(Closed) Finding it so hard waiting… Babies + Career!!

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 4
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m in a similar boat.  We got married in May and are going to start TTC in January.  I currently work as a secretary in a law office (I majored in music) and I’ve thought about going to law school (I would start Fall 2014).  I know that waiting until after law school would be the “rational” thing to do…but I don’t want to wait for a child.  My view is you can’t plan your life to every little second.  I know that when I do decide to go to law school and I’m lucky enough to succeed at TTC and have a baby then it will be difficult, but not undoable. 

Post # 5
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Wabbit87:  How old are you and your FI? I’m guessing that if you’ve just graduated from university then you are probably young 20s? It took me about 2 years after graduating to find a job in my degree, I’m 24 now.  I went through 3 positions as an administrative assistant and a move to a new state before I was promoted to the marketing department in my current company now. I went to college for advertising and journalism.  With the economy the way that it is and being fresh from school it can take a little while to get into a job in your field.  I am very happy where I am now and know that the stepping stone beginner jobs brought me to where I am today.  It sounds like you have passion about what you want to do and I want to encourage you to make that a reality no matter what stepping stones you might have to work through to get there. 

On the subject of TTC, and I can only speak from my own experience, my Darling Husband and I have a simillar back story to you. We’ve been together for 7 years and are newlyweds. 2 years out of college. For us, taking the time to become financially and emotionally ready to TTC centered on us both having stable full time jobs with benefits, a house to start a family in, and time together as a married couple before adding to our family. We both want a family but know that if we wait we will be more prepared, older, and even more confident in being “ready.” Maybe decide with your Fiance what things you want to have before TTC. If you want to focus on finding a career in your field that will provide you with benefits when you do get pregnant then focus on that for now. There doesn’t need to be a rush to TTC after the wedding if there are things you want to get lined up in your life first. And no matter if you are first to bear grandchildren or not your babies will be loved by your family regardless. I hope some of this has helped, good luck to you. And just focus on your wedding right now, there will be plenty of time to obsess about TTC and babies after. I know because I’ve been there πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am 26 and have been out of college for 5 years now. My husband is 28. We have been together for 4 1/2 years and we both dreamed of being younger parents. To add to the mix, I have a 9 year old stepdaughter and we both really wanted to have a child that was at least remotely close in age to her. She is at the perfect age to be a big sister!

Here’s where the back story comes in. I am a teacher (certified in three areas) with my master’s degree. I was a subsitute for 2 years, taught for a year, and then was laid off from my district. Jobs are SCARCE right now and I am interviewing against teachers who have 10+ years of experience. For the past two years I have taught education classes at a local college and although I love my job, the stability just isn’t there (I don’t have a doctorate). So, we just can’t even think about TTC right now. It stinks! My husband has a good job with benefits and is pretty stable, but I just don’t think that we could live comfortably on his salary and benefits alone (in fact I know we can’t). So, unfortunately for the time being TTC is off the table. I hate that we can’t make our parenthood dream come true right now, but I know that I still have time and I am just too concerned that we would struggle more than necessary.

So, long story short… I feel your pain! I don’t have great advice, as I could use some great advice myself. We are just trying to enjoy every moment of newlywed bliss and push the baby desires out of our minds until the time is more right.

Post # 7
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Wabbit87 I’m assuming your more a less my age (22) since you just finished UNI and I think that having a baby now for me would be catastrophic!

First of all you should get married and ejoy being newlyweds. If you have a baby now or in the near future you can probably wave bye bye to your career. When you have a baby he/she becomes your number one priority and you can’t give 100% to your job, and given the current economical climate you need to give 100% the first few years to eventually land the job of your dreams and relax a little bit. 

I think it also depends a lot on how many children you want. 

If only one then I kind of see your point, do it now, stay at home a few years and then start your career.

Post # 9
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Wabbit87 it’s understandable,but having a baby now may make you feel even more behind!

your so young you have so many years to have kids!

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

I get what you’re feeling. I got married a few months ago, and initially we had planned to not start ttc for 3 years. However, since the wedding i’ve got crazy baby fever. Darling Husband has considered that we try sooner than 3 yrs (but more like waiting another yr rather than right away), which for me sounds forever… He thinks I should wait until I’m more settled in my career. I’ve been working for four years, am qualified in my field, though not experienced enough for management. The thing is, I’m really lacking in motivation on the career front, even taking babies out of the equation, I just don’t like my industry (not fulfilling in the slightist, though pays well).

It’s so good that you’ve identified a career you know you’ll love. If I were you, I’d focus on getting a job in that field, and then just see what happens in terms of ttc. Maybe you’ll love it so much you won’t mind waiting a while (at least until you qualify for maternity benefits). And then you can work through your pregnancy and have all that experience to put on your CV for whenever you want to go back to work post baby πŸ™‚

As for wanting the first grandchild, I’d try to put that out of your mind. It’ll still be adored!

Best of luck with the rest of your wedding plans

 

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