(Closed) Finding out the sex?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

mdglass:  If I read your post correctly it suggests that your Darling Husband is going to be disappointed if he finds out your baby is a girl. How’s that going to work in reality?

Post # 17
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Steampunkbride:  Yeah, that concerned me a bit as well.  I would lean towards finding as ASAP if the concern is gender disappointment.  That way he has 4-5 months to get used to the idea and get excited about having a girl.  That’s the big reason I want to know as well.  I don’t want to spend the first few days of my baby’s life being disppointed that it’s not the sex I preferred or planning for baby #2 hoping that next time it’s the sex I wanted.

Post # 18
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

MrsEME:  I’m answering as if it were a couple who couldn’t come to an agreement. In either case, either the dad will get their way or the mom will.

Post # 19
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I am in the exact same boat as you….. And we are pregnant. Darling Husband is adamant that we DO NOT find out the sex. I really really want to know, so he always said that I could find out and keep it a secret from him. Problem is…. I think I might accidentaly tell him. 

Now that we are pregnant, I THINK I might be able to wait. I really wanted a girl, but now that I am pregnant, in all honesty any healthy baby will do. So we are going to go ahead and do the nursery in creams. And I will start buying things in cream. Though I am worried that is a LOT of cream! We will see how I do when it gets closer. 

Post # 20
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Steampunkbride:  That’s incredible. I’m sure it was very much a surprise! Thankfully, at around 20 weeks (this is for everybody else), mix-ups like these generally occur in 2% of cases or fewer.

I was amused to see that some of the prenatal clinics in my area actually offer $100 – $200 gift certificates to parents if it turns out they predicted the gender incorrectly. While some might giggle off a sudden surprise, I can imagine some others are livid!

But, for the topic at hand: <br />I’m of the opinion that mom’s vote carries more weight. That…and for some parents, discovering the gender can aid the bonding process.

Post # 21
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

NonannaS:  If you go with mostly creams, I think it’s actually a pretty classic, sophisticated look!  It’s what I woud prefer, whether we know the sex of the baby or not.  Also, keep in mind, as soon as baby is born and everyone finds out the sex, you’re very likely going to get gifts of very gendered clothing from grandparents and other excited family members, so it won’t be entirely monotone 🙂

Post # 22
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

CookieCreamCakes:  It was a huge but wonderful surprise. When my son texted me the good news “We had a beautiful baby girl half an hour ago”. I thought he was actually winding me up. So, in fact, for a moment did my DIL who had a c-section and was at the wrong end, so to speak when Phoebe was born! 

They were thrilled with their “surprise” baby girl but for sure, replacing all those beautiful baby clothes that had been given away was an unexpected expense!

Post # 24
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Not pregnant or TTC but I think I want to be surprised. Darling Husband wants to find out. I personally think that because his sister found out with all three of hers, that’s just what people do. If we are ever in that boat I foresee us disagreeing!

I am also totally appalled by the lengths that some people go to with the “gender reveal” aspect. Plus a tiny little piece of me wants to mischievelously make people wait to find out!

Post # 25
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

mdglass:  regarding the gender dissappointment issue, if he might be dissappointed i think he would want to know earlier. Get a chance to get excited for a girl. Otherwise, the day of your daughters birth, he first his his daughter he will love the rest of his life and be sort of sad? i mean the fact we were rooting for a gender is actually why i wanted to know asap. Either way you will love the baby, but isnt it better to get over the gender dissappointment before the birth?

Post # 26
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is tough. I was always in the Team Green camp and in the beginning my husband was on board too, or at least really easy to convince. We just had our anatomy scan yesterday though (didn’t find out), and he’s totally wavering now. I still firmly would prefer not to find out, but we had a conversation about it on the way home. My compromise for the time being (definitely wouldn’t be a “compromise” for everyone) is that we wait until after our shower 9 or so weeks before our due date and talk about it then. If my husband still feels strongly that he wants to find out, I will agree without any bitterness towards him or the decision. 

I just don’t want him to resent anything and I wouldn’t be devastated if we found out in advance. His arguments are sound – he feels that bonding and preparation will be easier if he knows if it’s a boy or girl. I will tell you that if I got ANY hint that he would have gender disappointment one way or another that I’d book an appointment to find out in advance the next day! I can’t imagine going through that emotional experience of birth and seeing any kind of disappointment on his face. The preparation and knowing in advance would help. 

Post # 27
Member
5474 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We did not find out the sex last time, and haven’t decided yet if we will find out this time.  I’m SO glad I didn’t know, because I got several useful items off my registry at my shower.  My cousin, who found out and annouced they were having a girl, ended up getting about 50 pink frilly outfits in either newborn or 3 mo size.

Another advantage (because by nature I’m TypeA/planner as well) is that all of our big ticket items are neutral.  I don’t have to purchase ANYTHING for this baby, except some clothes if it’s a boy, and some 6 mo size clothes for winter if it’s a girl, because Dear Daughter was in 6mo clothes over the summer.  

 

However, if we had a strong gender preference, we would definitely have found out the baby’s sex so that we would be able to adjust our expectations and bond with the baby we were having.

I can say though, that I didn’t have any bonding delays because I didn’t know what I was carrying.  There is a human life growing inside of my body, and I feel really connected to that.  As far as I know, Darling Husband didn’t have trouble bonding either, since he read baby books to my belly and felt kicks and everything.

Post # 28
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

mdglass:  we were in the same situation as you. We are going to TTC later this year. And we agreed on everything except finding out the gender. 

He pretty much acted like a salesman to get me to agree with him. He does not want to find out the gender, he loves surprises and he said that it would be the ultimate surprise. His parents even agreed that the surprise on the day of delivery is worth it, there is no other feeling like hearing “its a boy” or “its a girl” on due date. 

What also helped was me picking out a theme for the baby’s room thats neutral but still nice. I have had a few negative comments (from my “best friend”) and she said you will regret it, expect to get a lot of yellow and green and white (<—that does not bother me)

If you go the route of you finding out the gender and not telling Darling Husband, you will risk the chance of accidentally slipping up or you just get so excited that you tell him. If you have a baby shower, he will know because you might pick out stuff thats blue or pink

Post # 29
Member
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I didn’t want to find out.  My ex did.  We ended up finding out both times.  Honestly, I am glad we did.  It was easier to plan and I didn’t get stuck with a bunch of pastel green and yellow at my showers.  Plus, I wasn’t stuck with a gender neutral nursery.  Not much choice out there for that.  I don’t think it took anything away from the delivery either.  There is simply nothing on this earth that compares to working so hard to give birth and holding that tiny, amazing human in your arms.  It is a stunning experience whether you know the gender or not!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by  NavyBee.

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