Post # 1
So I think my plans had changed a little bit.
I was planning to have specific people in my bridal party. Maid/Matron of Honor, 2 bridesmaids and one junior.
The Maid/Matron of Honor and one bridesmaid accepted, a junior is my step-daughter J
As for the other bridesmaid (let’s call her BR2)….. I think I changed my mind on that particular person.
She had some bf issues last week and wasn’t sure if she was gonna break up or whatever.I had plans to go out on Friday night with FI’s niece somewhere close by. However as I saw BR2 was having a tough week I figured I’ll ask her if she would like to go out with us… offered to come to her home town which is 70 K’s away from us, pick her up and we could go out somewhere in close to her.
Since I was going to go all the way there, I figured I’ll ask my other girlfriend which now lived on the way.
BR2 was I picked up my girlfriend and the other one on the way and headed to BR2’s home town.
When we are 5 min away from her house, I text her that we are 5 min away.
She writes me back that she just woke up and she doesn’t want to go out. I said, whatever I am picking u up. She wrote back saying please don’t come I don’t want to go out! I was going to ask her to be my bridesmaid with a card that me and my step-daughter made. At that point I turned around. Both girlfriends were upset and thought this was very rude regardless of the situation.
I have decided that BR2 is out of the bridal party.
I just can’t count on her. The same thing happened when Fiance tried to get a surprise b-day party for me year before last. She made him change the timing with everyone else twice to accommodate her and in the end with short notice she cancelled (on 30 min prior) and snapped at Fiance for asking her why.
I figured that there will be more drama then good coming from that person if she was to be in it and therefore I will not have her participate.
Do you think I am over reacting ?
Post # 3
Wow, what a buzz kill! I’m sure you were super excited to ask her, and then she totally left you in a ditch. You are truley a good friend for driving all that way to cheer her up! I don’t believe in coincidence. Maybe it is a sign that on the night you were going to ask her to be a bridesmaid she let you down. Now maybe she is going through something tough, and is one of those people that needs to be alone when they are sad. But she had to have known you were coming right? She could have told you not to when you told her your plan. Do what your heart tells you, I don’t think you would be over reacting.
Post # 4
@Happilyevaafter5: She knew i was coming. She said she wanted to go out. I made sure i knew that before heading over there. She even told me when she thought it would be good on friday night.
Oh well. Now I have to decide if i still want 2 bridesmaids or just stick with one.
Post # 5
Honestly, I might cut her some slack and try and talk to her before I made any decisions. You said she had a tough week – maybe she just didn’t feel like seeing people. I agree it’s super rude, but let’s be honest, I’m sure there have been times where you’re depressed or in a really bad mood and don’t want to see or talk to anyone. Not counting the surprise birthday party (which maybe she had a very good reason for not coming), does she usually bail on you? IMO, bailing once during a tough week doesn’t seem like enough to not ask someone to be a bridesmaid. So you are either overreacting or she wasn’t that good of a friend to begin with.
Also, keep in mind that the only thing BMs really need to do is buy the dress and show up clean and sober on the day of the wedding. Can you count on her to do at least that? If so, and she really is a good friend, I’d reconsider.
Post # 6
Wow, if she knew you were coming, that’s pretty lame of her. I get that she’s having a bad time, but she already agreed to go out, and waited unti you let her know that you were 5 minutes out? Bleh. I probably wouldn’t ask her, but you can always wait and see if it was just that day.
Post # 7
Yeah i didn’t feel right having her in the party in the first place. She is high maintenence and I will have a hard time coordinating stuff with her over the top vocal input. I was only going to ask her becasue she kinda welcomed herself in when we spoke over the phone just after i got engaged. She then asked me what dress will i make her wear. When i mentioned the colours she said oh good, i look good in the colour and started naming ones she doens’t look good in.
Anyways it’s done. I honestly feel somewhat relieved. I have only seen her once in the last 1.5 years and only becasue i made the effort. Everytime i invite her I get the run around and it never happens… she is always too busy.
I can’t imagine having to coordinate a get together to try on dresses.
Post # 8
She going through a breakup, which doesn’t excuse her acting like a jerk. But she going through a hard time, she probably need alone time.
If she has other issues then all means don’t have her. However I would think if she important enough to you to even consider asking her to be a bridesmaid then there a reason for it. Keep that in mind.
Post # 9
follow your heart. I’d cut her some slack given she’s going through issues with her bf. It’s obviously rude to change plans so last minute, but again she’s clearly having a rough time.
If you have zero expectations of your BMs except to show up wearing the dress you picked I say have her in it, if not you may want to forego asking her.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Because it sounds like this behavior has happened before, I’m going to agree that you are doing the right thing in crossing her off your bridal party list and nipping any potential problems in the bud. You read so many stories on the Bee about people with nonresponsive or flakey bridesmaids, I think you’ll be much better off without having to deal with her drama.
Post # 11
If this is a pattern, I would consider not having her. It is just an added stress, but you have to weigh what will happen to the friendship.
I just dont understand how some people could be so inconsiderate to others.