Post # 1
Are there any other bees out there who are planning their first wedding to someone who has been married before? We are planning a very small destination wedding (since he did the big wedding once before). Just wondering if anyone else is in the same situation. What challenges are you facing?
Post # 3
this will also be first for me, second for him. we are still fairly young though, I am 28 and he is 33. So the way i look at it is, the first one ‘didn’t really count’ 🙂 and this is the real deal!
I am an only child and my parents are really excited about my wedding . . .so it is going to be the standard traditional normal-sized wedding, with all the trimmings. . .and I can’t wait!
if you want a small wedding that sounds beautiful. . but if this is your first, and you want a bigger wedding, I wouldn’t let your fiancee’s past be the reason that you miss out on that! just my way of thinking.
Post # 4
I am with hellorebecca on this one. He was married once before, when he was very young and going through a lot of emotional things. I look at it as the first one doesn’t count and we are starting fresh.
Post # 5
I re-read my post and realized it sounded like I didn’t want a small wedding… which is not true at all! I am very excited to have only our very close friends and family with us when we get married. I am 29, and he’s 35, and I have been through so many big weddings with all of my friends and my sister. I love doing it for everyone else… but don’t think it’s for me. We have also chosen not to have any bridal showers, stag and does (which are so popular where I live) or bachelorette/bachelor parties. I am pretty sure that my sister and close friends want to throw a shower for me anyways. He is pretty adamant that none of his family be invited to any kind of shower because they have all done that for him once before. I am worried that they might feel left out. Any suggestions?
@hellorebecca and EmeraldR: does your fiance have children? How are you incorporating them into the wedding?
Post # 6
I am marrying my guy who has been married before. I’m lucky in that he had a courthouse wedding with the ex, so we are doing a real wedding together for the first time for both of us! My fiance has two boys, ages 7 and 9, who are coming to be part of the wedding. We are so excited! But it’s also the biggest challenge, his ex-wife is tempramental, so she can be fine with them coming to Alaska for our wedding one day and the next, she says she won’t put them on the plane. Very frustrating.
Post # 7
@ rhinosgirl: my fiancee doesn’t have children which does make it easier. . . but one of my close friends just married a guy with kids. she is 30 and it was her first wedding too. it was cute, she had his 2 daughters as her ‘bridesmaids’ (they are only elementary school aged!) and they had a little video that introduced the bride and groom, and his daughters.
anyway, i’m glad it is your choice to have a small wedding! like i said it sounds lovely.
but the whole thing about him not wanting his famiy to come to showers makes me sad.i am grateful that my FIs family doesn’t remind me in any way of the fact that he’s done this before. I was a little afraid that they would resent going through the whole process again, but I truly think his mom and sisters are really excited to celebrate this new season in his life. . and i bet it is the same for your FI’s family! and after all. . the shower is mostly for the BRIDE so why would it matter that they went to his first wife’s shower. . .i say invite them!!
Post # 8
This was my first wedding, but my husband has been married 3 times! He is 20 years older than me, though, so he’s had a little more time. This one is the right one though. And since I had never been married, I went through with the bigger wedding that I’ve always wanted.
Hopefully your FI’s family will understand that this is your first wedding, and they will want to participate as if it were his first.
Post # 9
No, my fiance doesn’t have children, which, I agree, makes it a lot easier.
Post # 10
I can add my name to the list. Fiance was married in his twenties, I’ve never been married, although came close twice (we are in our 40’s). Neither of us has kids.
We are having a small wedding, also- about 14 people, and then a really fancy dinner after. No real “reception”. we are also having a big party for all of our friends two weeks later, just a casual cookout. It really was the only way we could afford to include all of our friends.
Post # 11
Also in the same situation. We are having a more ‘traditional’ wedding in that we’re aiming for about 100 guests. But we both wanted an outdoor ceremony (his first wedding was a church ceremony) and it is technically a destination wedding (although we aren’t leaving the US). We used to live in NC, but moved for jobs. Works out well though since each family is about the same distance from NC, we might well be the ones traveling the furthest! 🙂
Post # 12
The whole issue about a wedding shower is a tricky one for us. Since we decided to get married in Mexico, we both feel like our families and close friends are already planning on spending a lot of money just to be there with us. (Even if they do get a beautiful vacation out of it!) Plus, we already own a house together… and in my opinion, wedding showers are usually to help the bride and groom set up their house and get started in life. So I didn’t really want to have a shower either. I’d much rather everyone come to Mexico and/or the reception we are going to have when we get back. I am so fortunate to get along very well with his family… and they are beyond happy for the two of us. So I guess I’ll just wait and see what my sister has planned. I’m kind of hoping she just respects my wishes and doesn’t throw a shower… that way, I don’t have to worry about my Fiance being upset if we invite his family!
I’m glad to hear other brides are incorporating their new “step-children” into their wedding. We have a girl who’s 9 and a boy who’s 8 and they will be our only wedding party. They both participated in their mom’s wedding last summer and are very excited to be part of ours!
Post # 13
i also got married to a guy who had been married before, also very young and married for less than 2 years. i tried consiously to make things different than his first wedding. their was catholic, ours was jewish. they used traditional chinese colors (red and gold) and i chose a very different color scheme. it was kinda weird because he really had done it all before – the whole thing – and that became a bit of a running joke. (“i don’t know what its like – you tell me – you’ve done it before!). anyway, it was totally and completely different in every way, which was my goal. i feel like his parents were a little suspicious early on and it took a bit longer to convince them that i was the real deal and nothing like 1st wife.
also, since a big part of their relationships failure happened during the engagement/planning period, i was extra conscious of keeping him involved and engaged and feeling like he was a part of things. everything turned out amazing.
Post # 14
This is my first time getting married and his second (through no fault of his own). He was married for 6 months when his then-wife had an affair. She didn’t want to go to counseling or make it work.
Thus, her mistake is my gain. 🙂
We are doing a traditional church wedding. He felt uncomfortable last time that his former wife didn’t want any religious aspects to their wedding since reglion is somewhat important to him. Therefore, he figured out that he wanted someone who matched him faith-wise this time.
It feels like a first wedding for both of us honestly. Everyone on his side is happy for him, and they are all very engaged as far as what they can do to help.