(Closed) First cold feet feeling 7 weeks out?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

have you talked to him about it? I feel like sometimes I let little things build and if I just talk to him its so much easier. Like yesterday he didn’t ask me how my day was when he got home from work. Which by the time I was laying awake and unable to sleep at 12am turned into “he doesn’t care about me at all he doesn’t care how my day went he’s not interested in my life etc etc etc” (ever notice things seem like a big deal in the middle of the night?). I woke him up and it took less than 5 minutes talking for me to feel soo much better. I think sometimes stress builds and we get scared and then little things seem bigger than they are. 

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

When Fiance gets cranky now I look at him and think “Really? Are you ever going to grow out of this or do I just have to deal with this forever?!”. LOL! I don’t think it’s necessarily cold feet, it’s just more of an awareness of the forever-factor. I think everything right now is really amplified too. Try not to stress too much. We all have our quirks right? Plus the good times outweigh the bad 100000000000 to 1 right?! Just think about why you’re marrying him.

Fiance was being a class A jerk yesterday (on his birthday!), so when he went out for a couple hours I wrote him a really lovely birthday letter to think of all the reasons why I love him rather than sitting and stewing. Then when he came in I gave him the letter before he thought of being grumpy again and he was a much happier camper.

 

Post # 5
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My husband doesn’t pick up his clothes, snores like a lumber jack, leaves the seat up all the time, leaves wet wash clothes in the tub after his shower, and soaks the bathroom sink and never rinses it out. He also doesn’t like to talk on the phone to anyone except me or his parents, so I do all of the customer service type stuff no matter what.

They are minor things in the grand scheme of things, but annoying when you deal with it day in and day out. I never second guessed marrying him, but I definitely wondered if I could live with that every day for years and years, especially when we have kids to look after some day.

Are the things you are thinking about more serious relationship issues, or little personality traits that bother you?

Post # 6
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

I had that same feeling once we moved in together. We were at each others throats and nit picking everything the other did. I finally just told him that I thought subconsciously we were both scared shitless and trying to find reasons why it might not work. He agreed and it got better from there. Talk to him about it because chances are he might feel the same way. Also, pick your battles and don’t nit pick, I had to look at the overall picture and realize that the things that were raising red flags were far less than the things that made me love him to begin with. You’re not crazy, your life is just changing in a BIG way and it’s normal to freak out!!

Post # 8
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

My husband and I will fight over the shavings in the sink until the day we die.  But it doesn’t mean I love him any less.  Don’t worry, you’re not alone in being annoyed by that stuff : )

Post # 9
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i just started feeling like this last week– i’m getting married in a week and a half– and i have been second guessing everything b/c i have gotten annoyed about the smallest most unimportant things. but this thread definitely made me feel better too. i have never felt this way about our relationship before, and i think (or at least i hope!) that it is all just wedding-induced craziness.

Post # 10
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I feel like the “forever factor” is HUGE during engagement. When you’re dating you tend to not care about stuff because whatever he’s just your boyfriend. And when you’re married you know you’re stuck together for life so you make it work! lol. But when you’re engaged its like omg right now I am signing on 100% for all of this crazy? πŸ™‚ (But he’s signing on for all of your crazy too!)

I really feel like if you have the same basic goals, if you really respect each other and want to make each other happy, if you have good communication, and of course, if you love each other– nothing else matters that much.

Post # 11
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Talk to your fi about what things are bothering you and see if he has any ideas on what to do.

We got a corner shower caddy with extra room and hooks, so Darling Husband now puts his washclothes there, so I’m not stepping on wet, cold ones when I get in the shower. We also put a hamper in the bathroom and a laundry basket in the bedroom so it’s easier for Darling Husband to get his clothes off the floor. In the livingroom either I pick up after him (it’s not that bad…) or I ask him to do it while I’m doing some other chore, so it’s more like compromising than nagging.

There might be little things that you or he can do that will help make it easier on both of you.

Post # 12
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I actually had these feelings 2 weeks before the wedding, uhh not great timing. Turns out my then fiance was feeling the same way. We were both scared, it was a big step! We dug deep and had a really open conversation, laid everything on the table that was holding us back, from hair clippings to me recently moving and job hunting. Communication is key. As I viewed it it’s seems normal to go through a period of feeling this, it means it’s a big decision and you’re not taking the step of marriage lightly. All the best!

Post # 13
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it’s normal. I do the same thing. My fiance does not have sensor from brain to mouth and he says things to people that blow me away sometimes. He’s also not the greatest with kids and I fear he will be a bad father because of it. He has absolutely no patience for whiny kids. I could go on and on, but what’s important is that the god outweighs the bad. He treats me like a pricess and I can’t imagine my life without him.

Post # 14
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I know how you’re feeling. All the stress of planning and making sure everything in your life is balanced is really hard. Some days we wonder why we put our selves through it. We’re doing alll this just to spend our life with…. him? But he’s so weird! He snores and bites his nails and doesn’t clean up! πŸ˜‰ You get where I’m going. 

Post # 15
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

@BridetoBe101610:

Sounds like you’ll have some “dad training” ahead of you!  πŸ™‚ Just keep your kids-fed, hydrated, clean diapers, rested and TLC and limits (without giving in) and your kids should be fairly whine-free!!!  I get whiny when hungry, thirsty, tired too! 

Post # 16
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My fiance and I waited a long time to find one another.  We have only been together for 7 months and we knew pretty much after our first date that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  We started planning our wedding (10/9) immediately.  We have also had many “forever” talks.  We talk a lot, about everything, and we realized like so many other things, we feel exactly the same way about it.  We wonder how to keep it extraordinary, how to keep it fun, how to continue to court one another day after day, year after year.  We recently got “infinity” tattoos to remind us that we are forever and the work goes into the little daily loving things as opposed to the repairing the huge things that come from possible apathy that sets into many long term relationships. 

At the end of the day, talk, be friends, be kind and remember why you’re planning this day in the first place!

 

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