(Closed) "Fire" a bridesmaid

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

i have a friend like this … she saw me i a wedding dress shop and walked in and said hi then went to brides maid dreses and did the hole i wont look good in these and conplained to me …. i have not tould her she is a brides maid and she will not be one… have a chat with your friend and tell her that wedding plans have changed and so have your brides maids due to that … or just distance your self from her you do not need that stress on you day! i no how it feels as i know i will have to have this chat with the girl who thinks she can do the same to me but its not worth them upsetting us over wedding stuff … be strong  

Post # 4
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Be blunt and let her know, “Look, I asked you to be a bridesmaid thinking you could be a happy supportive person, you’re not. You’re negative and bring others down. I’m sorry but I just can’t have that kind of energy in my life, let alone my wedding.”

Simple, clean. Lets you move on. I’ve had friends that used me for years as a way to pay for events or get them discounts. When I finally realized they don’t give a crap about me, I cut them out of my life. Who needs that? It takes time to grow a backbone of your own to do that, but once you do, oyu will be thankful.

Post # 5
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

To me, and this is awful and insensitive of me, but I don’t care, if THEY can fall between the cracks and disappear, then reappear, why can’t you? I know you’re planning a wedding, and you’re probably a lot more available, but NO ONE says you have to be. 

You shouldn’t officially name anyone a bridesmaid if you don’t want them to be a part of it. And if they sulk, let those b*tches sulk. If they were really cool, decent people, they may get their feelings hurt, but they’d understand it’s YOUR day, and it’s YOUR choice, and they’ll get over it. 

Post # 6
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

OR, you could plan an elaborate fake fight, and run away screaming. 😉 Kidding.

Post # 7
Member
13079 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, it sounds like you shouldn’t have asked her in the first place… being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is an honor, not something you ask someone when you pity them and want them to feel better about themselves. 

I am of the camp that kicking someone out of a bridal party is a total friendship-ending move.  If you’re okay with this friendship dying, which it seems like you are, then I’d tell her flat out she isn’t supportive, brings you down, and you’d rather she not be a part of your wedding day.  If you want to keep the friendship, then you’re probably stuck.  But personally, I wouldn’t want this kind of friendship around me anyway.

Post # 8
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

If you want her out of your life for good, ask her to step down. Otherwise, you’ll just have to accept this is how she is. Top tip though, from someone who has a bridesmaidzilla of her own… if you do keep her then don’t let her have too much feedback. Don’t try to please her because you never will! I let mine reject sooo many bridesmaid’s dresses, for example, and was tearing my hair out trying to please her. Eventually I gave up and just said “time’s up, this is the one. If you don’t like it, tough.” She was seriously PO’d, but at that point then I no longer cared. It felt amazing… like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

If you keep her, I would suggest that you allow her to reject/be negative about X number of things, and then say “I appreciate your input, but after discussion then I have chosen Y aspect of my wedding. My decision is final. I hope you understand.”

Whatever you choose.. be brave!

Post # 10
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@abbie017:  +1!!!

Post # 11
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you don’t want her in your life it is really simple, even for a nice positive gal like you–you simply tell her that you have made other choices for bridesmaids. If she hangs up on you, bitches you out, hang up on her or just shrug it off. You don’t want the friendship anyway (neither would I–I had a friend like this and slowly cut him out of my life).

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