Thank you so much for your responses. Quite a mixed bag tbh but it’s good to get an outsider’s perpective.
Regarding her spending: no she’s not an addict, she has no hidden secrets other than the fact she’s an idiot with money.
Case in point: She and my other bridesmaid chose their bridesmaid dresses. The dress they chose only had like 4 colours in that range (zero of them even close to our wedding colours) and it was prohibitively expensive. I ended up finding it online at a third the price in a range of colours which would suit the wedding theme, so they chose the colour they liked and ordered the dress. I chose this site because it offered free returns (even included the returns bag with free parcel postage) in case the size was wrong. Well my sister chose the wrong size (way too big – like she would need to put on about 20kgs for this to fit). I told her to return it, but she decided she would order the one in the smaller size and keep the larger one too just in case. I’m like just in case what? Just in case you wake up 9 months pregnant the morning of the wedding in 2 months!!??
Stupid shit like that. Now she has two dresses for my wedding. She doesn’t think.
Sorry. Tangent. My point is – she’s not hiding anything nefarious except her own stupidity.
Back to the original problem. Fiance suggested he should speak with her, because he’s a home lender and it would be far more subtle coming from him – I have tried to hep her curb her spending for so long, and I almost feel like it would be catty coming from me, like “these are the consequences of your actions”
Regarding her mental health? Ya she needs help. She has really horrid anxiety, and is on perhaps the lowest dose of AD medication on the market. It hasn’t been assessed in about 7 years and it’s getting worse. But, no it doesn’t seem like she has problems outside that. I have never seen evidence of bipolar disorder, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help. She needs to talk through her issues in therapy. But, I’m not going to pretend this will all of a sudden make her money smart.
Cliffnotes version: Whenever she got herself into strife in the past, someone has always rescued her. My parents bought her first house (she paid half the mortgage with them), and took a good chunk of profit when they sold it. Yes I am bitter about it. When she got in that huge amount of debt the first time, it was a friend who got her the FIFO job which helped her pay it off. When she needed a job after having her daughter because she wanted some independence from relying 100% on her current partner, I got her the job at my workplace at the time.
She has freely admitted that she has nothing to show for in her life. SHe acknowledges that people always have to come and rescue her.
But then does nothing to better herself.
SMH. My patience is spent. I can’t keep having the same conversation with her. “Go to a doctor” “use this tool to budget your income” “no you don’t need two fucking bridesmaid dresses”
The reason I don’t think her partner will propose? Why.would.he?
They share a daughter together. They have lived together for years. They are defacto and so yes, I would call it infidelity because in the eyes of the law (in our country), they are married, and thus she has a claim to half his shit if she fought for it.