First date after recent breakup

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee

Yay!

I would definitely go in hoping to have a nice time and nothing more.  IME, having good conversation and walking away smiling is a win.

The first date is nerve racking, but you’ll be fine!

However, please please please please do not take it personally if things don’t work out.  It’s not you at all.  

Post # 3
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

Good for you! Without ever having a dog park as a first date, I think that’s a cool venue. Plenty to talk about and observe. And as the PP said, don’t take offense if it doesn’t work. Not everyone is for everyone, but when I was new to the dating scene after almost two decades, I felt like every encounter, even the poor ones, was a great learning experience. Have fun! 

Post # 5
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee

doubts :  it’s up to you if you want to tell him.  

I felt it was always easier just to let people know early on…and I did run into a decent amount of men who immediately stopped talking to me.  

Post # 6
Member
403 posts
Helper bee

doubts :  I would feel things out on the first date. You’ll know from his personality how best to approach the fact that you were married. Doing it via text may not be the best idea. 

Post # 7
Member
9616 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

doubts :  

Dog Park, how absolutely perfect!  I like him already.

For your first meeting, focus on the dogs.  They should give you plenty to chat about. Let romantic histories emerge organically, over time.

We women tend to overshare and we do it too soon, with people we don’t know well enough. Your previous marital status is not relevant to Dog Park Guy at this precise moment in time.

Post # 8
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Trust your instincts in what to bring up when you meet for the first time. I was really up front about things that I felt were important on the first date.

The dog park is a great place to meet! I left an abusive ex and met my FH for the first time at the dog park. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

Love the dog park date idea!

My advice for a first date: absolutely go into it with a very light touch and no expectations. Focus on having fun and finding reasons to smile. You are simply sussing each other out at this point, and there’s no reason to invest at all. When it comes to online dating, it may seem like you have a great connection over phone/text, but that can be totally different when you meet, so I would really try not to put any pressure on it at all.

Also – don’t be nervous, and don’t try too hard! This should be about seeing if you enjoy spending time together, and not jumping through hoops.

For the same reason, my personal recommendation would be not to share too much too soon. Like sassy411 says, it’s not relevant to him at this point. It doesn’t affect him and he doesn’t have a right to the information at this stage, so I would not be too worried about not wanting to “waste his time.” I mean, you were married before… it’s not as if you have an STD that he needs to know about.

I believe in letting stuff like this come up organically as you feel comfortable with the person and you feel it’s the right time to tell them. Doing an information dump on a new person can kind of take the mystery out of things?

Post # 10
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee

Whatever happens be, remember that each time will be different and it usually takes a while to find a match.   Each one is a lottery ticket.  When it’s right it will be easy.

Post # 11
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

doubts :  hi bee, I remember being in your shoes after my marriage break up. I think it’s best not to have high expectations and hope to be pleasantly surprised.

What I learned from online dating is that a connection via messages doesn’t guarantee a connection in person and vice versa, people look different from their photos, and nothing can gauge a person more than your gut feeling. 

I was pretty crazy on my first couple dates.. like “hey! I’m old and want a kid. I married the wrong dude. Let’s get drunk. Do you love me yet?”  My first couple of dates were sort of like practice dates where I had to re-learn how to interact and the sorts of things I wanted to say etc. 

When I met my partner I was technically still married. After our first date he was like “there’s something I need to tell you… I’m trying to quit smoking”. I was like “me too! I’m married!” He was a bit shocked but understood that we were separated etc etc 

try not to worry about when to divulge your past. If you don’t like him that much it won’t be relevant, and if you do, just try to pick the right moment in the first couple dates. 

Most importantly, acknowledge to yourself that this is a huge first step in searching for what you deserve and truly want in life and be proud! Have fun and hopefully you meet someone great!  if it’s an awkward date at least it will be a good story xxx 

Post # 12
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee

I want to know how it went!

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