Fired as a bridesmaid BUT SHE NEVER TOLD ME

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
14160 posts
Honey Beekeeper

There’s no way I would attend if that’s really what happened. There is no excuse. My guess is she thought you were judging her for her choice in expensive, “couture” dresses. Brides are supposed to consult their parties, something she obviously doesn’t think applies to her. 

Post # 3
1521 posts
Bumble bee

There seems to be a piece of this story missing, specifically the lack of communication or a miscommunication. You clearly had touched base about planning social get togethers between her asking and the wedding invitation. Why didn’t you bring it up at that time?

Sounds like you both avoided talking about it directly or there was a serious miscommunication somewhere. Either way, I would either pointedly attempt to clear the air with her IN PERSON or would drop the friendship since it’s too weird to not communicate about something like this with a so-called friend.

Post # 4
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, Maybe she thought with your divorce, she probably wanted to give you space away from weddings etc….

However a good friend would have spoken to you, or, you know supported you through your divorce. At the very least checked in with you occasionally. 

It seems very odd that you went from officiant to bridesmaid to guest. It seems potentially that she’s changed her idea for a wedding several times too. However again she should have had the decency to talk to you.

also rereading this maybe she took the argument as the time she no longer saw you as a bridesmaid, maybe something was said then, but you were taken aback and apologetic so didn’t see at that moment she had said you weren’t a bridesmaid anymore?

Post # 5
1181 posts
Bumble bee

Wait, wait, I’m confused. She asked you to be a bridesmaid INSTEAD of the officiant or in addition to being the officiant? And why does her sending you a wedding invitation necessarily mean you’re not a bridesmaid? I sent my bridal party invitations.

Nevertheless, it sounds like you did everything you could to salvage the friendship, and she’s being a jerk by ignoring your attempts to reach out. Unless you said more than just the store recommendations? I think you ought to try meeting up with her again and clear the air. 

Post # 6
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

View original reply
unbridesmaid :  Ugh. My best friend actually had this happen to her a few years ago, and it was so childish and petty and frustrating. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. People can get ridiculous around their weddings, there is no excuse to treat a friend like that. If she was upset with you or for any other reason didn’t want you to be in the bridal party anymore, she should have communicated it, simple. You’re feelings are valid, and it’s big of you to still attend the wedding. I would recommend talking to her first before going though. You are a guest to her wedding and supposed to be a dear friend- you shouldn’t have to have all this stress and uncertainty about going to what is supposed to be a fun celebration with people who you care about and are supposed to care about you. ESPECIALLY since you were such an importantly part of their actual ceremony. Hopefully, she’ll apologize and offer some sort of explanation that will put you at ease that attending the wedding won’t be awkward and uncomfortable. If not, well that tells you all you need to know about that friendship. Good luck bee!

Post # 7
2986 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
unbridesmaid :  I’m a bit confused as well. How did you find out you were uninvited as a bridesmaid?


But regardless of that, she doesn’t sound like someone I would ever want to be around. She sounds like she’s spoiled and would make anything into drama. I wouldn’t want to be around that.

Post # 8
4370 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

So I’m assuming that because she never communicated with you about ordering a bridesmaid dress, that is how you “found out” that you were no longer a bridesmaid? Are you still supposed to officiate? 

I would try to go for coffee with her and talk about it one-on-one. Maybe she took something you said the wrong way, maybe there was a missed text message, maybe she assumed you had too much on your plate and made the decision for you. But you’ve been friends for 10 years, you should be able to discuss this without it ending the relationship.

Also, I have to add that she sounds like a really crappy friend since you’re going through a divorce and she just ghosted you for months . I found out who my real friends were when I got divorced… a friend like this would have been left behind. 

Post # 10
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

There has got to be something missing here….

Post # 12
3081 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
unbridesmaid :  Hmmm…

I think it is related to that day she got mad about your suggestions (unless another part of the story is missing here).  Could something you said in that exchange have been taken in the wrong tone/context?

Hard to convey emotion over text, so i am wondering what the message you sent was like? And what she was responding?

In any case, this is super immature and rude. I am a push over and probably would go, but i couldn’t imagine the friendship continuing the same. It would probably fade out, so it is up to you if you want to even attend. 

Post # 13
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Is there ANYWAY something happened that you don’t know about? Is your ex husband friends with her fiance? Maybe he said something about you that upset her? Maybe her kid got upset with your kid, made a big deal and now she’s uncomfortable with you? Do your parents talk to her parents? Maybe something happened there? Did you ever make a comment that made it seem like you don’t support the marriage or ANYTHING she could have taken the wrong way?

People typically don’t just “fire” a bridesmaid unless something very serious happened that hurt the friendship. There must be somethinggggggggg

Post # 14
78 posts
Worker bee

I wouldn’t go to the wedding. I’m so sorry. You sound like an understanding friend and she is just being rude not even giving you any sort of explanation

Post # 15
47423 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t assume anything. Use your words and ask her. Tell her you noticed that you are not listed in the bridal party and ask her if she has cut you without notifying you, and if so, why.

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