(Closed) Asking a bridesmaid step down…still invite?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I still invite her to the wedding?
    Yes : (10 votes)
    63 %
    No : (3 votes)
    19 %
    Maybe, depending on the response : (3 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I didn’t vote; although I don’t think you should un-invite her.  I also don’t think you should “fire” her.

    You of course should let her know that her comments were hurtful to you, but that’s it.  I don’t know why you would commit a potentially friendship ending move over a few text messages.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Can’t you just talk to her about it?

    Post # 5
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I “fired” a Bridesmaid or Best Man but sent her an invite. She didn’t come though!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I didn’t see the issue until I read what her texts actually said.

    Thats harsh, but is it fitting with her personality? Is she controlling/judgemental normally? If not, ask her what it is about your wedding that makes her say these kinds of things to you and explain that she can do whatever she wants on her day, but this is yours. You don’t need anyone to “reprimand,” you, she is supossed to be there to help and support you. I think a real heart to heart needs to be had before you do anything drastic.

    If you do decide to fire her, definitely still invite her.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Also, I really have a problem with the term “fire” for a bridesmaid.  They aren’t hired help, they’re your best friends.  I have a problem with the whole idea of removing someone from a bridal party, but the term ‘fire’ is especially harsh.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @futuremrsfitz18:  You of course should let her know that her comments were hurtful to you, but that’s it.  I don’t know why you would commit a potentially friendship ending move over a few text messages.


    This!  This seems like a really silly thing to “fire” a bridesmaid over!  It’s YOUR wedding, she is entitled to her opinion, but in the end, the decisions are yours.  Like Dr. Phil says, just tell her, “Thank you for your opinion.  I promise to weigh it carefully.”  

    Also, if you WERE doing the whole not-seeing-each-other-before-the-ceremony thing, I am pretty sure you would be able to sign the marriage certificate seperately or even after the ceremony.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @aznmouse:  Before you “fire” her, do you think you can talk to her in person about it?  If I am reading correctly, this conversation took place mostly via text message.  It sounds like more of a cultural misunderstanding than anything.  Unfortunately, it is really easy for things to be miscommunicated via text.  For example, is there anyway she was trying to be cheeky when she said, just doing my duty because someone’s got to reprimand you?”  It can be difficult to determine tone via text.

    I completely understand why you are upset, but if she was close enough of a friend to make a bridesmaid, maybe she is worth having a face-to-face conversation about your feelings?

    Post # 11
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @aznmouse:  I’m asking though, can’t you just call her or something? Why through text and email? It’s your wedding do what you want, but I just can’t imagine letting something like this fester without speaking either in person or on the phone. She was close enough that you asked her to be a bridesmaid, but you can’t talk directly? I feel like I’m missing something.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Personally, if I got an invitation to a wedding after having been kicked out of the bridal party, I would take the invitation to the post office and “Return to Sender.”

    Post # 14
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @KatyElle:  I agree with this. When i was in this situation I was very up front and spoke with my bridesmaid about it. I found out she was telling horrible lies about Darling Husband and I and when I confronted her she didn’t deny it.

    I never regretted not having her in our wedding and months later we spoke again and I admitted that i was still really mad at her for a long time about what she said but that I was forgiving her and letting it go.

    i was spending too much time and energy being mad at her.

    communicaton is key!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @aznmouse:  Well, I just reacted to the information you provided in the original post.  Has she always been judgemental, and if so, why include her as a bridesmaid at all?  If not, have you talked about it?  Not in text or emails, but actually face to face?  The more I re-read it, the more I think she was a) Joking and b) Trying to prepare you for potentially conservative judgements from older friends and relatives.

    And I’m not saying you throw friendships away left and right; I’m just trying to prepare you for what could happen in this situation with this particular relationship.

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