(Closed) First Crush While In a Relationship

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

My advice may not be popular, but speaking as someone who has been in a similar situation:

Ride it out. Keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself until the play wraps up. When everything is done and you aren’t seeing the guy anymore, the feelings will likely fade.

Keep smiling 🙂

Post # 3
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2017

My advice is simple. The grass isn’t greener on the other side.

Post # 4
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

The grass on the other side won’t be greener if you water the grass on your side. I would suggest starting a routine date night with your husband after play practice. You need to spend quality time with your husband and it’ll be the thing you look forward to on that day instead of seeing the other guy at play practice. 

In short, get your mind back on your priorities!

Post # 5
Member
2307 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

you smoked with him? what does that mean? do you mean weed?

Post # 6
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

It sounds like maybe there’s some staleness in your marriage, and that you’re attracted to the ‘butterflies’ and ‘magic’ of meeting someone new. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wanting to leave your husband, but maybe you like the new guy’s flirting, and the way he looks at you, and compliments you and pays attention to you. I think it’s common to put less effort into a relationship when you’ve made a commitment, so maybe  your husband isn’t making you feel special or desirable lately…? If that’s the case, then I would take the energy you’re putting into the crush back into your marriage. It’s natural to have little crushes here and there, but it sounds like you don’t want it to go beyond that, so work on recreating that spark and mystery with your husband. Flirt with him. Chase him. Make him chase you.

I’m honestly not attracted to anyone other than my Fiance (well…maybe just Idris Elba 😉 ), but I do admit to missing that feeling of meeting someone new and being desired – of not knowing how something will play out, or what a man is thinking. Do you think this could be the root of it?

Post # 7
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 1974

My husband has always been my only crush, since the day we met in 1963 (and the feeling is thankfully mutual). So maybe my comments won’t be helpful because I could never imagine being attracted to anyone else.

Post # 8
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

My advice is to back way way off and stop chatting/communicating outside of your acting role. Don’t smoke with him, hang out with him, text him. You need to starve the attraction, not feed it, so it won’t continue to grow.

Post # 9
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Crushes are normal. But you can make the effort to not put yourself in compromising positions and keep your interactions professional. Forget “your type” and his “smile” and remember your husband and your vows. If you’re getting caught up in the sense of excitement of butterflies, do something out of the ordinary with your husband and focus on your relationship. Marriage needs constant effort and care. You likely won’t be able to ‘go back’ with your coworker, but you can keep your marriage full of life.

View original reply
davidswife :  So your advice is…?

 

Post # 10
Member
770 posts
Busy bee

After the play is over, don’t have contact with this guy if you can help it. Don’t spend time with him outside of the play. Spend quality time with your husband after rehearsal and celebrate with him. 

The feelings should pass. I find people attractive, of course, but my fiancé is always MORE attractive than them and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone but him. The thought of it makes my stomach turn.

Post # 11
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
davidswife :  exactly. I don’t understand it either. It sounds to me like the OP allowed this to happen by getting too intimate with someone else, and she’s ended up in a pickle. My advice is to back the heck away and don’t spend any time with this guy alone. And take a good, hard look at yourself. I’d be so upset if my SO did this to me.

Post # 12
Member
5083 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
bingewatchingqueen :  The camaraderie that you develop as members of a cast is like no other, but it fades once the production is complete. Don’t act on your feelings and your crush should fade once you’re not spending as much time together and you’re not longer “acting out” a romance on the stage. 

Post # 13
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Keep it professional and stop seeing him as soon as the play is over, at east for a while.

Post # 14
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 1974

I just honestly think a person cannot be truly in love with someone and have a crush on someone else. In my eyes, your partner should be your ultimate crush, fantasy, everything.

Post # 15
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
bingewatchingqueen :  You’re going to have crushes. Chances are this theater guy is not your One Great Love that will move all the earth and heavens.  Chances are you will have more like this. 

Bird in hand (your husband, whom you say you love) is worth two in the bush. 

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