(Closed) First anniversary fail

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Nona99:  I don’t know if it helped OP, but *I’m* snortcrysoblaughing at my desk like a lunatic.

Post # 18
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@badabing88:  …opnce again, Mr. 99’s loss is everyone else’s gain…i HATED him for that mistake, and he pays dearly for it on an annual basis now.

Post # 19
Member
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

One of my friends has a great story. After waiting 9 YEARS to get married, on their first anniversary, her husband surprised her with plans for the day:

Hanging the curtains.

Awesome surprise, right?

But apparently he heard her say “Hmm. We need to hang those drapes.” And he heard “I would be happy if we hung those drapes. Let’s do that for our anniversary.”

Some men are action-based like that!

Post # 20
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Nona99:  Well, it was beautiful, and I appreciate you putting it into text for the world to learn from.

That and Stigmata Ham. Just glorious.

Post # 21
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Ms. Kitty:  *hugs*  I’d be upset if I didn’t get anything but I think your Darling Husband should get a free pass on this.  You just moved into your “forever home” and that’s a big deal!  Cheer up!

My own husband isn’t big on gifts either.  So, when our anniversary comes up in a few weeks, I might be in the same boat but that’s ok.  He has 50+ years of anniversaries to make up for it.  lol

 

Post # 22
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Ms. Kitty:  I hope he at least got you a card!!!!

Post # 23
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Our first anni was kind of a fail too with gifts,…even our plans didn’t work out. My suggestion is that you communicate about your feelings and move forward. The way I see it, we are rookies at this whole thing and will get better at in in time! 

Post # 24
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My husband forgot our first dating anniversary and I didn’t say anything for six months, it kept brewing inside until I called him out on it and he hasn’t forgotten a day since.

hes your husband, don’t be shy. Be blunt, you want him to recognize the day and that’s that. He shouldn’t have a problem with it

Post # 25
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Ms. Kitty:  you should read the 5 love languages. maybe because gifts aren’t that important to him, he doesn’t realize how much it hurts you. Everyone reacts differently in certain situations; however, knowing how your SO is can help your relationship! For example, I’m not too lovey-dovey/touchy-feely in relationships, but my fiance “needs” that according to his personality. So I show him a lot more affection because that’s the satisfaction he needs. There’s more to it, but consider checking it out. My fiancé and I read it together. Good luck 🙂

 

Post # 26
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Annnnnd I didn’t see all the other 5 Love languages comments. Lol oops 🙂

Post # 28
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I absolutely feel your pain! My Husband is the same way typically. I didn’t receive anything this year for my birthday after I told him how important it was to me. I don’t even expect an expensive gift or anything fancy. I just wanted him to simply acknowledge my special day. Birthdays and Anniversaries have always been a pretty big deal to me and I really want him to feel the same way. I especially get upset when I put so much thought and money into getting him something nice for his birthday or our anniversary. Have you tried showering him with gifts or love letters on an ordinary non-special day? It seems like when I do something sweet out of the blue then typically he does something sweet for me right back. When it comes to birthdays and anniversaries a certain level of planning is needed unfortunately and a lot of guys aren’t good at that. If you can accept not being surprised then perhaps you can go shopping with your Husband and pick out a gift together or specifically give him a list of things that you would like? My Husband and I share a bank account and his usual excuse is that he didn’t think we had the money. Still, money isn’t a valid excuse when you can just get a card, write a letter, or make something.

Post # 29
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I absolutely feel your pain! My Husband is the same way typically. I ordered my own gift from him online (concert tickets) for our 1 year anniversary last year. I didn’t receive anything this year for my birthday after I told him how important it was to me. I don’t even expect an expensive gift or anything fancy. I just wanted him to simply acknowledge my special day. Birthdays and Anniversaries have always been a pretty big deal to me and I really want him to feel the same way. I especially get upset when I put so much thought and money into getting him something nice for his birthday or our anniversary. Have you tried showering him with gifts or love letters on an ordinary non-special day? It seems like when I do something sweet out of the blue then typically he does something sweet for me right back. When it comes to birthdays and anniversaries a certain level of planning is needed unfortunately and a lot of guys aren’t good at that. If you can accept not being surprised then perhaps you can go shopping with your Husband and pick out a gift together or specifically give him a list of things that you would like? My Husband and I share a bank account and his usual excuse is that he didn’t think we had the money. Still, money isn’t a valid excuse when you can just get a card, write a letter, or make something.

Post # 31
Member
6117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ms. Kitty:  This is what we do.  We DISCUSS before hand for all situations, like “OK, are we doing first anniversary presents this year?” or “Are we doing christmas/Valentine’s presents this year?”  Then my H even says, “Now you’re sure we’re not doing anything; you’re not going to surprise me with something and then I feel like a schmuck?” 

 

This way our expectations are laid out, agreed upon and known.  It may not be the most romantic method, but you know what it’s a lot easier to deal with than unmet expectations.  We do this for every occasion, going on 5 years now.

 

Most of the time we just buy a joint anniversary gift and go on a vacation.  Ours was a grill.  Joint money used to buy a joint gift.  Christmas was a new deck.  We only did invidiudual gifts a few times.  We prefer “travel experiences” more.

 

So, you’re letting him know that you’re disappointed.  But I think you really need to be more direct saying, “This year, I’d like to exchange gifts for our anniversary.  Are you OK with that?”  Say it like 2-3 weeks before whatever occasion is coming.  Then he knows front and center.  If you both agreed upon it, expectations are known, AND THEN HE FAILS – then you can be really upset.

 

I highly recommend trying it this way instead of talking about disappointment afterwards.

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