Finding the One in your late 20s/early 30s

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

I was married for 9 years. He was abusive… And I had to leave with nothing but kids for safety one day. I literally had nothing. It wasn’t just starting over love wise for me. Thankfully my paremts helped me financially… And I was able to create stable home life for my kids. 

 

For the starting over love wise…for me… I had to find myself.I had to find out what I truly wanted before I could be someone’s partner. I casually dated here and there. Nothing serious. Met my fiance on POF and we clicked. He was my best friend before anything. I wasn’t ready to meet him and we went almost 3 months before we met. But having that friendship first was important to me. I think at your age… (I was also your age at the time I had to start over) its great to really soul search and know what you want. Focus on yourself… And building friendships before romantic relationships.

 

Post # 17
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I’ve posted before, but I’ll share again. Relationship ended after ~11 years with an a-hole, lying, cheating, alcoholic. I was 26, and he actually broke up with me on Valentine’s Day. 6 months to the day after that, I had my first date with my now Darling Husband. We got engaged when I was 29, and married just a few months ago at 31. He is amazing, and so much better than anyone I ever could have imagined for myself!

Post # 18
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I started over at the age of 30. I had been with my then-husband for 10 years in total, married for 8. He just up and decided that he wanted a different life than what we had built, and despite spending 6 months in marriage counseling trying to work it out, nothing changed within him. I finally got sick of being the one making all the sacrifices, taking the emotional brunt of his BS and ended it.

I went into intensive therapy, exercised A LOT, spent a lot of time with my daughter and girlfriends. about 13 months after my ex husband had moved out, I met my current Darling Husband. I had dated a bit before him and was super frustrated at the dating scene. When I met him, I had decided to take a break from dating because of that frustration. We met through mutual friends and it developed really quickly – it was such an easy bond. We dated for 2 years, became engaged and were married 7 months later when I was 33. So, there is hope – and I am SO grateful for my journey because it brought me to where I am today.

Post # 19
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

I got divorced at 27, had a couple serious but bad relationships after that (I kept repeating the same mistakes that lead me to marry a shitty guy to begin with), took some time off relationships (but still dated), met my perfect person when I was 31 (almost 32), got engaged at 33 and married 7 months later. 5 months later I got pregnant and I’m now 35, with my perfect 4 week old daughter in my lap and I couldn’t be happier. Don’t worry 🙂 

Post # 20
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

I was 25 when my marriage died. Met/started seeing my current SO when I was 26, started actually dating when I was 27. 20s and 30s is still early in life; plenty of time to start over. 

Post # 21
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I had one relationship from 20-25. We were engaged but it was broken off. It was the most traumatic thing I’ve had to deal with in my whole life. So I found a new hobby I LOVED and didn’t date at all for 10 years. I just couldn’t bear to.

Then when I was 36, I met a guy who decided he really liked me and set about winning my trust. He wasn’t what I envisaged, and by then had a plan for the rest of my single life. But my friends said give him a chance!

Turns out that he’s wonderful and perfect for me. He definitely makes me a better person. He said it was love at first sight and he proposed after 4 months. It took me another 7 to catch up and say yes! I’m glad every day that I let him in to my life. 

Post # 22
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I ended a 3 year relationship when I was 31. Similar to your situation, he led me to believe he wanted to get married and just kept dragging his feet. After we split, I made very conscious decisions about how to approach dating. I joined a few dating sites and was very upfront on first and second dates that I was looking for a seriously relationship that would lead to marriage and kids. I upfront asked each date if they felt the same. I met my now Fiance about 4 months after my ex and I split. He is truly the most amazing person I’ve ever met and wants marriage and a family. We got engaged on our one year anniversary 🙂

Post # 23
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

I dated my ex for about 5 years. We were engaged, living together, wedding booked, save the dates were already out etc…..he broke off the engagement one night when I got home from work.  That was about 3.5 years ago.  I was beyond devastated.  I ended up having fun dating for awhile online and Tinder….not taking anything too seriously.  About 1.5 years after our breakup I went on a a Tinder date expecting nothing….it was my last first date ever 🙂  We got engaged 1.5 years after that and we’re getting married in October.  I was 27 when my engagement broke off and I’m 32 now!  My best advice I can give you:  wash away any timelines you had set, enjoy dating (when you’re ready) and let fate run it’s course.  

Post # 24
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee

My story is long.  Apologies in advance.

Dated a guy in college that I was into way more than he was me.  Finally came to my senses and broke up with him when I started physical therapy school (I was 21).  In PT school I made a lot of new friends including a guy named Noah.

I started dating another guy and evenutally got engaged to him.  Noah was dating someone when we met but we always had a good connection.  Always just platonic though.

I found out 2 months to my wedding that my ex had cheated on me.  Devastated, I called the wedding off.  Noah was there for me as a shoulder to cry on.  We remained friends through his relationships as well.  I went through a couple of relationships myself, only for none of them to work out, and I thought I was destined to be single forever.

One night my friends and I were supposed to get together to celebrate a birthday.  I was so down from my previous spells of bad luck that I decided I wasn’t going to go.  Noah found out and called me.  He pepped talked me into going.

At dinner, Noah sat across the table from me and every time I looked up he kept glancing and smiling at me.  My best friend asked me what was up with us and I said nothing.  She didn’t believe me; she said how can I not tell that Noah has a thing for me.  I said we’ve been friends for like 6 years and if was into me, I think I would have noticed.

That night when he drove me home, he shocked me by revealing he had feelings for me.  He asked me to go out the following night.  And the rest is history. smile  He proposed 7 months after we started dating, 3 weeks before my 30th birthday.   We got married in December and I couldn’t be happier!

Things really do happen when you least expect them.  I never thought I would end up with someone that I had been friends with for 6 years.

Post # 25
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I ended a 4.5 year long relationship when I was 28; my mom had kept telling me that I was wasting my twenties, the “best years” of my life with him, but of course I thought she was wrong for a long time. undecided After breaking it off, I figured I would stay single for a couple years, date around but nothing serious, and focus on my career. Instead, barely 3 weeks after I had broken up with my ex, a guy friend from our circle of friends messaged me on Facebook, asking what had happened with my now-ex. He himself had been through a rough breakup about 6 months prior, so we were messaging back and forth about breakups and relationship stuff a bit, but thought it would be easier to talk about it in person, so he suggested we meet up for drinks to hang out. A few months later, we were officially dating, and after a little over a year of dating, he proposed to me for my 30th birthday.

It’s funny because I had known him for about 2.5 years before we met up, and I always thought he was attractive, but if someone would have asked me right after my breakup if there was anyone who I already knew who I’d be interested in dating, I would have said no; I don’t want to say I forgot my FH existed (lol), but he just wasn’t on my radar that way. I assumed that I would have to meet someone totally new for a relationship, but it turned out that the love of my life had already been in front of my face for a long time! You really never know how things will work out! I’ve been through some tough times in life, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that it’s never too late to recalibrate and start over. Don’t fear change, learn to embrace it!

Post # 26
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I was married to my first husband for 15 years. Together 17. Married young & he decided the grass was greener after 2 kids & 17 years. Fell in love again & married. Probably too quickly. Still, stayed together 7 years until & couldn’t take the cheating. And here I am at 43. Happily married (3rd time – ouch). Finally found the perfect man for me. So right it’s unmistakable. 

Post # 27
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

I was in a 5 years relationship with a nice guy but we had family issues (his parents refused to meet me) so I broke it off. I was 27. 

I was happy being single but met my current partner soon after and we’ve been together since (2.5 years). He is honestly everything I hope for in a partner. 

Honestly you are still so young and still have plenty of time to meet another guy. 

 

Post # 28
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

acw124 :  Not super late into my 20s but was engaged to a guy I had been with for 2.5 years and we ended 6 months from the wedding when I was 25. It was by far more his decision than mine, even though I was also unhappy with him and then found out after that he cheated with at least three women. It was hard to start my life over from what I had been planning with this guy, to learn how to focus on and love myself, and move on. It took a lot of time with friends and family, a lot of time by myself (talking to myself and telling myself I was worth it and deserved better, etc), and a lot of learning….but it is soooo possible. I was so scared to date again, to open up and let someone into my heart and life again, and scared to have to face the world by myself. Needless to say, I haven’t regretted moving on at all. His friend messaged me about 6 months after we broke up and asked if I had received a message from him at all because he kept talking about wanting to get back together and that he knew he messed up. I didn’t care and told his friend to please stop messaging me because I no longer desired any contact with my ex. 

I met my now husband less than a year later on a dating app (OK Cupid) and we just got married in December 2017 shortly before I turned 28. I laid everything out on the line when we first met, after going on a few duds before him, let him know my background….he had been through a super similar situation with a woman as well about 5 years before. I told him I would always be honest and not bottle things up because that is one of the things I learned about myself. I told him if he or I felt it wasn’t working out that we needed to let each other know right away so neither of us was strung along. We felt like we had been dating for such a long time after only a few months, and it still seems like we have been together longer than 3 years. He is the most amazing guy. He makes me laugh even when I don’t want to, helps with things around the house, is always offering to help with other things, is supportive, loves me for the silly girl I am, and ended up being my saving grace. I feel like he was being saved for me after learning about myself in a messy relationship first. I am so thankful I found him when I did and now can’t wait to start a family together. 

Post # 29
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

acw124 :  27 is so young, even if it doesn’t always feel it. I met my ex-husband at 27 and we divorced when I was 33. I felt really old. But now I’m 35, I’ve been with my gorgeous SO for 1 year and a half, and we are expecting bubba number one! You have heaps of time. Xx 

Post # 30
Member
10668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

acw124 :  

I was a looooooot older than you are when I met Dh and fresh out of an abusive relationship.  The ink wasn’t dry on the divorce petition yet.

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