(Closed) First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby carriage but when?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

I actually agree with her. The first year of marriage is usually the toughest. So I don’t see the point in bringing a baby into the mix of things unless the solid foundation is already set.

Post # 4
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve heard negative comments a ton of times.  Not that they’re necessarily intending to be negative, it just comes off that way.  I think in your FSIL’s case, its probably just an indication of how hard it was for her, in her marriage.  She probably doesn’t mean to discourage you or upset you.  Maybe deter you for a bit, but (unless she’s kinda pesimistic usually) it was probably meant to be kind advice.  I know a lot of people that would agree with her, I’m not one of them.  I feel that if you have a stable life, (ie. a house, a job, income, understanding of how you want to raise children) then you should do what you feel is best. 

Post # 5
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I second jennifer_espos!

My hubby and I are having our first child within our first year of marriage and it doesn’t mean are relationship is doomed or will be any more stressful than a marriage without children. We will be together 5 years this year and when we started dating our 1st goal was to build the foundation for our relationship which we did. I believe as long as you have that foundation, you two should be able to make it. It doesn’t mean there will always be sunshine and rainbows but you will know how to work things out together. Just keep the communication line open, always!

Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
7365 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Although her opinion is irrelevant and she probably should have kept it to herself, I honestly think there is some validity to her point.  Once you have children, you will be parents for the rest of your lives, dealing with everything that is involved with raising children.  But there is such a short time when you are a newlywed- and I think its good to take a little time to enjoy it.  My ex and I were married for 4 years before we had our daughter, and I am really happy that we waited.  But that is only my opinion (and only since you asked).  You and your husband should do whatever feels right for you- because you are the only people who matter!

Post # 7
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with your Future Sister-In-Law.  FH and I are on the same page about waiting approximately years after marriage before TTC.  We want to solidify our marriage and just enjoy being together as husband and wife without the added stress of kids.  My mom on the other hand thinks people should have kids right away as a way to solidify the marriage.  neither view is right or wrong.  I guess it just depends on your view on kids and relationships.

Post # 9
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My husband and I haven’t started TTC yet, but I don’t know why you would need to wait 1-2 years, especially if you already own a home and live together!  I can definitely understand why you might want to wait if this is the first time living together, because that’s a new experience in and of itself and can be stressful.  My husband and I lived together for three years before we got married and owned our house for five months before we were married.  Honestly, getting married didn’t change ANYTHING about our relationship except that I’M happier because I’m no longer longing to get married!  If you are both ready, I don’t know why you’d need to wait!

Post # 11
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@Soon2beeMrsM – That is a great attitude to take because EVERY relationship is different and only you know the status of yours!

Many people will make all types of comments about your relationship. They do to mine but they don’t know us at all and if they really saw what kind of relationship we had they would stop. Or maybe they will move onto something else to say.

Post # 12
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

A lot of people say this but I think that each couple is different. Darling Husband and I had a rough patch when we first moved in together last year. It was really just an adjustment period where we learned how to deal with each other in such close quarters and on a constant basis. But honestly nothings really changed since we got married. Because of my age we didn’t waste any time getting pregnant and I am glad that we already had that adjustment period. It would have been a lot to deal with had we gotten married, moved in, and then gotten pregnant right away. 

It sounds like you all are already established in your life together. You should do it whenever you both feel that you are ready. 

 

Post # 13
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Soon2beeMrsM- ok, so then maybe its not an indication of her struggles!  In that case, I’ll say that it probably worked best for her.  She wanted to pass along her wisdom which was nice.  But bad timing.  I wouldn’t want that piece of advice right after I said I was planning to have a child soon-ish after the wedding.  Hopefully she’ll be supportive of whatever you both decide to do.  Regardless of it all, I still believe waiting doesn’t mean it will work best for everyone.  Who says how long it takes to build a strong foundation? 

Post # 14
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

@soontobemrsM–you may have a solid foundation set NOW, but once you are married, things will change.

Post # 15
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

To build onto jennifer’s comment – who says you should be waiting until you get married to build that foundation? Wouldn’t you want to do it sooner?

Something I never quite understood was when I would hear things like when we get married, we will travel the world and do this and that before having kids BUT why do we have to wait until we get married. Do that stuff now. I promise you may learn a lot more about your SO had things been done before the marriage. I hope I make sense, lol. It’s the end of the work day and I am exhausted.

Post # 16
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@Aug8Bride – I have to disagree. Things don’t always change after marriage.

To me the foundation isn’t just about having a job, home, finances set, although that is a huge part. It is about the friendship, the bond between the couple as well. The beliefs that they share. It’s a whole bunch of things.

The topic ‘First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby carriage but when?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors