(Closed) Finding It Incredibly Hard To Keep My Mouth Shut These Days

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know just how you feel, I once had a friend tell me not to tell her husband that she was the one who drove to the mall since he monitors her gas and mileage. Umm ok. That kind of behavior sends me over the edge. Same friend felt the need to ASK him if it was ok that she was preggo and was he mad as though she had done it by herself. Made me livid. We can’t say anything though because these are the kind of guys that will cut you out of the friends life so fast if they hear you’ve said anything. I think they look for women that can’t stand up for themselves or have had crummy fathers boyfriends etc. So sad and frustrating!

Post # 4
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

eugh. it can be hard to bite your tongue in these situations. i know someone whose fi thought it appropriate to tell her in a group setting that she’d put on weight, was getting fat and really shouldnt be eating that slice of cake. this was coupled with little put downs about her not being good at various things/

thing is, they wont thank you for saying “your man is an idiot.”. they only thing you can do is behind the scenes support, so for your friends “i think its so greta that you help out with his kids so much, hes lucky to have someone who takes care of him so well. dont forget to take care of yourself too!”

not much you can say to a woman who wants kids and whose husband has decided he now doesnt. thats a tough situation

Post # 6
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

Best thing to do is not give adviced unless asked to.. these girls just might be venting and will take offense to you “dissing” their SOs.
Workin in a salon you hear all kinds of situations from clients and I dont say anyting when someone is venting other than “oh that sucks” unless they are straight up asking ‘what would you do’ or “what should I do”.

Post # 7
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

OP you need to realize that your expectations of a relationship and what you will deal with are not the same as your friends. They are in the situation they are in because they choose to be in it. Just be there for the fall out and thank your lucky stars you are not involved with their SO.

Post # 9
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I think the best thing is to just be there for them and hope they come around. With my ex-H he was horrible, monitored MY money while he spent outrageous amounts on his hobby, called me fat, watched what I ate etc and none of my friends or family said anything…until I left him. Then it was like a floodgate opened for how much they hated how he treated me, what a pompus ass he was etc. Even though deep down I knew it if anyone had said anything before I was ready to leave I would have defended him and gotten mad at whomever said it.

I think you can just be a good supportive friend and maybe sneak in comments about how the one woman does so much for her Darling Husband that she deserves to splurge on herself and the other one does so much for her SO’s kids etc. Point out what good they do and maybe they will start to realize how much they do for their SO’s and stop letting them run the show.

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