(Closed) First anniversary fail

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be sad too and dissapointed. However, in what other ways is he a great guy? My husband is not as romantic as I’d like. He rarely gets me flowers or surprises me and such. I used to want him to surprise me for anniversaries or birthdays but realized it was no use. On the other hand, he is the sweetest guy I could have asked for. He’s always willing to do things for me, listen when I need to vent, run to the store when I’m craving something or need a last minute item, always makes me feel loved and special, etc. I try to think of these things when I’m feeling unfulfilled for birthdays and anniversaries. I’ve learned to love him for what he is and then decided that I will do more of the planning and he’ll just have to do more of the paying! And the other bees on here have some great advice on how to approach it as well.

Post # 33
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If that is how it is going to be, then stop getting him gifts, as well. Shoot, get yourself what you would want instead! I think every guy falls short somewhere, no one is perfect. This way, you will enjoy those occasions and always get what you want. I don’t know if you can improve this issue. 

Post # 34
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You have every right to be upset.  Not making any gesture towards you on your first anniversary is lousy unthinking behavior. 

There might be hope in the future.  When I first started dating my husband he was pretty bad about gifts (but also money was much tighter our first year together so it wasn’t easy for him).  Like for christmas one year he ran out and bought some $15 bookends for me, at a store 10 min down the road, on Christmas Eve right before we were leaving for the family christmas celebration. (I didn’t care about the cost, but I just thought really you couldn’t even bother to do anything until 20 min. before the christmas party?) Sigh. I wasn’t sure if he would ever be a guy to go out of his way for me on birthdays/anniversaries/xmas. 

Well, improve he most certainly did.  He discovered how much I liked a certain type of jewelry, from a particular set of designers.  He actually took an interest in it himself.  He learned a lot about it and for every birthday/christmas for the past 3 years he has gotten me some of the most beautiful pieces of jewelry, stuff I never dreamed I would own.  The only downside is he gets too excited about what he’s found so I end up getting the present weeks early – but with how impatient I can be that’s not such a bad thing. 

I would have never thought he would have evolved from how he was our first year to what he’s like now.  The big difference was he really learned what i loved and liked, took a realy interest in it, and once that happened his gifts have been awesome/thoughtful ever since.

He’s also said it really gives him a great feeling to know he made me happy.  With shock in his voice he admitted “it felt even better than getting a gift that I really like for myself.”  LOL.  It’s amazing how long it can take guys to realize things that women almost take as common sense.  Yes, it is better to give than recieve – just like the old cliche says!

I will admit I never complained to my husband that first year.  He managed to improve all on his own.  But had it gone on for more than the first year, I would have most definitely said something. 

Post # 35
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My wonderful husby has always sucked at being ready with gifts for known gift giving occasions such as birthdays and Christmas.  It was hard on me at first, I am a very thoughtful gift giver and I like wrapping presents etc.  I always have something cool for him….. then I finally woke up and realized that he needs to be told exactly what to do and then he will pretty much do it.   So this might mean saying ( with plenty of advance notice) ” I want to go here for my birthday” and if necessary keep pushing that until its booked.  Or like once I found some things at a store that I wanted,we went there and I showed him the things I wanted, and he picked a few from the group and bought them then and there.   Or like sending him an email with links to things I want.  Basically the concept of spelling it out in a way that does not leave room for error or confusion, and sort of handling the hard part for him ( picking out something i would like) so then all he has to do is pay. 

 

so, not the most romantic,but at least I am setting him up to succeed, and getting what I want. i have come to accept this “gift cluelessness” as one of his few flaws.  This is far far more enjoyable than feeling despondent that he didn’t get me a present, again.  

 

Post # 36
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My husband’s moother ruined holidays and gifts for him by giving very selfishly. Gifts do not even register on his radar. It is extremely frustrating to me as gifts are my love language. His is acts of service, and if I am not totally on top of these acts, he gets upset. I am still wrking on this with him (this is why I have not updated my thread).  Men should make just as much of an effort as we do, argh!

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