Post # 1
I have a friend who I know from school days. We weren’t friends at school (she was a mean, sour girl back then and I thought she didn’t like me). However, we reconnected on Facebook and it turns out that her “meanness and sourness” were a result of her being insecure. I got to know her and feel sorry for her because she is always so negative- she puts herself down as being fat, ugly, useless. She is overweight, but she always has a million excuses why she can’t lose weight. She goes on ridiculous crash diets that no one can maintain and then beats herself up when she fails. I am a very positive person and I was doing my best to uplift her and try to make her see her life is not that bad and that she can change things if she wants to. We were close for about a year and during this year I started to realize that she LIKED being miserable and thrived in bringing others down. She got married about two years ago to a man who she often blames for keeping her back. He has two children whose mom passed away and she is always complaining about them, moaning about how they hold her back in different ways as well. She never has anything nice or positive to say. I asked her to be a bridesmaid to try and make her see that she is liked and appreciated and I hoped it would help her to take positive steps in her own self esteem – but then I realised she LIKED being unhappy. The other thing is that she takes some kind of sick joy out of other people’s suffering, including mine. She was always happier when we were miserable together. Over the last year, I have stopped having contact with her after her negativity was one of the things that drove me to a break down. Now, my fiancé and I have finally set a date for our wedding and she has crawled back out of the woodwork and seems to think that, even though we haven’t been close for a year, she is still a bridesmaid. I knowm though, that if I keep her on, she’ll make me miserable and possibly even sabotage the wedding. My fiancé doesn’t even want her to be invited to the wedding, after how she almost drove me completely insane, just because I was trying to help her. What should I do? I don’t want to tell her how I feel because she will just feed on it and use it to feed her sick negativity. But I can’t have her back in my life, she makes me feel so terrible!
Post # 3
i have a friend like this … she saw me i a wedding dress shop and walked in and said hi then went to brides maid dreses and did the hole i wont look good in these and conplained to me …. i have not tould her she is a brides maid and she will not be one… have a chat with your friend and tell her that wedding plans have changed and so have your brides maids due to that … or just distance your self from her you do not need that stress on you day! i no how it feels as i know i will have to have this chat with the girl who thinks she can do the same to me but its not worth them upsetting us over wedding stuff … be strong
Post # 4
Be blunt and let her know, “Look, I asked you to be a bridesmaid thinking you could be a happy supportive person, you’re not. You’re negative and bring others down. I’m sorry but I just can’t have that kind of energy in my life, let alone my wedding.”
Simple, clean. Lets you move on. I’ve had friends that used me for years as a way to pay for events or get them discounts. When I finally realized they don’t give a crap about me, I cut them out of my life. Who needs that? It takes time to grow a backbone of your own to do that, but once you do, oyu will be thankful.
Post # 5
To me, and this is awful and insensitive of me, but I don’t care, if THEY can fall between the cracks and disappear, then reappear, why can’t you? I know you’re planning a wedding, and you’re probably a lot more available, but NO ONE says you have to be.
You shouldn’t officially name anyone a bridesmaid if you don’t want them to be a part of it. And if they sulk, let those b*tches sulk. If they were really cool, decent people, they may get their feelings hurt, but they’d understand it’s YOUR day, and it’s YOUR choice, and they’ll get over it.
Post # 6
OR, you could plan an elaborate fake fight, and run away screaming. 😉 Kidding.
Post # 7
Well, it sounds like you shouldn’t have asked her in the first place… being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is an honor, not something you ask someone when you pity them and want them to feel better about themselves.
I am of the camp that kicking someone out of a bridal party is a total friendship-ending move. If you’re okay with this friendship dying, which it seems like you are, then I’d tell her flat out she isn’t supportive, brings you down, and you’d rather she not be a part of your wedding day. If you want to keep the friendship, then you’re probably stuck. But personally, I wouldn’t want this kind of friendship around me anyway.
Post # 8
If you want her out of your life for good, ask her to step down. Otherwise, you’ll just have to accept this is how she is. Top tip though, from someone who has a bridesmaidzilla of her own… if you do keep her then don’t let her have too much feedback. Don’t try to please her because you never will! I let mine reject sooo many bridesmaid’s dresses, for example, and was tearing my hair out trying to please her. Eventually I gave up and just said “time’s up, this is the one. If you don’t like it, tough.” She was seriously PO’d, but at that point then I no longer cared. It felt amazing… like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
If you keep her, I would suggest that you allow her to reject/be negative about X number of things, and then say “I appreciate your input, but after discussion then I have chosen Y aspect of my wedding. My decision is final. I hope you understand.”
Whatever you choose.. be brave!
Post # 9
Missweatherlove… I seriously considered the fake fight thing!! Lol. Thank you everyone for the advice. I think what I need to do is put my big girl panties on an address the problem. I DON’T want her in my life – which is why I distanced myself from her in the first place, but she doesn’t seem to be getting the hint, so subtlety ain’t gonna work!
Post # 11
If you don’t want her in your life it is really simple, even for a nice positive gal like you–you simply tell her that you have made other choices for bridesmaids. If she hangs up on you, bitches you out, hang up on her or just shrug it off. You don’t want the friendship anyway (neither would I–I had a friend like this and slowly cut him out of my life).
Post # 12
@Sparklebee3: Hahahaha! Good stuff!