- 5 years ago
Hi everyone! I am in desperate need of advice, as I am about to make a major lifechanging decision if I decide to marry my boyfriend. My fear is that he is not financially prepared and I will be setting myself up for a lifetime of financial and emotional struggle. Here is a brief synopsis of my situation:
Last year I met the most amazing guy, and we have been dating and in love ever since. We now are living together. We have many. many, many common interests and it’s almost uncanny how alike we are–truly as perfect match, except for one thing. Financially, I am absolutely the bread-winner. He owns his own business, but dosen’t make much of a profit. Some months are better than others, but his income is definitely unstable. I on the other hand, I am working 2 jobs (about 50 hours per week) and I am a full-time grad student. And I pay all of the bills at our house, including groceries. He does give me a little money here and there, but probably only $20-$40 a week. We have discussed marriage very seriously and have even begun making plans and picking out rings. But the more we talk about it, the more I worry about whether I am making a sound decision for the rest of my life.
On top of our financial stability being completely on my shoulders, he says that he is unwilling to move if I were to find a higher-paying job, because his business ties him to the town we live in. And I do understand that, I really do. But it seems to me that if I am going to be the bread-winner, he might be more willing to move to where I find the best job. I also understand that his business is new and that it might take a few years for it to build up. But it seems that I am making an awful lot of sacrifices to stay in a location for his job that doesn’t really bring in a whole lot of money.
On top of all of this, we both have about $50,000 in student loans…yes that’s a combined total of about $100,000 in student loan debt. 🙁 The bad part is that he is not even using the two degrees that he has in his current career/business. Which always sort of baffled me.
So now, facing the possibility of an impending proposal and marriage, I am really left wondering what I should do. I love this man and he has a heart of gold and my family loves him. But will I eventually resent him if our financially situation doesn’t turn around in the future? Will I resent him for not being the bread-winner? Will my fear of our financially instability tear us apart? I have tried talking to him about my fears, and I know he understands where I am coming from but I also know that I hurt his feelings when I bring it up. To him, I think it makes him feel like I don’t beileve in him. He says it seems like I view his business more as a hobbie than a career.
What should I do?? Do I sound like a terrible person? All I want is for us to be able to afford a nice 2-3 bedroom home one day and enough money to be able to have a couple of childrent. And I fear that my $40,000 income will not get us very far. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!