- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Ok, first let me clarify: I haven’t really “fired” a bridesmaid. More like discussed her resignation. I’m just not really sure where to go from here, and helpful thoughts would be appreciated (please keep any unchecked negativity/judgement to yourself… it’s not helpful and this situation is already happening!)
So, I asked 7 ladies to be my bridesmaids. One of them, “Amy,” is a friend I’ve known for years (though I am not as close to her as some of the other bridesmaids, but would still consider her a good long-time friend. She doesn’t really know the other bridesmaids, only met each of them casually over the years.) Amy has never been a bridesmaid before… actually, she’s never participated in any part of the wedding-planning process before. For this reason, I tried to be pretty up-front about the realities of being my bridesmaid when I asked her, and she still accepted.
A few months later, the planning is picking up speed. We’ve finalized our choice of a destination wedding to Hawaii and the venue (which everyone we are inviting has expressed much excitement about, Amy included.) Amy suddenly goes through a series of personal crises (she found out her hostess job is not going to lead to a server position as quickly as she hoped… she was dumped by her SO of 6 months, who she lived with… ex-SO kicked her out, forcing Amy to move in to another friend’s guest room and scramble to find a new place to live.) It’s all a huge blow to Amy and she is rightfully devastated, and I am more worried about her than anything. Being a bridesmaid is the last thing on her mind, and I don’t blame her. Mostly I’m just trying to be a good friend and do all I can to be there for her… I spend 2 full days helping her move all of her stuff out of ex-SO’s apartment, take her out for many lunches, talk to her on the phone daily.
So, a few weeks ago, we were at lunch and she was talking about how difficult it’s been to find an apartment on her own. There’s the deposit and the first and last month’s rent, and she isn’t making enough as a hostess. After commiserating for awhile, I gently (and cautiously) bring up the subject of bridesmaid-ship. I say, “so… I know this is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but I completely understand if being a bridesmaid is more of a burden than you want to deal with. The most important thing to me is that you’ll be able to attend and celebrate on the wedding day.” Keeping in mind that we’re having a DW and just attending is a big expense in itself. Amy kind of sighs (possibly in relief?) and responds, “Yeah.. I don’t know. I just have so much other stuff to deal with first. Can I let you know later?”
At the time, I was already nervous about having this conversation so I said, “yes, of course,” and the conversation immediately moved on to other things. Since then, I’m still seeing Amy pretty regularly and talking to her often. She’s found a place to live and is feeling much more positive, which I’m happy about. But I can’t help but notice… she hasn’t said anything about being a bridesmaid. She hasn’t asked about the wedding at all, actually. And I must admit, I’ve moved forward with picking the bridesmaid dress and telling the other 6 bridesmaids to order whenever they’re ready (which Amy isn’t aware of.) I feel weird going along as if she isn’t a bridesmaid, thinking maybe this hasn’t been definitively decided yet? Or maybe it has been decided and I need to let go of my need for a definitive answer? I also feel weird bringing up the “are you a bridesmaid or not?” discussion AGAIN, but should I just suck it up?