Post # 1
With only 2 WEEKS to go, I’m a the most stressed in the whole planning thing. Unfortunately its been mostly my father who has been the cause of it.
Whenever he brings up the wedding, he’ll make offhanded comments like, “of course, usually its the father who is the witness” or “consult with me on everything…don’t embarrass me”. He is constantly more worried about his ego and reputation than it being my day.
Last month, I called him twice to inform him that as we would have too many relatives on his table, that one of my 3 brothers had to sit with my mother’s family (my parents are divorced). I asked if he was cool with it each time…he offhandedly said it was up to me.
I had just put through my seating charts to the coordinators last week, so you can only imagine my reaction at this latest news from a cousin that my dad was telling all the relatives on his side that he was threatening not to go to the wedding if I dared put even one brother on my mother’s tale.
In turn, my relatives on my dad’s side they won’t go if my dad is going. I’m ready to disown them all if it wasn’t for the fact they brought me up.
Post # 3
a) Your witnesses are usually the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man, whoever those end up being.
b) Obviously he didn’t want you to decide anything if he’s being a giant dick. Is he always like this?
Post # 4
@blinx: I’m sorry you are going through this and that your family is acting in such an immature manner.
I don’t have much advice for you…but I think you should stop consulting your Father on the wedding, though and asking if he is okay with things. I think that may be giving him permission to start drama. As the saying goes, it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission!
As for the seating issue right now – if you think it is going to cause a big problem, why don’t you seat your brothers at a separate table from both your Mom and Dad? Are they old enough to sit alone, or would they need adult supervision?
Post # 5
Your dad should sit with your brothers. And all the other children – at the kiddy table. What a child.
Don’t tell him anything else, just tell him you have it taken care of and let him throw a hissy fit in front of everyone else when he goes to pick up his escort card.
Post # 6
Disgusting and very selfish attitude 🙁
Post # 7
What a douche. Stop talking to him about wedding stuff. If your cousins choose to be immature and not show because your brother are sitting with their mother, then that’s on them. They will be the ones to miss out on your amazing day. Think of it this way-if they don’t show, it’s that much less drama that you have to deal with!
Post # 8
Sadly he IS always like that, but the sneaky way…doing it ebhind people’s backs. He has a charm to strangers but only those closest to him bear the brunt of it.
So far, I’ve been fine with the whole withnessing thing being the fathers, but this control freak thing with the reception seating is really urking me! Arggghhh!
Post # 9
I only started consulting him for advice after one of my brothers got married and did something wrong (well, in his eyes…everyone else probably didn’t even notice). He hasn’t stopped complaining about it since. To me. Only. I think he just wants to make sure I don’t repeat anything that may insult him. Again, that’s too hard to interpret.
I give up. Too hard to please him.
Post # 10
Thanks, so true. I’m learning the extremely hard way to let go of trying to please him. My groom-to-be is stubborn and wants to stand his ground coz it’s OUR day but I decided this is the last change I’m doing…so he supported me and so last night, we finally managed to rearrange 3 tables to suit.
My brothers are older than me and one has a big family so I think my dad wanted that “head of the house” hierarchy around him. Old fashioned, I know. Sigh~~~
Post # 11
@blinx: The maid of honor and best man are supposed to be the witnesses. I’ve never in my life heard that the fathers do.
My advice is stop asking for his opinion or blessing, and accept that he’s going to complain.