Finding the patience and waiting for him to propose.

posted 4 months ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

My only advice: either help get to the place he wants to be faster, or enjoy the journey. If he wants to have more money saved, maybe pick up some more hours at work or get a part-time job, cut spending. 

Alternatively, maybe start “planning” early. Not actually booking things, bc obv you’re not engaged yet, but read up on some traditions, styles, maybe find some wedding preferences to stave you off. Go Pinterest crazy. That’s what I did while I was waiting for the perfect time for me to propose to him. Then, I had a better handle on planning bc I had done some recon beforehand. 

Good luck, Bee.

Post # 3
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

ellycesmellis :  I know you’ve known each other for many years but you’re still extremely young and will hopefully grow and change quite a bit in your 20s. I’d use this time to ensure you’re becoming your very best self with further education, hobbies, etc. 

Post # 4
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

ellycesmellis :  My fiance and I met when we were both 18. He proposed on our 10 year anniversary last year!

The best thing I can tell you about waiting is just take every day one at a time. Always choose each other every day. Always fight for your love every day. If your intention is to truly be together forever, that time waiting is just more time with the love of your life.

One big thing I learned from being with my partner from that age to now is that you will change. You will grow. You will become new, different people. You know each other inside and out now but that will change. You will have to grow and change together. So again I say, choose your love and each other every day to make that happen. My fiance and I have fought for each other every day for the last 11 years, through the good, the bad and the horrible, but we continue to do so and that is why we have made it this far!

Post # 5
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I agree with PP’s, take some time to really enjoy the relationship and to decide who you really want to be separate from your bf. At 18, I may have been head over heels for my now husband but I certainly didn’t know much else! We both went through college dating and not long after celebrating our 3 years together, he proposed. We got married after both graduating. This is all to say that while we were still a young couple when we tied the knot, we had been together over 4 years, went to separate colleges, made our own sets of friends and developed a little more as individuals. While you may think that you are ready to get married, he is not, and what’s the rush? You’re at least 3 years younger than most young brides on this site and you’re happy together now. Looking at all these ring boards and wedding planning posts may not be helping, and honestly I would recommend against looking up wedding stuff because it will just make you crazier *I know from experience* 😅 Try and enjoy just making new memories as a couple, because while you have known each other for many years, your relationship is still relatively new! 

Post # 6
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

I think your boyfriend raises some really great points on waiting to have a stable job and be financially secure. The best thing you can do right now is live in the moment and try not to think about the future too much. Some bees on here have become resentful or angry because they are waiting for their significant other to propose and it isn’t happening. As the PP said, I would avoid ring and wedding boards or you may become one of those resentful bees! 

Post # 7
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Lord have mercy I’m not going to sugar coat this: you are too young to be married.  You talked about his plan for a career, but what about you? What is your plan for your future? That’s where your mind should be: getting a degree, learning a trade, finding a good job and becoming an adult… not a bride.  

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

You’re 18. This time could be spent more productively by getting an education and work experience and trying new fun activities. In short, finding yourself. You don’t believe this, but you change from 18 to 25. Wasting these years by pining for an engagement is just sad. Enjoy your freedom and your youth, neither will be yours forever!

Post # 9
Member
5411 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

What to do to keep you busy in the meantime?  Be 18? Go to school?  

You talk about spending the next two years for him to build his career but what about yours? Are you in school? Do you have goals, aspirations? 

Personally I think 18 is way too young to get married and it sounds like your boyfriend has the sense to think the same way. 

Post # 10
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee

At 18, you’re not even done developing physically yet, let alone mentally. Your boyfriend also has a lot of maturing to do. 

If you can make it through those changes together, and come out stronger, great! But my advice would be to wait to get married until both of you are educated, in good careers, and probably older than 25. If you’re meant to be together, there is no rush at all to get married. 

Post # 11
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

That’s awesome that you are lucky enough to be with someone you’ve known half of your life. I’m sure you know him well. However, I would strongly suggest like PPs to take this time to just enjoy your time together. 18 is super young. I do think it’s super important for both of you to either have a career, go to trade school or get a degree. There are plenty of people who figure that out after marriage. However, why put that stress on yourself? The number one cause of divorce is finances and it makes marriage a lot more smooth to have a savings account and have stable, decent paying jobs. 

I also wanted to add that a lot of women think that they love and want to marry the person they’re with at your age. Only a fraction of us are with that person though. And it’s because people grow and change so much in their early 20s. 

Im not staying you shouldn’t stay with your boyfriend or that you shouldn’t get married. I’m just suggesting not to focus on marriage now. Finding a career path, saving money and experience/growing should be your priority! 

Post # 12
Member
6411 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I agree that at 18 you should be considering who and what you want to be, aside from Mrs. Him. What are your plans for education? Career? What things do you like to do outside the relationship? No one else can complete you; you have to be a complete person on your own to truly have deep and meaningful relationships. And when you’re busy with all those things you won’t have time to pine for engagement. 

Post # 13
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Iowa

ellycesmellis :  there’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married young and being excited/hopeful for that time, I’m 20 and my fiancé is 21 so I’m not much older than you. I do agree with your fiancé though, it seems smart to save money and have him work towards more stability career wise. I highly recommend focusing on yourself while your waiting for a propsal – find yourself, work towards your education/career goals! It’ll help you pass the time while waiting while also securing your future.

I may be only 20, but in the past two years I have changed a lot through college, new jobs, friends, and experiences and I think it’s important to experience that for yourself. We did a year of a somewhat long distance (1.5 hrs apart seeing each other like maybe every other weekend sometimes not that) and it honestly made us stronger and allowed us both to really figure out our own stuff separate but also together if that makes sense. We really didn’t even start seriously talking about getting engaged until about 2.5 yrs together while living together and my fiancé was about to graduate with his first degree (I graduate in 1.5 yrs and we’re planing to get married about 2 yrs from now).

Everyone does everything at their own pace, but I think at 18 waiting a couple years will be really good for you! (Go crazy with the Pinterest board though lol I did that for a loooong time before we got engaged and it really helps now looking back through it!)

Post # 14
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Just something to consider – a lot changes in your 20s. Particularly around 25-26. Enjoy this time and set goals for yourself. Get your education, pursue any career aspirations. Make friends and have fun with them too. As you become who you are meant to be, things will fall into place (and be wise then to see it all when they do). 

Post # 14
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I met my Darling Husband when we were both young and married 10+ years later when we were both in good places i.e. stable jobs, financially stable, etc. so I applaud your boyfriend; his reasonings make sense and you should be proud of him for setting goals and thinking about the future. 

I just want to share: meeting my Darling Husband and falling in love so young made me make choices that were not wise/reasonable in retrospect because nearly all of my decisions were based on our relationship. When I got older, I did slightly regret some of these choices because I wished I spent more time focusing on myself, letting myself grow, explore my interests, learn more, meet new friends, etc. (what the other bees have suggested to you). You might not like what PPs are saying, but right now, you are too young. 18 is the age to think about yourself and not others, explore what kind of person you want to be so you can grow to become a better person.

If you need ways to pull your attention away from wedding/engagement, start focusing on yourself. I know you said you want to be a wife; perhaps you could take cooking classes. Are you furthering your education? Start thinking about yourself, as a person, not just as someone’s girlfriend. Good luck!

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