It does sound more and more like OPs husband is being pretty selfish and kind of a dick, essentially telling her that all her stuff is unnecessary and needs to be cut while he goes ahead and keeps his $7000 golf membership.
However, it may be worthwhile for the rest of us responding to keep in mind that the only perspective we are getting here is OPs. She could very well be leaving out relevant details (not saying that’s the case). So to add another perspective to the conversation, I’ll share my brothers experience with his ex fiance…
They were together for 6 or so years and bought a house together a couple years in, which had both their names on it. Even at that time, he was paying significantly more into the house and their other shared expenses than she was, but was ok with it because he made more money and this was a woman he thought he would be spending the rest of his life with – his partner.
It never botherded him that he paid more until she began to act more and more entitled to his earnings.
When they first moved in, they worked out a household budget together and chose to split their contributions about 1/3 her and 2/3 him. He also agreed to cover any additional or unexpected expenses that might come up, as he had a lot more expendable income.
Despite his much larger finsncifi contributions, she did not perform any more labour at home than he did which, again, at first he was fine with. He did the bulk of the cooking and about the same amount of cleaning. At that point they worked similar hours so whatever.
But about a year in she decided that she couldn’t handle working full time and dropped to part time, reducing her income by almost 50%. He took on even more of the financial responsibility. And despite now being home several hours earlier than him every day, she didn’t take on the cooking responsibilities or any additional cleaning. This also despite the fact that she was a much pickier eater than him.
Then, because their “combined income” was so much lower than it had been before, they sat down an reworked their budget again but this time she wanted to take responsibility for managing their money and created a very rigid budget that she enforced ruthlessly. Interestingly enough, things like clothing and haircuts for her were included in this budget but the same was not for him. He was given essentially a monthly allowance for his own spending money that worked out to about $50 a week. He was expected to pay for all his own personal expenses and social life with $200 a month…
She literally lost her fucking mind on him one time because she had “left him” $100 for groceries while she was away for a week on vacation with friends (which somehow made it into their “joint” budget of course) and he ended up not buying any groceries because he just ate stuff that was already in the house, so he used $25 of it to take me out to the driving range for my birthday….
I’m not mentioning this because I think this is what is going on with OP and her husband, but to remind everyone responding that while it is absolutely fundamental to any good partnership to share assets and income and to do away with a “mine and yours” mentality, when there is a large income differential both partners need to be very conscious of the risk of entitlement and resentment bubbling up and how their actions and attitudes can contribute to that.
In my brothers example, everything was fine at the beginning when they were both acting like partners, but when she began to act entitled to his salary and began controling his personal spending, she stopped being a partner and he began to resent her for it. Eventually, it led to their break up (thank fuck!!)
So let’s keep in mind that, yes, all income and assets belong to both partners, but it belongs to them as part of a unit. Neither partner is entitled to the others labour and income as an individual.