- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2019
Good friend of mine…friends for 10 years. Kids are friends, college together, threw her a baby shower etc.
She and her soon to be DH got engaged and asked me to legally marry them in a small ceremony (I am a legal officiant) and of course I was happy to.
Fast forward, real wedding planning begins. She asks me to be a bridesmaid, I enthusiastically said yes! She wasn’t that enthusiastic about it, mentioning something about bridal party balance or something. I was so excited I guess I didn’t think much of it.
we had a few conversations about planning and such. She sent some pics of dresses and such. I just asked that she let me know when we needed to order so that I could budget and such (dresses were a bit pricey. I didn’t complain, just asked for a timeline. I make enough it was fine.)
she had said they had gone to a few boutiques but they couldn’t find many places they liked here (she didn’t like DB, wanted something more couture or something.) I made a few suggestions for places to look since I am a local to the area. She seemed to get irritated with me, thinking I thought she was “an idiot.” I was taken aback at her response, apologized and just told her I was trying to be helpful.
Anyhow, some time went by and I didn’t hear anything. I was going through a divorce but I still was reaching out, I was looking forward to supporting her on her big day.
i tried reaching out multiple times via message, text and phone call. I eventually left her a voicemail asking if I had made her angry, or if she didn’t want me to be part of the wedding or whatever just to let me know. Nothing. We had one half hearted attempt to get together but my kids were sick, and couldn’t make it. No discussion about anything otherwise.
until I got a request for my address for a wedding invitation (I had since moved.) Obviously with the wedding so close she didn’t expect me to be in the bridal party.
i rsvp that I would attend, and really don’t want to be petty or let this ruin our friendship. I am extremely happy for them and want nothing but the best. But at the same time, I feel like it’s EXTREMELY rude and cowardly not to have a conversation with a good friend to tell them something like this!
I have never heard of someone firing a bridesmaid WITHOUT EVER TELLING THEM. And I am unsure how to feel about our friendship or going to the wedding. I really am not someone who is into drama or would not be the kind of person who wouldn’t be extremely understanding about things.
I have considered that maybe she was worried that I couldn’t afford it, or had too much going on in my life. Or, maybe she just got really irritated not understanding my intentions when I was trying to be helpful. Either way, I feel like a conversation would be in order.
I have agonized over this with my social anxiety for quite sometime now, and would appreciate the input of a community of brides who understands all the nuances and delicacies of a situation such as this. Thank you bees!