(Closed) First "added" guest on an RSVP card…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsBeck:  I totally get where you’re coming from, but how old is the child?

Post # 5
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I did my rsvps the exact same way and I was shocked that the only edits I got were removing people and writing in 1 instead of two. That’s just classless IMO. And it doesn’t matter how old the child is. If the parent feels they need to come, for whatever reason, they should ask, not assume! 

Post # 6
Member
4914 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

That would drive me bananas. A two year old is definitely old enough to be left with a babysitter. They’ll probably be asleep the whole time mom and dad are gone anyway.

Post # 7
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That’s a pretty bold move on their part. You definitely made it super clear who exactly was invited. I would talk to them asap and say “I saw you added (child) to the RSVP card. I’m sorry but we are not having children at our wedding. I hope you are still able to come celebrate with us!” or something like that.

Post # 8
Member
11367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

The fact that you used both inner and outer envelopes and addressed them to Mr. and Mrs. ___________ should have given these guests all of the guidance they needed.  However, it is perfectly fine for you to pick up the phone and call them and have a polite conversation clarifying the situation.

For example: “FI and I were so excited to see your reply, and we’re so happy that you will be able to share our day with us.  However, we noticed that you added  __________’s name to the card. 

I’m very sorry to have to clarify this, but, the invitation was just  for the two of you. I’m afraid we won’t be able to accommodate any additionaal guests. I do hope you are still able to come.”

 

Post # 9
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

we had this problem too. we made it very clear about who was/wasn’t invited. it was on the envelopes, rsvp cards, reception cards and on our website. people still tried to bring their kids or extra guests. one person wrote on the rsvp card, “i’m going to need 5 seats so i can bring my kids.” uh, no. if we wanted to give you 5 seats, we would have. you get 2 seats. end of story. we cleared up any confusion and the couple said they’d still attend. wedding day comes and they don’t show. this happened with a few of our guests. i don’t know what’s going thru people’s heads sometimes, haha.

Post # 11
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsBeck:  oh man. that sucks 🙁

Post # 12
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsBeck:  I think it’s better that you’re not that close to them. That way, if you call and say, “we’re glad you can come, but we’re not having childen at our wedding!” and they get all upset, well, it’s not like you’ve lost a close friend 🙂 Stick to your guns. Allowing them to bring their kid will just upset everyone else.

Random wedding story: I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a college friend last summer. Her Brother-In-Law and SIL brought their daughter (flower girl, ~5 years) and son (~18 months). They left for 1/2 the reception (cocktail hour and most of dinner) because the son “needed to nap in peace and can’t have his schedule disturbed”. Then got upset when there wasn’t any food because they came back after it was gone. The groom even offered to find a babysitter and pay for it beforehand, when this came up, but the SIL threw a fit about that.

Post # 13
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Definitly nip this one in the bud. Are you having any other children at your wedding (exluding flower girls/page boys)? If not then this gives you a great excuse not to let them bring their child – a simple email/phone call shoud sort this out easily. If they kick up a fuss then just explain you *clearly* stated on the invitation it was adults only. If you are having other children just explain that you are already at maximum capacity and there’s nothing you can do about it. No need to explain further.

People like this rely on your being too embarassed to call them on behaviour like this so you’ve got to make a stand! If they don’t end up coming then at least you can ask along two other guests who’ll appreciate the invitation! 

Post # 14
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I had the same problem (rsvp came in about 10 mins ago), the couple added their 13 year old son to the rsvp. Really don’t know what to do about it!!!

That said, my uncle received an invite for <name> & guest (he’s travelling from another country). When he was on the phone with my mum he mentioned that he and his 3 kids, who are all over 40 so no babysitter issues there, were looking at logistics. Uhm, NO! Invite is for 2 people, for him and someone to accompany him on the travel as he’s 75. Thankfully my mum put an end to that swiftly. 

Post # 16
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

That would drive me crazy! I’m trying to keep this from happening with every fiber of my being lol ..outer and inner envelope will have the people who are invited plus I will be stating how many seats are reserved for them and the only thing they have to do is write the name of the people coming.. I’m hoping I don’t have a socially inept guest who decides to change the rsvp on there own.. :/ If I were you I would do like pp’s said and call asap and let them know only the two of them were invited (in a nice way of course) 🙂

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