(Closed) First Crush While In a Relationship

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 1974

That is why I said my comments won’t be helpful, because I thought someone might take them the wrong way. I was right, clearly. I wasn’t going to say anything else after my first comment, but I was asked.

Post # 32
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
davidswife :  I think it’s normal to find other people attractive. I find it bizarre that people claim to never find anyone other than their DH/DW attractive. You can notice somebody physically in the street or have a friendship where they have some of the traits you like in a partner (not surprising to like friends it have traits you like)  

It’s perfectly possible to find somebody attractive without indulging it. And having done lots of plays and music during college, the intensity of the banter etc during performance season usually heightens things. I know plenty of people who flirted their way through those months and not helping ever came if it. Just depends on hiw you view it, whether your partner is aware of it and how well you are at knowing your limits.

Post # 33
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 1974

That’s what I said in a previous comment. You can appreciate someone is good looking/attractive without actually “fancying” them.

Post # 34
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
davidswife :  Forgive me but I read this whole thread, and I did not see where you were asked to originally give or to elaborate on your opinion?  I mean, this isn’t Quora where there’s an Ask to Answer feature.  If you were referring to the fact that the OP made a post on a public forum in the first place, the OP was asking for advice, not, do you guys think this is right or wrong.  

If I missed something then my bad.  So far I only saw you stating your original opinion, no advice (though I suppose one can infer the advice to be, “you should imitate my example”).  Then you re-state that opinion several times.  Then you made another post to ask, again without solicitation, why isn’t everybody else agreeing with you that what the OP’s doing is not “normal”.  That’s the post that 

View original reply
tiffanybruiser :  was responding to.

Post # 35
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 1974

9th comment down I think it is where I was asked what my advice is. But there is no point in me saying anything else because I’ve obviously caused a big deal when it wasn’t supposed to be.

Post # 36
Member
9967 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
davidswife :  You didn’t do anything wrong.  Try not to take the comments personally.  I think I get what you meant.  It’s ok for everyone’s situations and marriages to be different and there’s no reason for anyone to be negative towards you just because you have a different viewpoint.  Everyone has a right to their own opinion.

Post # 37
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

 

View original reply
davidswife :  That’s great for you that youve never had a crush, but many people have, so labelling it “not normal” is pretty judgy.

Surely you can give advice even if you havent been in that situation yourself? The OP wants help on her situation, not to just be told that shes not normal because you personally have never had a crush. 

Post # 38
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Most married people have crushes now and then, even if they won’t admit it. I agree with the very first reply, just ride it out and don’t do anything stupid. Crushes come and go, it’s totally normal as long as you don’t act on it.

Post # 39
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m in the minority on this one. I’d stop all contact at this point since you’ve been entertaining the attraction you already feel. Out of respect for my husband.

Post # 41
Member
7639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
bingewatchingqueen :  Keep it businesslike and don’t hang out with him off the stage. Don’t smoke with him or spend any 1-on-1 time with him. And what’s with going to the director’s house afterwards? Work’s over. Excuse yourself from that and go home to your husband.

Crushes happen. But they go away if you don’t feed them.

Post # 42
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

my first thought when I heard the smoking part was, ‘don’t do that again!’ I’ve done a lot of theatre and smoked for a part and it was a big mistake. it’s been over 20 years and now every time I move or in a really stressful situation I want to smoke. even though I’m actually allergic and can’t stand the smell 😛

That’s my advice on that, on stage or off, don’t smoke. As for the other, it’s really easy to get a crush on your acting partner, it happens. There’s high energy, you need to get into character, it’s pretty par for the course IMO.  Which is one reason why I personally think that Brad Pitt should have never taken up with AJ,  and stayed with Jennifer Aniston, but whatever.

Crushes will happen. I also say just let it ride, don’t be alone with him, and let the crush you are feeling help with your acting. You may see this guy next to never after the play and forget his name in time. Go ask someone who’s been married for 20 years plus and ask them if they’ve never gotten a little crush on someone else. I think you are just being human. Just be careful, and enjoy your time in the play. 🙂

Post # 43
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
bingewatchingqueen :  From the way you’ve described yourself, you’ve been acting like you are single lately. Going to the bar and directors house to smoke and hang out with your cast mates instead of going home to your husband? These are all choices you’ve been making. I mean…if you put yourself in these situations what did you think was going to happen? 😐

Post # 45
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I agree with everyone else’s advice who has suggested to keep things strictly professional with this actor and it will fade with time. I’ve developed odd crush-like feelings on co-workers that I respect and enjoy working with, but never ever act on them and they do fade and disappear completely.

As far as keeping a social life, I think it’s important to not isolate yourself and maintain friendships. However, if it’s a situation that could come between your marriage, I don’t see the point. Find other friends and other social things to do with girlfriends. Ya know? I have cut off male friends completely because they tried to take things to an inappropriate level.

The topic ‘First Crush While In a Relationship’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors