(Closed) Finding out gender BEFORE or AFTER baby is born

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll: I found/plan on finding out...
    Before baby is born : (197 votes)
    65 %
    After baby is born : (106 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 32
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I found out with my first, and am torn about the second. I think if you have a big stake in which gender, it’s better to wait. I think if you spend 20 weeks being bummed about having a boy when you wanted a girl (or vice versa) is terrible–once the baby is there, you probably wouldn’t care as much. So we’ll have to see when it comes time if we want to find out or not. 

    Post # 33
    11465 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @Kit_Kath:  I was exactly like you (a planner who has to know everything! )– until this story (which I posted on another thread some time ago) happened:

    My Darling Husband has four children from his first marriage (two are adults, and one of those is married, and two are teens), and we are still hoping that we may be blessed with a child of our own. We’ve talked about this issue several times, and, because I am a Type A planner who loves to be prepared, I told him that I definitely would want to find out the gender in advance. That way, we could paint and decorate with the appropriate gender in mind, and people who would give us gifts would know what to purchase. He completely disagreed with me, saying that he has always been surprised and would want to be surprised again. This actually upset me, because I felt like, “OK, you’ve had FOUR children, and you were able to do things YOUR way. I am in my 40s, and I’ve waited my whole life to possibly have a baby, and you won’t LET me find out the sex in advance?!?!” He then told me I could find out but that I would not be allowed to tell him or anyone else or do anything that could in any way result in him finding out the gender. Well, I thought, what good would THAT do me?

    Fast forward a few months, and my older stepson and his wife, who had been trying to conceive, found out that they were expecting.  They chose NOT to find out the baby’s sex in advance, and, they decided NOT to tell ANYONE the boy and girl first names they had selected.

    When DDIL went into labor, Darling Husband and I, along with DDIL’s family and DSS’s mom, all went to the hospitat to await the pending birth. It was a LONG, LONG day that eventually extended into the wee hours of the following morning. DDIL encountered problems with her hip joint that delayed delivery and caused her extreme pain, despite the epidural. A C-Section was ordered, and DSS then asked his mom and mother-in-law, both of whom had been in the LDR suite, to go down to the waiting room to wait with the rest of us. Eventually, because DDIL was in such intense pain even with the epidural, she finally had to undergo general anesthesia. This meant that even DSS was banned from the O.R.

    Not being able to be with his wife and witness the birth, DSS decided to come down to the waiting room to wait along with us. We were all tired and, of course, concerned as we awaited word from upstairs,

    FINALLY, an OB nurse came downstairs, with DDIL’s camera in her hand, grinning from ear-to-ear. The mere sight of her happy face caused us all to feel an immediate sense of relief. She handed DSS the camera and said, simply, “They’re both fine. And everything you need to know is on there.”

    DSS stood, sobbing with relief, tears streaming down his face, hands shaking, as he struggled between wanting to see all of the pictures at once and trying to absorb every detail of each precious picture. We all surrounded him, peering over his shoulder, listening to his sniffles and sobs, as our eyes sought to take in everything we were seeing. DSS slowly advanced the pics on the digital camera until he came to a full body shot of his precious firstborn, and he cried out in a loud, tearful, quivering voice, “IT’S A GIRL!!!!!! ITS A GIRL!!!!!! IT’S (insert her beautiful name here)!!!!!”

    I have to tell you, I am “only” his stepmother, but I LOVE that boy like he is my own son, and that incredibly, PRECIOUS moment is forever etched in my heart and mind. I became choked up just retelling this story. That honestly may have been THE. MOST. BEAUTIFUL. MOMENT that I have EVER been privileged to witness — and be a part of — in my entire life! We were ALL crying. We were ALL overjoyed. And we were all in complete awe that we each had a brand new daughter, granddaugher, or niece — and we finally heard her name. It was absolutely INCREDIBLE.

    From that moment on, I decided, I’m with Darling Husband.  If WE have a baby, I SO am NOT going to find out what we’re having. I’m sold. 🙂

    Post # 34
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    @mallo:  To protect yourself? Please explain.


    To answer the question… no way I have the patience to wait until after.


    Post # 35
    11520 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @linnylou_88:  I only know 1 person who waited until baby was born – and that was at the insistince of the father.  She said it was one of the best decisions they ever made.  It kept something really special just between them – even with his whole family at the hospital, there was still something that was a little more sacred, that little bit extra anticipation for everyone.

    I’m in the I don’t want to know camp.  I may change my mind when the time comes, but I’ve never felt like I wanted to know before.

    Post # 36
    1612 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @linnylou_88:  Not pregnant but I hate surprises.  I have a feeling this will be a heated discussion with my SO when the time comes.  He will definitely want to wait.

    Post # 37
    640 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Before! Darling Husband and I are decorating the nursery in a neutral theme no matter what (greens/browns/yellows and animals), but we still want to know the gender. 

    Post # 38
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    With our daughter, we chose to find out the sex. My husband is a planner and he couldn’t imagine not knowing as much as we could find out about the future, and I felt like knowing would help us bond with the baby before she was born. We wanted to buy all unisex gear anyway so that wasn’t going to be affected. But after the ultrasound when we could talk about “our daughter”, it all seemed so much more real and momentous.

    Next time around, I might try to convince hubby to keep it a surprise. I feel like we won’t need to know the sex because we already know what to expect and how it feels to be parents– although it might help to prepare our daughter if she knows whether she’ll have a little brother or sister.


    Post # 39
    1844 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

      We had our first child three weeks ago and we found out beforehand that our first child would be a boy. My husband and I are both planners and we wanted to know. It definitely didn’t ruin anything on the day he was born!

      I know of many people who were Team Green and their ultrasound tech slipped to them and told them the gender. My friends were devastated. In one couple’s case, it happened minutes after they reminded their tech that they did not want to know.

    Post # 40
    6887 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    We found out before.  Though I think if we have a 2nd child going to wait.. 

    Post # 41
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We’re waiting! It doesn’t impact any planning or purchases for us, we prefer gender neutral stuff for practical and esthetic reasons and the surprise is exciting to us. The only downside is having to come up with two lists of names!

    Post # 42
    2662 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I want to wait. At first I thought it would be so fun to find out through a gender reveal party, but after talking with my friends and reading team green stories on the Bee, I’m sold! I told Darling Husband this a while ago and he seemed unsure, but the seed is planted so I’m hoping between then and us TTC/hopefully getting pregnant that it has time to grow and he agrees to wait for the surprise. 🙂

    Post # 43
    2268 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’ve always wanted to know my babies gender as soon as possible, but recently I’ve been thinking it would be nice to find out from SO when I deliver and he cuts the cord. I also love that by being ‘team green’ we won’t get any gender specific clothes or toys – I personally find most gender clothing…tacky.

    SO wants to find out though, so we’ll have to see how we both feel once we’re actually pregnant.

    Post # 44
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I can’t Gabe kids so my 18 day old niece is the closest I will ever have. When my sister and Brother-In-Law got pregnant they said they did not want to know until the delivery. I had to beg and plead and cry and bribe and bargain to let them agree to the doctor telling only me and then me not telling anyone. I HAD to know. I can’t explain it, it just was one more thing that made it more real and exciting. Fortunately, after the doctor told me, my sister also snapped send HAD to know and the a week LPlater Brother-In-Law HAD to know. So then everyone knew and I didn’t gave to worry about slipping,,,,

    Post # 45
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014


    I’m a very very high risk pregnancy and am monitored constantly (more than one a week)   because of damage I have to my uterus from an attack years ago. 

    I think if I don’t find out the sex I can separate my mind from the baby, not being detached in a nasty way. But I need to keep some distance to protect myself and I think not knowing the sex is part of that. I don’t want to count my chickens. (I don’t look at scan photos either or buy things). I have to think of it purely medically so trying to keep emotion out of my experience.


    Post # 46
    621 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @linnylou_88:  We will only find out after our baby is born for multiple reasons:

    -We don’t care if it’s a boy or girl

    -the gender doesn’t affect what colors we will buy/decorate with. I hate the color pink and not crazy about blue

    -it will hopefully prevent people from buying pink and blue things and giving their opinions on names, clothes, etc.

    -Finding out before the baby is born is not 100%. I know MANY people who were told they were having one gender and then end up having another. It happened with my brother!

    -I think it makes the whole birthing experience more special.

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