Post # 1
I’m posting this on the Christian board because a lot of people will simply think I’m crazy and we should be sexual active before the wedding and I definietly don’t want those kinds of answers.
Fiancé and I will be sharing our first kiss on the wedding day, after the officiant says, “You may now kiss your bride.” I’ve kissed other people, and I’m not too worried about this part. Granted, it does make me nervous knowing 200 people will be witnessing our first kiss. I realize this is extreme, but this level of self-control has been such an incredible thing for us.
But then comes the wedding night, we’re both virgins and I’m slightly nervous. I’ve been told first time sex isn’t great, which is fine, there will be plenty of room for improvement and our honeymoon will give us plenty of time for practice. But the thought of someone else seeing my naked body is strange. Is there a time to change into sexy lingerie? How weird will that be? Is this gonna be a really awkward night? Does someone who maintained their virginity until their wedding night have something encouraging to say?? Or any tips/advice??
Post # 3
First of all, relax! You’re marrying someone you hopefully trust more than anyone else, and he is going to do all he can to make you feel comfortable and loved. Don’t waste brain space worrying about if you look sexy enough or too sexy – he’s going to be really focused on what’s ahead and will think you’re beautiful no matter what.
We were virgins too on our wedding night. I wasn’t nervous about it at all until we actually got to the wedding night, and then I felt awkward. But my husband was so sweet and calming – we took our time getting to the sex part, and he made me feel comfortable and safe. I think the most important part for me was that he didn’t rush me and we took as much time as we needed. Just make sure you communicate with your husband if you’re feeling nervous or need to slow down.
Feel free to PM me if you want more advice! It would have been helpful for someone to tell me what to expect, so I’m happy to pass that on.
Post # 4
While I’m not in your position, I would try not to worry about it. I think the main thing is not to build up any expectations. I hear a lot of people are too exhausted, or too nervous to do anything that night anyway.
You can certainly slip in the bathroom to change into something to make yourself more comfortable. I’ve read other bees say after the wedding, they were sweaty and gross (heavy dress) so wanted a shower anyway. If you do wear lingerie, I’d go with something simple like a slip or those fly-away slips that tie at the chest, instead of something complicated, like a corset. It might make you more comfortable, and it will be easier to figure out.
My first time was with a boyfriend who was also a virgin. We built up to it over several months of doing other stuff. I really liked that. Getting to know eachother’s bodies and likes and dislikes and explore without jumping right in. Depending on your experience levels and wishes, this could be an option.
The longer you guys do some kind of foreplay (kissing even), the better it will be for you. I think that’s why most people don’t like their first time – guys finish quickly and, if it’s rushed, the girls aren’t ‘prepped.’
Last tip: keep your sense of humor. Sex is funny – and fun. And laughing together is always a good thing.
Post # 5
Are you a Christian or just waiting? If you don’t mind me asking? I think waiting is good and I am Christian and I am looking forward to being with my FH. If it’s awkard first couple times..so be it..we’ll have all our lives together to get cozy! And so will you!:)
Post # 6
I wanted to be in your shoes, I really, really did. So – awesome for you!
The first time really is precious. You will probably remember it forever. Just take your time. If he’s overly nervous/excited, remind him you’ve got all night – you aren’t going anywhere! Ask questions about what feels best. And know that you might go from 0 to 60 in seconds.
Lingerie isn’t really necessary, especially since it’s HIS first time, too. I would go for a simple bra and panties – nice, pretty, sexy ones, but simple. Another option is a babydoll type thing that unfastens in the front (he’s never unhooked a bra, and apparently it is EXTREMELY frustrating trying to figure it out.)
My friends’ experience being virgins on the wedding night… they got to their room, got out of wedding clothes – and promptly passed out from exhaustion. Woke up, showered, changed, got dinner… then fade to black.
Post # 7
I know this isn’t an experience like yours, but I thought I’d share.
We didn’t make it until the wedding night. I waited for my husband, I’m proud to say, but ended up deciding that being engaged was close enough. (for better or for worse)
So we had spent many months of “working up to it”, so for me, it wasn’t awkward to be naked or any of that in front of him.
But I will say this: don’t be worried if things don’t really work out the first couple times. The first time we tried, my husband, um, lets say got too excited before we had really “sealed the deal” and so it didn’t work out that night!
The next time, I was nervous and he had 2 beers earlier to help him relax. Which can unfortunately relax you too much. Let’s just say by the time I was ready, he wasn’t “up” to it.
Third time was the charm though.
So I would just say, if you don’t have sex on your wedding night, don’t worry!
Oh and about the lingerie. I think I think the way you do, wanting to know how things will work. I remember thinking, should I have him take off my wedding dress? Or should I do it and change in to lingerie? Should I shower? Should I wash my hair if I shower? Should I put make up back on?
I would talk about your expectations. I know people who have decided they’ll work their way up to sex over the course of their honeymoon. Even just saying that might take the pressure off!
Post # 8
I didn’t read any of those posts so forgive me if I repeat a lot. I’m self conscious to kiss in front of everyone after we are announced husband and wife, I’ll keep it quick but sweet. As for the wedding night, light lots of candles, everyone looks amazing in candle light. Regardless, he will think you are beautiful. My best friend who got married a few months ago said her wedding night lingerie was a waste because her husband just tore it off so I’m not even considering buying anything. Well, maybe something nicer but also something I could wear again. Another friend of mine said her wedding night wasn’t great because she tripped on the stairs in her heels and twisted her ankle and her husband was so drunk he couldn’t get it up.I can’t help but laugh every time I think of that story.
Remember, there will be sounds during sex but put some soft music on and you’ll feel more relaxed. Use lube just in case. Make sure you make encouraging noises or he will think he is not doing it right.
Post # 9
We are both waiting until our wedding night too, we’re both virgins. We have done other things though so we’re pretty comfortable together. I think it will be awkward at first but, I think as long as you take things slow and relax things should go smoothly, I doubt that it will be AMAZING lol, but I’m sure it will be a great experience.
Post # 10
Congratulations on waiting! It’s going to be *amazing*!! We waited, too. On our wedding night, I just stepped into the restroom to change and prep, though Darling Husband did have to help me out of my dress 🙂
It’s going to be wonderful because it’s the two of you. It might be emotional, it might not feel amazing physically at first, but you will have such a great time with it together. Just take it slow, be communicative, and don’t be afraid to feel a little silly or awkward. Don’t have specific expectations, just let things happen-if you don’t want him to see you completely at first, maybe get under the covers. I’m excited for you! (haha sorry if that’s weird!)
Post # 11
Thank you all for your responses. The wedding isn’t until June, but really, I’m looking forward to it. 🙂
@kalliela, yes, we’re Christians. I was raised with the ‘no sex until marriage’ message. And up until about half way through college I was an ‘everything but sex’ girl. I eventually decided it was time to start living differently.
@jedeve, Those are all questions I have too. If I shower, do I wash my hair? Do I go through the effort of makeup? Ahh all the little things that he has no idea I’m being tripped up on!
@cyneswith and anyone else: Are bras really that frustrating for guys who have never had to unhook one!? lol.
Post # 12
I wasn’t in your situation, but after our reception we went to our hotel. I was super sweaty and hot from my dress so I took a shower – I washed my hair because there was so much hairspray in it i knew it would be a tangled mess in the morning if I didnt wash it and brush it out. I didn’t blow dry or style it or anything. Then I put on some lingerie and came out of the bathroom and suprised my new husband.
I would say dont feel pressured to actually have sex on the wedding night. If you feel more comfortable doing “other stuff” with him that night, you have the whole honeymoon and the rest of your lives to have sex. I have plenty of friends who went to their hotel rooms and passed out from exhaustion.
Post # 13
I think, don’t try to have sex right away. I think you should take a few days to just learn each other without jumping to sex, because it’s romantic and safe feeling to already be comfortable with the sexual side of your partner.
As far as lingerie, I think whatever you choose you should start using it yourself before the wedding. That way everything isn’t just this weird whole new world of sex and lace. Wear some really cute tiny shorts and top with cute undies and some nighties.. just get used to them before you use them for your honeymoon. Just try to minimiize the stress that comes with newness 🙂
Post # 14
@missbitsnpieces:I agree. I think if the first thing I did with my husband was sex, then I would’ve missed out on a lot of learning about each others bodies and what we enjoy.
Post # 15
@jedeve & @missbitsnpieces: both your comments are greatly appreciated!
Post # 16
i didn’t read all the replies here, but just wanted to forewarn you of something because of what you said about having the honeymoon for “plenty of practice”. i have been sexually active for 9 years now and still to this day, if i go about 3 or 4 weeks lets say without having sex, then i do, then we do it again the next day – well it hurts the next day! i don’t know if other people experience this, but i feel like i “close up” or something when we take long breaks. i joke to my fiance that we should have sex at least twice a week so it will never hurt. but the way we both are with letting stress and work get the best of our desires is that we go through phases where we can do it almost everyday for like 2 weeks, then other phases where we don’t for like a month.
so i just mean to tell you that after your first time, there is a chance you might be “sore” in there which would make it hard to “get lots of practice” on your honeymoon! (assuming your honeymoon immediately follows your wedding night). i don’t think there is anything wrong with this, just been my experience. and so i was telling you so you aren’t too disappointed if this happens – also to not lost hope. if it hurts in the first couple of days after your first time, just keep at it, it will get better!! i am joking with my Fiance that we will have to have lots of sex right before we get married so it doesn’t hurt at all on the honeymoon! (i joke, but am serious!).
this was Too Much Information i realize and that’s why i am posting under a user name i have reserved just for privacy posts 🙂