Post # 1
Weddingbee, I am in desperate need of your help. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my best friend that I’ve known for several years now who I adore. One of my bridesmaids strongly dislikes my Maid/Matron of Honor. However, my bridesmaid has always tried to be cordial, polite, and welcoming to my Maid/Matron of Honor despite her personal feelings. My bridesmaid is someone who I have become extremely close to and really love and respect. Recently my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid got into an argument (which I witnessed) and my Maid/Matron of Honor used a racial slur to insult my bridesmaid. Understandably, my bridesmaid told me that she would only want to be a guest at the wedding because she doesn’t feel like she can work closely with and spend so much time with my Maid/Matron of Honor. Personally I think that it’s totally unfair that my bridesmaid feels like she can’t be in the bridal party when she didn’t do anything wrong. I also kind of feel like my Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t be making any of my bridesmaids feel that way. My Maid/Matron of Honor apologized to my bridesmaid via text and said she “was joking around” but I feel like it’s a very insincere apology and she doesn’t understand how unacceptable her comments were. I’m taken aback that my Maid/Matron of Honor would say something like that in the first place- it just seems so out of character for her. I am considering asking my Maid/Matron of Honor to step down and just be a guest a the wedding instead. I’m just not sure how to handle all of it and I’m looking for feedback. What do you all think?
Post # 2
You’re only as good as the company you keep. And your Maid/Matron of Honor is clearly a racist. You should think about that. Joking around with hate speech is unacceptable behavior. If she’s like that people may begin to think you are like that.
Post # 3
I’m sorry but anyone who thinks racial slurs are ok would no longer be my friend much less my maid of honor
Post # 4
I second what SoniaRen2 said. You Maid/Matron of Honor may think she was joking around, but the fact is that racial slurs are never acceptable, regardless of the context. The last thing you want is for people to think is that her behavior is a reflection of your beliefs. I would ask her to step down.
Post # 5
agree with PP, racist slurs are not a thing I can tolerate. If I love someone enough to bring them into my personal life, they can’t bring garbage like that with them.
I’ve had to get rid of a few friends over the Obama years, and it’s only gotten worse now. Thanks for showing me who you are, bye Felicia.
Post # 7
“Firing” (they’re not employees so you can’t really fire) a bridesmaid is a friendship ending mood.
This is one of those times when you should indeed end the friendship.
Post # 8
Racial slurs are never jokes. Your MOH’s behaviour is completely unacceptable.
Post # 9
I think the real question is how would you deal with this if the wedding wasn’t a factor. Imagine this friend said this thing to your other friend and insulted her. Your other friend is now saying she does not want to spend any time with you when your best friend is around.
Would this cause you to want to no longer be best friends? Would you talk to her, explain that racial slurs are never ok and that her apology needs to be sincere and the friend needs to feel better about being around the best friend? If best friend continues to laugh it off and not take the apology seriously, would you no longer spend time with her?
Take the wedding out of it and figure out how you will approach this as a friend. If you still want to be her friend (either because she actually sincerely apologized or because you can look past it and don’t care that she’s laughed it off), then she should stay in the wedding party. If you no longer want to be her friend (or mybe just more of a distant friend), explain to her why and ask her to step down from the wedding party.
Post # 10
I agree with everyone here. Racial slurs are WAY out of the scope of what I think is acceptable, and I wouldn’t want someone in my wedding who was sligning them around. Even if they say they were joking, to me this is not something you joke about anyway. I’d be firing the Maid/Matron of Honor yesterday.
Post # 11
Your Maid/Matron of Honor is 1000% in the wrong and I can’t imagine her being all that surprised when you ask her to attend your wedding as a guest.
Sidenote: what an upsetting thing to discover about someone you consider to be your best friend. 🙁
Post # 12
If this happened to me I think I would ask Maid/Matron of Honor to not even attend as a guest either. She likely will break her friendship with you. just be ready for that. But I would totally get rid of her.
Post # 14
Yeah, I’m extremely heartbroken about it. I don’t know how I never knew that about her.
Post # 15
tell your Maid/Matron of Honor that what she said has made you SEVERELY uncomfortable and that it was completely unacceptable. What she said has made you seriously question your friendship and that not only do you feel uncomfortable having her stand next to you on your wedding day, but the other Bridesmaid or Best Man would rather step down. Let her know that her half assed apology wasn’t cool either and she can either be a guest or not come at all. You don’t need that kinda hate in your life, life’s too short.