Post # 46
daisy123 : I agree the policies here suck, I certainly support changing them. My concern is that they are not changed right now, and OP could get dinged. Also, saying you’re going to return and then not doing it is the kind of thing that’s used against hiring pregnant women here. We need better laws so women don’t have to do this in the first place.
Sadly women don’t vote for the people who have a track record of caring about real families, and now things are going backward except for the well off who can afford nannies, they might be getting a tax break if this president can hang on that long.
Post # 47
Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback!
I did take a lot what you were saying into consideration and spoke to my Darling Husband right when he got home. He takes care of most of the finances and according to him the 1.5-2 year timeline is not based on finances. He just thinks that by 2 years old it’ll be nice for DS to get some social interactions with kids his own age and that I could go back to work while he is at daycare. He assured me that even if I decided not to go back to work after the 2 years, it wouldn’t be a problem!
I also got it in writing! I don’t get insurance from my employer but I did get 4 weeks of full-pay STD and then time off and federal/state benefits from FMLA and NJFL. She let me know that there was no wait it out period and no penalization.
And just about maternity leave in general, this is a touchy topic to me. Pre-baby I never really thought we had a Mat Leave problem but honestly our system in the US is horrible. I had a C-section, recovery was super hard, and I really felt like the first 3+ months post partum were a complete blur. If not for unpaid leave under state regulations, I would have been back to work before my 8 week checkup. That’s ridiculous. I am finally starting to really enjoy spending time with DS and I am getting these times taken away because our policies stink. Ultimately, I just don’t feel like sacrificing my happiness for work is worth it. Oh and don’t even get me started on Paternity Leave. My poor Darling Husband barely had two weeks!
I did ask HR for an extended leave originally and was completely shot down so there’s that too. With the uncertainity that was surrounding my Mat Leave benefits and not wanting my employer to feel like I completely abandoned ship, I felt like I had to come in. I do feel bad about wanting to leave though which is why I am willing to work with my employer and stay for the two weeks if they wanted me to.
Post # 48
I usually stay out of the debate, I used to all be for 100% paid maternity leave and benefits and what not because other countries do it etc.
I think other countries are ok with it because it’s always been that way.
Think about the other side of it. Your company had to hire a temp or split the work up between the other employees while you were out. On top of paying a temp or possibly overtime for hourly employees, they would be sending you a paycheck too.
My company offers a short term disability policy which was awesome to have while I was out on leave, but I know exactly what they went through while I was out. When I came back l, a co-worker had a devastating cancer diagnosis so I was the one covering all kinds of work (which I honestly didn’t mind, he fought like hell because he could, and he’s back now)
I do believe we need better maternity leave policies but it’s just not as clear cut as paying someone who is out while you have to figure out what to do with their work. Our mindset in this country just isn’t there.
And going on leave, having your employer legally hold your job and pay disability benefits for the entire time only to decide to not come back adds to the problem.
That’s why companies have those policies in place because they are protecting themselves from getting screwed over.
Post # 49
weddingbliss1028 : So did you talk to your manager yet? I’m hoping I didn’t miss that part. If so, what did he/she say?
I have been in corporate america for 20 years and if I could take a break, I would! I enjoy my career, it is fulfilling and rewarding, but I love having time with my family. In my case I work from home 2 days (sometimes 3 days) a week and that really helps my work/family balance. It is a good balance of face time with my director but having time at home to focus on work and be comfortable, etc.
I totally understand wanting to be home with your baby! Just handle the situation professionally. Make sure you are fair with the company and don’t burn any bridges.
Let us know when you talk to your manager if you haven’t already talked with them!
Post # 50
weddingbliss1028 : I think you do you, OP. Because employers are going to do theirs.
Know how my job avoided the situation of people not coming back after maternity leave? By being kick-ass in every other way–I’ve got a unicorn of an attorney position in private law practice with actual 9-5 hours, amazing health insurance, more PTO days than I know what to do with, flexibility (nobody bats an eye if I come in late, leave early, take 2-hour lunches etc. as long as the work is done)…Oh, and while maternity leave is only 8 weeks, it’s paid, 100% salary.
Because of this, every last woman in the history of the firm who’s taken maternity leave has come back. There’s no pay-it-back policy either. Before I left on my mat leave, I told the office manager, I don’t care what I have to do, I AM coming back, lol. Because I know I can get another job but highly unlikely I get another job like this.
Post # 51
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
Did they hire someone temporarily to cover you while you were gone? If so then I would definitely work until they can replace you again. I think you should go for it though, 4 months isn’t enough in my opinion, but be respectful of your employers as well.
Post # 52
Sansa85 : I think other countries are ok with it because it’s always been that way.
No, i’m not okay with it because it’s always been that way. Firstly, what an ignorant assumption, of course it hasn’t always been that way. People had to campaign for a long time to ensure maternity leave, holiday pay, sick pay, minimum wage etc were introduced and protected. I am ‘ok’ with it because social policies like this improve society as a whole. Parental leave is good for families, children, workers and ultimately business.
Post # 53
Sounds like you’ve given this plenty of thought and are prepared to be on one income. This first few years (while sometimes monotonous) are precious and you’ll never get that time back. Staying home with my son has been the hardest and best time of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
If you didn’t want to go back in the first place and had been considering being a sahm, there’s no point in waiting a few weeks to see if your feelings change!
Post # 54
Sansa85 : that’s not how it works. Employers in Canada pay $0 to mothers (and fathers) on leave. We pay into an insurance on every paycheque which is determined by our income level, so that we can fund our own leave if we ever require it. It could be maternity, paternity, or from being laid-off, or a number of other sometimes unpredictable situations. The amount we pay is so small, and the security it provides is an integral part of our social system. I’m talking like $4 per paycheque for some people. I think mine is around $20. Then when we use it, we receive 60% of what our salary was each month. Every mother has the right to a minimum of 50 weeks paid maternity leave. It’s not complicated and it blows my mind that the USA can’t figure it out.
Post # 55
The idea that a mother should be obligated to return to her job at 12 weeks post partum for “the greater good” is absurd. An employers issues around mothers taking leave and not coming back is their own problem. Suggesting mom suck it up and keep at it in hopes those emotions fade is cruel.
Post # 56
It’s because the mindset is work work work work, I’m not saying it’s right at all, the country is just not in that mindset.
Your system sounds like a good one.
Post # 57
I absolutely did not mean to offend.
What I meant was our countries are not in the same place. In the U.S. there are actually still people who believe that women SHOULD earn less than men because we have kids and are more family oriented or… something. It’s awful.
Your country is decades away from ours in a good way, I’m sorry I worded it in a way that diminished the fight behind it.
Post # 58
I just spoke to my manager and honestly it was such a great conversation. He was so sweet and understanding. Basically told me he believes in “family first”, doesn’t want to keep me away from my DS any longer than necessary, and that even as a man he struggles with being away from his family. There are no hard feelings at all and my last day will be tomorrow! I’m so happy with how everything turned out 🙂
Thank you so so much for all the encouragement Bees!
Post # 59
weddingbliss1028 : Awesome! I am so happy it worked out for you!!!!
Post # 60
amanda3334455 : I am from Europe,well UK to b precise. We gt a year off and some women still quit on return to work so how long is really enough for a mother to bond with her child. i do agree that the 8-10weeks you all get in US won’t work for me but yeah its tough.