Post # 1
I have been on OKCupid for a couple weeks and this past weekend had two dates.
One was meh, but I decided to give him a chance, and the other one I really connected with, I felt like, while we were messaging back and forth. The person I really liked talked with me for an hour (until I said I had to go) and it was one of the best conversations I have recently had. However, he never messaged or called, so I guess it was all in my head, and I was a bit bummed.
The second person was boring, but invited me on a second date, we are both programmers so we mostly talked about code and I felt like I had to constantly lead the conversation. I am going with him to a local flea market next weekend. How many rejections has it taken you, bees, to find a good match? What helped take the sting out of promising dates that never went to a second date?
Post # 2
I was on POF and Tinder. I talked to probably 20 guys, made dates with 10-12 of them, some were total disasters! One guy conveniently forgot to mention he was married until the end of our date when we were sitting on my couch kissing! One guy had no teeth! I guess I just never took it to heart because it was interesting meeting all those different people. My first date with (now) Darling Husband I thought he was super cynical and kinda grumpy. But we had a lot to talk about. Our 2nd date was way better and by the 3rd date we knew we weren’t going to be dating other people and both deleted our profiles. We took it really slow because I was still kinda nursing a broken heart. But what we have built is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I also had a friend who was online dating at the same time as me and we would trade horror stories about our dates and that helped keep it in perspective and just let me laugh about the bad ones or be sad about the ones that fizzled.
Post # 3
lauralaura123 : You have to be realistic and not take things too personally. You aren’t going to like everyone you meet. Why would you expect everyone to like you?
Post # 4
I think you need to give yourself some time. I mean, didn’t you JUST break it off with your long term BF? Take some time for yourself. Don’t try to rush into another relationship right away just because.
Post # 5
llevinso : I’m not…but I don’t see any reason to wait around either…My bf and I were in a LDR and before that only saw each other in person once a week. We have really been broken off for three weeks and I am feeling healed, for the most part.
Post # 6
Oh man, over the course of my most recent single spell (about 8 months long), I’d guess I went on dates with at least 20-25 guys. Most didn’t get more than a first date; sometimes they never contacted me and sometimes they did and I declined (I always wait for the guy to initiate a second date); a handful of guys in that time I went on a few dates with but things fizzled for whatever reason or it became clear that we were looking for different things. And that was being VERY selective about who I responded to. I remember getting a few hundred messages the first day I was on some of those sites, but even with a LOT of filtering, most of the time there just wasn’t a connection in person, they looked different in real life, the chemistry wasn’t there, etc. I made it a point to go on dates regularly, though, because I did really want to meet someone and I felt ready for a relationship.
I think what helped was thinking of it as a fun experiment, and also doing activities that I actually wanted to do (like seeing a museum exhibition, a movie, whatever) rather than just agreeing to an endless string of coffee or cocktail dates. If you go in with the attitude that you’re going to enjoy the activity no matter what and possibly get to know a cool new person, it takes some of the pressure off. If you go in thinking “will he like me?” or “this guy better be my next boyfriend so I can stop going on all these dumb dates”, I think that negative attitude can really color the way that the date goes.
In any case, don’t be discouraged by a few bad dates! It takes time, and this is a lesson in what you like about people and what you want. It’ll amke it easier to tell when you meet a person who is right for you!
Post # 7
lauralaura123 : I’m not saying to just never date and twiddle your thumbs. But you dated your Boyfriend or Best Friend for 3.5 years. Long distance or not…that’s a significant amount of time. Weren’t you talking about marriage and possible kids? I’m just saying take some time to figure out what exactly you’re looking for in your next relationship.
Post # 8
llevinso : I have…the questions on OKC actually help a lot to filter out people and for people to filter you out
I want someone who is caring, kind, makes me laugh and is committed to a long term future and for whom adoption/no more kids is an option.
Post # 9
I did pof and I talked to alot of men tbh, and most of them were idiots, I found that alot were just looking to get laid and then the rest had problems like wanting to come look in my wardrobe ect….hey I don’t know what it is about me that attracts cross dressers!
The thing is you have to go through alot of online chats to weed out and fond the good ones, they are out there, you can go on as many dates as you like but really it dep ends if your willing to settle for anyone I. E. Your programmer that’s ok….or whether you hold out for the absolute love of your life,
I found mine after about 6months and I was close to calling it a day, anyone I didn’t have a good conversation with online I didn’t bother to go on a date, didn’t want to waste their time or mine, this in the end worked ok because I only went on dates with people that had potential,
However I would say that if you just got out of a relationship as above said take time to learn about you and be single, I spent 3years living by myself and looking after my son, and I honeatly believe that was the best thing I could’ve done for me, I learnt who I was and what I wanted and o don’t believe I’d have found my one if I hadn’t spent those years working on me 🙂
Good luck bee
Post # 10
My last single spell before meeting my fiance was 1 year. But I only actively dated about 9 months of that time. I went on about a dozen dates. Talked to a lot more guys that never got to the first date stage. Most sucked. The worst was actually the first date I went on, the guy got drunk and kept trying to pressure me to drink, made some racist comments and ended up dropping his wallet under the table and I had to call him after the date was over to let him know to come back and get all the cards and stuff that had fallen out of it. My first date with my fiance was very awkward, he was quiet and it was just an odd date. But I got the impression he was the type that is quiet when he meets new people but opens up after he is comfortable with someone so I went out with him again. And I was right!
I’d say if you are on the fence about a guy give him at least 3 dates before pulling the plug. Personally I found that the guys I really connected with right away ended up not going anywhere but the guys I slowly warmed too ended up being a better match.
Post # 11
I was on POF and okcupid. It took me a year to find my fiance. We clicked right away and havent been apart since then. I suggest taking your time. I did go out on a few dates with different guys just to get out and date a little just to enjoy dating. I took that time to learn more about myself and what I really wanted in a partner. I went through a lot of online chats. I didn’t give my number out to a lot of guys. I actually had a google number that I gave out instead of my real number. I gave my fiance my google phone number then I let him know hey as a safety precaution I gave you this number just in case you were crazy.. lol. Enjoy the process and take the pressure off of yourself. Once you do that you will be able to open up to the right one.
Post # 12
mrsfox : I would second the last part of what mrsfox said!
My So was on that I didn’t connect with right away, I’d looked at his profile numerous times and couldnt decide if I liked him or not, and in the end I sent him a message about music or some such crap and tbh I wasn’t really that bothered, I really don’t even know why I gave him my number haha
First date was totally different though, I couldn’t believe my luck when he rocked up and we both kind of agreed that we were gona go and get drunk, 2 hours later he peacocked out over someone elsee hitting on me, and 10 mins after that we were kissing, didn’t think id see him again tbh because he was so Darn pretty and Im well I’m just me, a year later we are saving for a house, so always look out for the unexpected ones 🙂
Post # 13
mrsfox : “Personally I found that the guys I really connected with right away ended up not going anywhere but the guys I slowly warmed too ended up being a better match.” – interesting observation! I wonder why that is?
“Enjoy the process and take the pressure off of yourself.” – Really good advice! Thank you!
Post # 14
I second what PP said. You just got out of a relationship. Long distance or not, it was a substantial amount of time. Nobody is saying you can’t date but you need to sit down and think about what you want from a relationship and that person you choose to be with.
Go on dates, but don’t expect to connect with the first or even second person you meet. Finding someone who you’re compatable with takes time. Especially with dating sites, you fill those questions out truthfully; whilst other people fill them out knowing what people are looking for.
Take you’re time and try to heal before jumping right back into a relationship. Go out with friends, take up a new hobby and date here and there.
Post # 15
Three weeks is still VERY early after a 3.5 year relationship, long distance or not. It takes time to heal, to get back in the right “place” emotionally and mentally to make good choices and so on.
I was on various dating sites through ages of 21-29. I had a few longer term relationships come out of it, but also many first dates or short term things. I did not meet my husband until I was 29, several months after a long term relationship ended. We met on eharmony and we knew right away we wanted to meet in person and right away during our first date there would be more, but I had lots and I mean LOTS of first dates that went nowhere before that for whatever reason.
Rather than be bummed about it though, I just approached it as an experience I was open to. I was in a place where I felt fine on my own, so if I found someone I was compatible with, awesome, but I was not going to settle just to be with someone, anyone.