Financial disagreement

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2380 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t have any reassuring words because I would be livid too. That is so irresponsible and also disrespectful to you to spend that insane amount of money on golf when you have literal debt hanging over your head, without even talking to you about it. I’m sorry Bee. You have every right to be upset. 

Post # 3
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

hock778 :  of course he said he “thought you knew” about the golf fees because he wasn’t taking a chance on you telling him not to do it… 

$7,000 for his fun but spending $50 on flowers for you was too expensive. I would be livid and wanting to shove his clubs up his….

We would be discussing right now,  what *he* is selling,  doing etc to pay down the debt immediately…

Post # 4
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

Does he need the golf membership for his work to entertain high profile clients etc?

Post # 7
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be livid if my partner did the same as yours. What else does he spend money on compared to you?

You should focus on paying the debt you have built up since you were the shopper, and he should pay off his own.

Work out a budget to see where yours incomes go and work out where they can be cut back. Factor in the golf membership fee and anything you do as recreation/hobbies, too. Get him to agree to stick to the budget, and agree to what portion of any bonus/commission should go toward debt.

Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I. Would. Be. Furious.

So he gets to lecture you about financial responsibility and sit by while you sell your stuff…and then he gets to spend $7,000 on fucking GOLF?! 

Post # 10
Member
3426 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

So I’m going to try my hand at playing the devil’s advocate for a moment. But know that I’d also be insanely pissed if I was you.

You acknowledged that you’ve both lived way beyond your means for a very long time. You both got yourselves into debt, and only in the last 6 months did you become “financially responsible”. That isn’t a long time. It’s awesome that you’re working so hard to pay off your debt and finally get your finances under control. And ideally your partner would be right along side you. But I don’t think it’s fair to just expect that he’s going to make a major lifestyle change at exactly the same time you do. 

I’m curious if this golf membership is an annual fee that he’s always paid? In which case, he’s made that $7,000 payment before without you freaking out. If that’s true, then again – it’s great you made a big change in the last 6 months, but you can’t automatically expect him to do the same. I think that a lot of your anger right now stems from how hard you’re working not to spend a dime. Of course you’d be furious when your partner goes and spends a ton of money unnecessarily on a hobby. But is it really fair for you to be this mad? A year ago when you were also a frivolous spender, would you have been this mad? 

The flower thing is wildly infuriating and I don’t even know what to say on that. And your update that he called your shopping a problem? Ergh. Your husband is pissing me off. And I honestly would consider leaving my husband if he spent even half of that amount without consulting me. But I did want to try to offer another perspective instead of adding more flames to your fire.

Post # 11
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

In that case, off with his head!

Post # 13
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

lovelyruby :  I’d agree with you IF her husband hadn’t lectured her about her spending habits. It’s like he thinks she needs to cut back as much as possible but he just gets to keep on living his life with no consequences.

Also, yes, it’s difficult to fix this kind of living beyond your means spending habit in just 6 months, but I’d say one of the first things to go should be something so frivolous as a crazy expensive golf membership. I mean…they have other golf courses that don’t cost thousands of dollars. 

Post # 14
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

How much debt do you have to pay down? Is this debt on credit cards? Can you consolidate your debt onto a zero interest card? 

It sounds like you both need to get on the same page. Establish a monthly budget, and jointly decide how much you want to put towards debt each month. Once you have a concrete plan, you can work together to pay the debt off in a reasonable amount of time. hock778 :  

Post # 15
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I’d be furious too but I can kind of see why he might have a different perspective. If this is a lump sum payment that gets him his membership for a year, and he’s paid it before without it being a problem, I’m assuming for a couple years? I can see how he might not have counted it as “frivolous spending”. He probably looks at it differently than buying new clothes because you just want them or buying misc. stuff just because. I’m also guessing he didn’t think it would be the same because if you’re expecting to have paid off your debt soon and this is a scheduled payment he’s probably assuming you guys will be “fine” again money wise within the year that he’s paying for.

Just to be clear I think that it definitely is frivolous spending and he shouldn’t be drilling in “cut back cut back!” without doing it himself. Was there anything else that he used to spend money on frequently like clothes or something? Maybe those are the things he had in mind and not something like this and just didn’t think.

I would also be freaking pissed, especially the not being consulted part I think that’s super disrespectful. I’m just trying to look at it from another point of view… maybe?? 

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