(Closed) Fired for getting married?!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This doesn’t really add up, OP. I think we’d love to help, but you’re not giving us much to work with. Do you work at a place with high-demand periods? Are there days that are specifically prohibited?

Post # 32
5083 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m confused, but it sounds like you requested 5 days off during a blackout period and you were denied. If you take the time off anyway, you’re at risk of being terminated. That is not getting fired for getting married, that is getting fired for not showing up during a blackout period. You don’t NEED 5 days off to get married, they are not preventing you from getting married, they just don’t want to give the time off during that week.

Post # 33
1093 posts
Bumble bee

OP – we really need more info if you want us to provide helpful suggestions.  I’m inhouse employment counsel for my company.  Does your company have an HR department, Employee Handbook, vacation/sick/time off policy, etc.?  

Post # 35
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

“Can we at least agree how out of the ordinary it is for a supervisor to pressure an employee to change their wedding date etc. despite losing deposit money?”

Nope, at least I can not agree to that.   It seems to me that they regard your wedding as vacation time, and you regard it as par with medical or emergency leave.  It would be unuusal to put down a deposit without clearing vacation first, in my book. 

I get it, you dont like the job.  So quit. 

Post # 36
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

No one threatened to fire you because you are getting married. That’s ridiculous. You asked for an entire week off to prepare for your DIY wedding (well, actually, given your update, it now sounds like you want the time to hang out at this farmhouse with guests arreiving from Europe, but whatever, it doesn’t matter), and they told you no and you don’t like it. I would imagine termination came up because you insisted on those dates and they told you what would happen if you insisted on taking days off that they couldn’t approve. Also, you mention this happened “early in the worker/supervisor relationship” … well, “early in the worker/supervisor relationship” isn’t the best time to be demanding an entire week off at a certain time of year, wedding or not. Oh, and I’m still wondering if it is only the five days that you would be taking–are you taking time off after the wedding for a honeymoon or anything? Because if so, you’ve asked for even more than five days off. 

Think about what is most important to you, and act accordingly. If you think they are such jerks at that job, then quit — and your problem is solved. But I will assure you that people plan weddings around work requirements all the time. 

Post # 37
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think hearing the word “termination” would be scary and feel unfair.  I think maybe it shook you up quite a bit, so I can understand why you feel like they overreacted.

It sounds like, and I could be wrong, that you want to just have some time “off” as well as use your vacation time?  So maybe you want the week off before the wedding as well as to use vacation time for the wedding/honeymoon?

If that’s the case, well, I still think it sounds like a bummer that they won’t let you have the extra time off, but if you’re using up your vacation time, they aren’t exactly obligated to just give you personal time for several days, too.

I do admit, I think I would have just double checked and and asked them upfront if I could have X amount of time off and given them a couple options for timing and then made my deposits instead of just walking in and expecting them to be okay with being told what you were expecting.

Sounds like you’re not happy there anyway.  How about work hard and keep up your good effort and quit/find a new job before your wedding?

Post # 38
1299 posts
Bumble bee

OP – taking leave is much different than taking five days off to craft things for your wedding. You seem really bitter about your supervisor taking off for her pregnancy, but if you work somewhere that qualifies for FMLA, she is entitled to 12 weeks leave. You are not entitled to anything for your wedding “week.”

And PS – this is on you for booking a date without checking your work schedule first. 

Post # 39
3196 posts
Sugar bee

I am still confused. 

The way I understood your posts-

You were told that your employers could grant days off for personal reasons, with prior coordination, compelling reasons, and agreement from both parties. You then took this as they would grant you days off for your wedding preparation.

I get that you’ve planned for mostly DIY wedding, but if you are going to lose your job because you took days off, effectively MIA, to do it…maybe you should make other plans or just put in your two weeks notice beforehand. Or, you could take your leave days if you have enough.


IMO, personal and medical reasons are unscheduled, unplanned events that necessitate you being away from work for periods of time to ensure you and your family are cared for properly. That doesn’t include weddings that are planned a year in advance…you could have saved your leave or planned further in advance to employ a coordinator or decorator for what you’re planning to DIY. 

Post # 40
85 posts
Worker bee

OP, what exactly do you do? No need for company name, just idea of what field you are in.  

Post # 43
2887 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

OP, correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you are a new employee at this company.  If that is the case, it is perfectly acceptable for them to grant you time off around other employees already scheduled vacations/time off.  That’s unfortunately what happens when you are the low man on the totem pole.  In other words, if there are employees that have been there longer than you and have already made their vacation requests (many times up to a year in advance) then you are hired and you want the same days off, they can say no because then there would be too many people off.  Companies have to legally give you vacation time but it is up to their discretion on when you can actually take it sometimes.

I know others have mentioned black out days but I’ll just put my $0.02 in as well.  At my old company (engineering firm) we technically didn’t have any black out dates where people could not take vacation.  However, when my firm was bought out by another firm, they decided to upgrade their entire software system, so they blacked out some dates for this summer for training on the new system.  The only people that were allowed time off were those that would have already been on leave, or if they had plane tickets already in their hands.  One guy had to move his wedding date because of this newly issued black out.  Fortunately, because it was like a year in advance, he did not lose any money on the vendors because he rescheduled instead of cancelling.

It also sounds like you have a lot of bitterness toward your supervisor because she took extra time off for maternity leave.  It also sounds like you cannot understand the differences between something like a paid maternity or medical leave, which is covered under federal law, and time off for a wedding.  To me it almost sounds like you were asking for unpaid days off, and if that were the case, your supervisor could threaten you with termination.

I think all you can do at this point is decide whether or not the job is worth it.  I would try talking to your supervisor again.  It doesn’t sound like from your vague posts that they are doing anything illegal.

Edit – I posted as the same time as your update.  If you are in fact trying to use personal days and your supervisor is being a jerk, can you go above her?  We’ve all asked if there is an HR department you can talk to; if there is, that would be my next step.

Post # 44
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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Your company may require you to use up vacation days before personal days for something like that…that is also very common.

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