Post # 1
How did you find your counsellor/therapist??
SO and I had a discussion over this holiday period that while we are in a really good place and are very happy, we do feel that our communication skills could be strengthened. While it’s very rare that we have difficult conversations they do happen. I won’t call it fighting because we don’t ‘fight’ we just disagree and talk through it, but those conversations can be emotionally draining as he is very prone to shutting down and I NEED back and forth — not a great combo. We always get through it in the end but it can take several hours after which we both feel very emotionally fried.
We are TTC-ing right now, just bought a house, and work very demanding jobs. We are well aware that as we become more tired, stressed, etc that we have less emotional buffer to spare for these types of conversations and that if we go into these conversations already emotionally drained that they could very easily cycle downwards into really unhealthy fights.
So we want to improve our communication skills now, before it’s become a problem, to better set ourselves up to navigate in a healthier/less emotionally draining way the inevitable disagreements in life that children, homeownership, and career progression will bring in the coming years.
All a very long and round about way to say that we are looking for a counsellor/therapist to help us find a better common ground for communication. But I don’t have the first clue as to how to find the right person other then googling, except other then “couples counselling” I don’t really even know what to google!
So for those that have found either a couples or individual therapist/counsellor that you really love, how did you find them?
Post # 2
We found ours on the Psychology Today website. You can filter by your insurance provider, the counselor’s specialties, age, gender, faith etc. We adored our therapist and I highly recommend couples counseling, even if there aren’t major issues in your relationship.
Post # 3
TravelingBride31 : What state are you in? This might help with suggestions. I think the TTC should be halted until you two have had some sessions with the counseling.
If you are in Indiana, this place is fantastic for couples or just for yourself. https://chrysalisconnections.com/
Post # 4
BrideK2Wings : Good point – we’re in MA
We won’t be pausing TTC since as I said above, we have an incredibly healthy relationship and getting counselling is very much a preventative vs reactionary measure. We want to get out ahead and strengthen our communication skills BEFORE we encounter problems.
Post # 5
wineosaur : Thanks for this! Have already found a few potentials to reach out to – really helpful!
Post # 6
I also used psychologytoday.com. I did find that we needed to go out of our insurance network to find the best fit…a lot of the good ones don’t seem to deal with insurance. The profiles were really helpful to read, and we found a great one by just looking through to see what “clicked” with our situation and things we wanted to improve on. We also found a really bad one in another state, so it’s definitely trial and error…if it doesn’t feel right and they don’t seem to understand you after a few sessions, try someone else.
Post # 7
My spouse is a relationship therapist. Here’s what I would say after witnessing his work.
Most insurance doesn’t cover couples work, so be ready to pay out of pocket.
There are two major frames of reference (schools of thought) for couples work, one is Gottman, the other is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). You could read, or flip through, Gottman’s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Sue Johnson’s Hold me Tight to see which resonates more with you.
Gottman is more about changing your behavior. EFT is more about understanding the emotions behind your partner’s behavior.
Both Gottman and EFT have websites with their trained therapists. Otherwise, you are getting a generaly trained therapist who happens to work with couples, rather than a specially trained couples therapist.
Psychology Today is a good route to go. As are friends who go to therapists, if they are willing to talk about it.
Good job being proactive!
Post # 8
TravelingBride31 : You’re welcome! Also, PPs are right about most health insurance not covering couples counseling. Our therapist had to designate my SO as her indentified patient and use his insurance, since family therapy was a covered benefit for him. So even though I wasn’t technically her patient, I was still able to attend the sessions with him and we still received counseling as a couple.