order, that way when we had to make a cut I was in love/crazy at the moment, I could look back and remember it was 15th on my list, I can cut it or choose a cheaper version)? Have you figured out the typical costs in your area. For example- photographers are about $3000 in our area. I found one that was less, but it too time and effort. On average Food is $75pp (with an additional 25% in tax and grat). If I wanted to spend less, I will have to work harder to find it. 

Have you asked him what his ideal wedding looks like?

You can work through this, but it takes communication. If you can talk and compromise about a wedding, you should look into counselling or calling things off.

Post # 7
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Fiance was like this about the photographer.  I’m a little self concious as I’m a bit chubby and I hate having my picture taken, so I wanted to get a decent photog. We’re paying for it all ourselves, and I know we couldn’t afford most of the ones out there, or even a full day. So I spent weeks trying to find someone who would do a half day and the cheapest i could find was $1000. Fiance didn’t want to spend more than $500.  But for that, it’s like why pay at all? Might as well just go on guest photos.  Buto once I got him looking at ppl’s sites and he realized that they go from 3k to 10k, he was a bit more understanding.  I also explained to him how important it was to have him on board and a part of the planning.  

It sounds like you guys need to have a talk about how much you’re willing to spend total and go from there. Build a budget you’re both comfy with. 

Post # 8
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think that a LOT of men figure the hard part is getting the ring on our finger and the answer of “Yes” out of our mouth. The moment we agree, the rest of the planning is up to us and they can wash their hands of it and watch the game. I HAD a Fiance like this but I changed him in two steps.

1.) I sat him down and told him point blank that although I didn’t NEED his imput, I WANTED it and that he would be helping me bucketloads by providing it. Guys are naturally hardwired to problem solve, so if you let him know he’s doing that by providing feedback, he’ll be more happy to provide it. I’m also sure to always, ALWAYS, stroke his ego when he participates. “Oh honey, I never thought of having superhero cufflinks for the guys. That’s an AMAZING idea”. Yes, ok…not amazing but it’s his wedding too and if he’s willing to organize that, it’s one less thing I have to worry about and really, who notices cufflinks?? Plus, it’s got him thinking AND talking about the wedding.

2.) Us brides can go in to wedding trances where we sleep, eat, breath “I Dos'”. He however wants to kickback and watch tv or go out to dinner with you and not hear about how gorgeous Maggie Sottero gowns are or whether he thinks pink linens will go with grey tableclothes. So…I set up “Fifteen on Friday” which is basically my time (and only time, with the exception of special excemptions) to talk wedding with him AND to have him be receptive. Fifteen minutes is what we agreed on, which allows me to touch base, show him ideas, ask stupid questions…etc. I can tell you 9/10 times we go over that time, but he knows coming home that tonight we’re going to talk wedding stuff and that the rest of the time I won’t. That puts him in a much more receptive mood and it gives me time to put together my arguments. “Honey, photo’s last a lifetime. They’re our legacy and I want the pictures to still be gorgeous in 3013! We can save money on invitations by printing them at home…etc”

Hope this helps and good luck with the planning process.

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