(Closed) Firing my MOH?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3233 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You’re only as good as the company you keep. And your Maid/Matron of Honor is clearly a racist. You should think about that. Joking around with hate speech is unacceptable behavior. If she’s like that people may begin to think you are like that.

Post # 3
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry but anyone who thinks racial slurs are ok would no longer be my friend much less my maid of honor

Post # 4
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I second what SoniaRen2 said. You Maid/Matron of Honor may think she was joking around, but the fact is that racial slurs are never acceptable, regardless of the context. The last thing you want is for people to think is that her behavior is a reflection of your beliefs. I would ask her to step down.  

Post # 5
Member
11375 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
seachelle :  agree with PP, racist slurs are not a thing I can tolerate. If I love someone enough to bring them into my personal life, they can’t bring garbage like that with them.

I’ve had to get rid of a few friends over the Obama years, and it’s only gotten worse now. Thanks for showing me who you are, bye Felicia. 

Post # 7
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

“Firing” (they’re not employees so you can’t really fire) a bridesmaid is a friendship ending mood. 

This is one of those times when you should indeed end the friendship. 

Post # 8
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 1984

Racial slurs are never jokes. Your MOH’s behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Post # 9
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think the real question is how would you deal with this if the wedding wasn’t a factor. Imagine this friend said this thing to your other friend and insulted her. Your other friend is now saying she does not want to spend any time with you when your best friend is around. 

Would this cause you to want to no longer be best friends? Would you talk to her, explain that racial slurs are never ok and that her apology needs to be sincere and the friend needs to feel better about being around the best friend? If best friend continues to laugh it off and not take the apology seriously, would you no longer spend time with her? 

Take the wedding out of it and figure out how you will approach this as a friend. If you still want to be her friend (either because she actually sincerely apologized or because you can look past it and don’t care that she’s laughed it off), then she should stay in the wedding party. If you no longer want to be her friend (or mybe just more of a distant friend), explain to her why and ask her to step down from the wedding party. 

Post # 10
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I agree with everyone here. Racial slurs are WAY out of the scope of what I think is acceptable, and I wouldn’t want someone in my wedding who was sligning them around.  Even if they say they were joking, to me this is not something you joke about anyway. I’d be firing the Maid/Matron of Honor yesterday. 

Post # 11
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee

Your Maid/Matron of Honor is 1000% in the wrong and I can’t imagine her being all that surprised when you ask her to attend your wedding as a guest. 

Sidenote: what an upsetting thing to discover about someone you consider to be your best friend. 🙁

Post # 12
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

If this happened to me I think I would ask Maid/Matron of Honor to not even attend as a guest either. She likely will break her friendship with you. just be ready for that. But I would totally get rid of her. 

Post # 15
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

tell your Maid/Matron of Honor that what she said has made you SEVERELY uncomfortable and that it was completely unacceptable. What she said has made you seriously question your friendship and that not only do you feel uncomfortable having her stand next to you on your wedding day, but the other Bridesmaid or Best Man would rather step down. Let her know that her half assed apology wasn’t cool either and she can either be a guest or not come at all. You don’t need that kinda hate in your life, life’s too short.

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