Finding the patience and waiting for him to propose.posted 1 year ago in Proposals
- 1 year ago
Now is the rime for you to grow as a person. Go to school. Try out careers. Travel. Make new friends. Learn a language. Play a sport. Take a weird job in a new city. Build skills- learn now to manage people, take on responsibility at work. Now is the time to set yourself up for the rest of life. That doesn’t mean you have to ditch your boyfriend. You can grow and learn with him. But focusing on YOU and setting yourself up to be the best version of yourself won’t only be good for you—-it will be good for your marriage. There is a reason people who get married after 25 are much less likely to get divorced and it is in part that they are more likely to do these things.
- 1 year ago
It shouldn’t be hard to figure out what to do with your life at 18! You can work or go to school, or both. Either will introduce you to new friends and interests.
I would have recommended that you lived a few more years with your family to save money. Moving in with a SO can be expensive, and weddings are extremely expensive. You’ll need all the money you can get once you’re formally engaged.
When I was 18-19, I was in a relationship with a guy who had major mental problems. I met him at 15. We talked about marriage, but then he turned emotionally abusive and neglectful. I suffered for months and was never the same after. But in the end, I learned so much about how a good relationship should be, and never let anyone treat me that way again. I hope your current relationship never turns that dark, and helps you grow together.
- 1 year ago
- Wedding: May 2018
You’re so lucky to have the love part of your life figured out so young! Now you can spend your time focusing on developing the other parts of your life. Start working toward a career or a degree or both! Pick what you want to be doing with your life in five or ten years and start doing something every day to work toward it. The time will pass anyway, so you might as well spend it making the life you want to live. Find patience by enjoying your life together. If you get too antsy, a promise ring could help calm your nerves about it, just to have a constant reassuring reminder that you and your SO are on the same page about your goals. These are good problems to have.
- 1 year ago
- Wedding: September 2016
You do not sound mature enough to be considering marriage. You just listed a boyfriend you had at 14 like it was Very Serious Business, and now you’re trying to figure out how to make the next two years pass quickly but haven’t mentioned any plans to have a life of your own. Your boyfriend sounds like he’s got a good head on his shoulders. What are YOU bringing to the table other than your love for him? If your boyfriend was my son, I’d be saying to him “I hope that little girl isn’t thinking she’s going to go from being taken care of by her family to just being taken care of by you.” I would actively dissuade my son from tying himself to a woman with no goals, ambitions or plans of her own other than to get married at 18. Especially if he was only 21 because you aren’t going to be very interesting in a few years if you haven’t done anything with your time but waited on a ring.
You need to figure out what you want for your life separate from him. What are your career goals? What are your travel goals? What are your personal growth goals? What are your physical growth goals? What did your spirit come here to do? Start making lists of those and working on them. And then getting married adds to your already full and wonderful life you’ve created rather than being a distraction from the fact that you don’t really have a life plan.
- 1 year ago
- Wedding: September 2015
I started dating my husband at 18 and we got enhanced when I turned 24. We did a ton of traveling while we could and it felt like mile stones. There is no rush to have fun. As long as you have a plan
- 1 year ago
Awww bee you seem like sweet person. Take my advice to heart- when you express your feelings and your partner pushes it’s either a) hes not that into you or b) he is being honest and pushing him into something could fail or make him push further away. It sounds like he does really care for you. Coming from a girl, who’s been with her bf for over 8yrs (dated in high school as well) I’ll tell you it’s possible for you to be parient:) work on yourself, take care of you, and build a strong relationship with him. You’re crushing pretty hard bee. Do you feel like you may have underling co depency issues? I realize everyone achieves different life points at different times- at 29 I’m more than ever for marriage. I can say I have a better sense of who I am, valuing/self love, prioritizing and putting myself first, patience, an ability to hardle stressful situations and being able to think more clearer with the best intentions. Bottom line is my emotions tend to be much more balanced. Focus on you:)
- 1 year ago
Reading through there are some lovely pieces of advice on here so thank you so much for that bee’s. I also noticed though, that there have been some assumptions which is my fault as I should have cleared this up earlier.
I am currently working as an apprentice doing a job that I love and that I dreamed of doing for a while. I go to college once a week and have some friends there however we are quite far spread but we see each other when we can (they are coming to my place next week for drinks).
I also have 2 childhood friends that I see however with them at Uni and me in full-time work, it’s hard to find the time that we are available, but we do our best.
I thought I would just let you guys know about that as there were comments about how I need to focus on myself, my career and my friends (which is great advice) but I am already doing that. My parents never raised me to be dependent on someone, I pride myself on my independence and ability to do things on my own.
You are all right about him having his head screwed on and how he’s the smart one for waiting for a few years and I 90% agree with him and all of you. I just wanted some advice on things I can do to suppress that 10% of myself that wants to do it all right now. You’ve all been madly in love and know how I feel right? When you feel that way about someone and think that there’s nothing holding you back. But the mature thing to do is enjoy living with him. Take time to focus on my education. Come out with the best qualification I can and then maybe do another level higher!
He is, unfortunately, struggling with his current job and doesn’t know what he wants to do in the long run with his career. I try and help him with this as much as I can but I understand talking about the future excessively isn’t going to make his life easier so I will lay off with that.
I’ve been lucky to go on holidays with my family a lot however he has only left the country three times; once with his family, once with me and once with his friends. I’m going to take this time to go on adventures with him and explore places we haven’t been before or show him somewhere that I loved. I go on holiday with just my sister in a few weeks as well. I went away with her last year and also went on a trip with my friends last year too so I am also going to encourage him to go off with his friends and explore by himself a bit (I have always been encouraging of this but he is still yet to go somewhere).
I am going to set minor goals for me as my own person and maybe we can set some as couples. Like doing something spontaneous once every other month or going on a short break away here and there. And also savings goals. If we do want a future together then we need the money for it. We are currently putting money into a joint savings account so keeping our eye on that would also be wise for us so that years down the line when he does pop the question, we are prepared.
Thank you for all the helpful advice, I understand tough love can work and be necessary however I do feel that there were some judgmental comments amongst these that I will choose to ignore as I don’t like to get tied up in that. Thank you for all the positive comments though and the people who could give tough love without taking it too far or getting personal. I really appreciate everyone’s effort to be honest with me and take the time to write advice and give me some help.
I hope this little update assures you that your advice has been heard. 🙂
- 1 year ago
I think your update is good. However, I personally don’t recommend a joint account with him at this point.
Im not trying to be mean when I say that, I just think that you are so young right now and I know you love him, but A LOT can change between the ages of 18-25. You have no idea.
It’s good you’re happy and in love now, but you have no idea who you are yet and neither does he. And something that unfortunately can happen with young couples/high school sweethearts is that you can sometimes outgrow the relationship.
If you have a joint account and you breakup, either of you could technically take all the money, clear out the account and run if things get ugly. I’m not sure how easy it is to close out a joint account either….
You two are so young and not quite mature yet, and if you’re not married, I think it would be best to avoid intertwining your lives in a complicated way financially until you’re at least at the point of being engaged.
I mean all this to say that you have your entire life ahead of you and all the time in the world to be married. You should take advantage of this time to give yourself the best chance at a bright future and I would want my own child to be set up for success financially as much as possible. And that means having your own money so that you can be independent and never have to rely on someone else financially.
If you already have the account just make sure you are ok with the slight chance of losing any money you put in there. And make sure you have your own separate account.
ETA: I get that there is always that risk, even when you’re engaged or married; however it just seems riskier to have a joint account when you’re so young.
Thats just my opinion though
- 1 year ago
- Wedding: June 2019
I had to laugh at the update “they are coming to my place next week for drinks” — of what? lemonade? (all in good fun, I promise haha, seeing as it could totally be legal to drink where you are). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting married young or wanting to get married young. Plenty of people get married at 18/19/20 and it works out fine. People are judgmental of young marriage. Sometimes for good reason, other times, not so much.
FH and I have known each other since we were 10, liked each other just about as long, and I100% know what it’s like to be in this situation and I totally get where you’re coming from. I was *desperate* to get engaged when I was 19… and FH just wasn’t ready. He wanted to have money and finish school and couldn’t think about getting engaged until that was done. In reality, we had a lot of growing to do as people. I focused really hard on my future aspirations, graduating college, saving up, being a good friend and daughter, and growing myself as a person. I stayed super busy and that helped a lot.
Do you feel like you’re comparing yourself to a lot of other couples? That was one thing that really made me upset during that time in my life. It felt like everyone around me was getting engaged after dating for less time. Also… girl, stay off the wedding websites. It’s so tempting, I know, but seriously. Stay off them and try to get your mind on something else.
We were dating at 16, engaged at 22, married at 24. It all works out in the end and the road there taught me a lot about patience 🙂
- 1 year ago
- Wedding: February 2019
The good news is you already have had a conversation so you know roughly where he stands vs. having to guess & beat around the bush. My advice (which I would give to anyone regardless of age) is to decide a date in the future with him when you will revisit the conversation with him (given he is thinking years, 6 months or a year seems fair). Then let it be until then. For me there is something about saying I won’t talk to him about this again until X date that makes it easier to put it aside and live in the moment. I think sometimes women make the mistake of either not bringing up the subject at all and making assumptions or they keep vaguely beating about the bush so I do think you’re taking the mature path of talking to him about it. I think the key is to respect the fact he’s on a different timeline and not bring it up so frequently you scare off someone who might be interested in marrying you.