(Closed) Financial woes from MOH – vent

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Well, to be fair, if she just bought a new car and furniture, she’s probably strapped. It does sound like a good deal, but you just never know. Have fun!

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

not knowing her situation but its not just the $266 for the trip.. theres added meals, transport, shopping, drinks ect, it can add up

by your description of her she could be financially strapped and in debt to her eyeballs and sometimes its the smaller debts that can freak you out more than the bigger picture (been there-done that)

either way – sounds like a great weekend for you so go and enjoy

Post # 5
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It does sound like a great deal.  But was going away for a bachelorette party your idea or your MOH’s?  

Post # 6
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Victorian Gardens of Two Sisters

How long has your Maid/Matron of Honor known that you want to take this trip for your bachelorette party?  While $266 is an awesome deal for airfare and a hotel, it still is a lot of money, especially with her newly acquired payments. 

I know it’s hard, but try not to be too upset with her; it’s really easy to get into arguments about money, and in the end it’s not worth it.   The last thing I’d want is for my friends to judge me for purchases I’ve made that I feel are important.

Post # 7
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Dont’ force her to come. That won’t make things fun for anyone!

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the other posts.  I can understnad your feelings, if you spent money visiting her.  But did you ask to come visit?  Did she ask you to come out to help move?  If she asked you to take money and time out of your busy schedule to go there, and she couldn’t reciprocate.  I can understand you feelings.

But if she had these things planned before the bachelorette being planned in SF…or if she wasn’t in on the plans to have it in SF, I think you should cut her some slack. 

Post # 9
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sure it would be really disappointing if your Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t attend your Bachelorette festivities.  I would have been really bummed out if one of my gals missed my party.  Unfortunately, it sounds like she just doesn’t have the money to attend the party.  Even though it seems like a great deal to you, it may be something she simply can’t afford. Yes, the $266 is a great price for the flight, but like others mentioned–there’s also food, alcohol and other expenses to consider.  Even though it may look from the outside like she’s got plenty of money with her new furniture and car, she may be really strapped now with car/credit card payments.  I have friends who just bought a really big house and furnished it and now they’re basically eating PB & J for every meal!  I think you never really know someone else’s financial situation, no matter what it appears to be.

FWIW, I couldn’t attend a Bachelorette party for a wedding where I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man because of cost.  The party was going to cost upwards from $300 (with the drive, hotel, limo, food, etc) and I simply didn’t have the money.  It was really hard and embarassing to have to admit to my friend (and the other BM) that I didn’t have enough money to participate.  Luckily, my friend was really cool about it.  She just said, "We’d love to have you, but if you can’t make it, I totally understand."  This took the pressure off of me and allowed her to have fun with the girls who could attend.

Post # 11
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It also might not be the amount of money, but she may also have other obligations that would make it difficult to take of a whole weekend for a bachelorette party.  She might not be comfortable telling you that she can’t spend a whole weekend partying if she has a demanding job, and is using the money as an excuse.  I know it is hard when your friends can’t be there for you, but destination bachelorette parties (like destination weddings) will often see  a decline in attendance since it is much harder for people to participate.

Post # 12
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I agree you have to be understanding of other’s finances but I do know it can be frustrating when you see your BM’s having no trouble spendng money on everything from vacations to clothes to other splurges but then you ask them to chip in for dinner or something for your bachelorette it is a whole different story. Unfortunately, people are weird about money.Good luck

Post # 13
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

…it’s easy to judge a person’s financial position, but it’s impossible for you to make the call for her.

 

As your Maid/Matron of Honor, I’m sure she would be SO bummed to miss out on the weekend.  That said, you need to leave it up to her to make the decision to be there or not.  If she can’t make it, you will miss her and it won’t be the same… but, it’s not the end of the world.

If you are able, you might want to talk to her and see if you could pitch in some money to offset the costs.  What’s more important?  Having your Maid/Matron of Honor there?  or a couple hundred dollars?   

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