Post # 32
My husband and I waited until marriage. It was hard. Through all of our wedding planning we had discussed what it would be like, agreeing to go slow and be patient with each other. My husband had I request about my dress, he wanted to help me out of it. I thought that was incredibly sweet (and sexy too ). I was able to wear a white corset under my dress. It had garters and I attached white thigh-highs. That would be my wedding night lingerie but I wore it all day. I had lube, he was responsible for buying condoms. When we got to the hotel where we were staying, we checked in and unloaded our luggage. Going up to our room felt odd, kinda like we were kids about to do something we weren’t supposed too. It feels silly to put it that way, but we were really giggly and goofy. When we got up to the suite (yay, free upgrade!) we put our suitcases where they needed to be and kissed a little. I stepped into the other room to pull off my spanx (wear them over your garters if you go that route as we were both still in our wedding clothes. We didn’t plan for anything to happen right away, but we both wanted it to. After a little standing and kissing, he suggested we change, and I reminded him I would need his help. He unzipped my dress for me and helped me take it off. He was very appreciative of me and we both mentioned being so so glad we had waited, and that we didn’t need to wait any longer!
Did sex happen right then? No. We spent time kissing and touching, not even completely naked. After about 30-40 minutes we realized we were both so tired and ended up taking a nap together. We woke up a few hours later and resumed where we left off. One thing that my husband had felt was important was to pray together first. I have this great memory of him looking at me a bit after we woke up and telling me “If we’re going to pray first, it needs to happen now.” LOL! I love him.
Was if perfect? No. But it was what we needed. We wanted to wait and give each other that gift. Even though our first kiss was not our wedding day, our first kiss to each other was both of our very first kiss to anybody (I was 20, he was 19 when we first kissed, 23 and 22 when wed).
I’m sorry this is so long and apologize if it is Too Much Information, but I hope it helps.
Post # 33
I was raised with the same kind of convictions as you were. At least from my Christian school education. I waited until I was 20 to do anything with a guy. My FH was my first for almost everything except my first kiss. He will be my first and only if I have it my way.
Was I scared? Yes. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience the first time. It took several days and tries to get everything running smoothly. But the best part is I was never pressured by him. He waited until I was ready to do anything. He took his time and I never felt more loved and special. He is a patient man and I’m lucky to have him.
The experience may not be all that you hear about your first time, but the love that you feel, if you’re like me, makes it worth it.
Post # 34
LOVE what you said! I think it’s so beautiful that your hubby found it important that you pray together first! What a great memory to have.
Post # 35
Thank you so much for all the advice and encouragement! My Fiance and I are waiting (patiently but very much excited!) too and I must admit that I have had some of the same questions/thoughts go through my mind.
Also something my fiance and I did a while ago was to write a letter to each other (that we originally were going to give each other the morning of the wedding but have since nixed the idea because we decided to do away with expectations for our wedding night and just let the evening unfold naturally). In the letter we described (pretty graphically) what we saw happening on our wedding day/after the reception. It was good for me to at least think through and walk through in my brain, but afterwards I realized that it was not really necessary…but it did make me a LOT less nervous about it.
One thing my Fiance has told me is that before we have sex the first time (whether it is on the wedding night or into the honeymoon) he wants to read Song of Solomon. He read it once when he was a teenager and made a commitment not to read it again until he could read it with his wife, to protect himself from allowing those desires to grow before it was time for them. I think that is SO sweet!
Also I am so excited about this special thing we are doing in our wedding — we each have a purity ring so we are going to talk about them and their significance and exchange them publically, showing that we are giving ourselves completely to each other that day. I have only seen that done once but it was amazingly sweet and I totally cried…I’m so gonna cry on my wedding day! But I can’t wait!
One last thing. My parents are very “thou shalt not kiss until thou art pronounced husband and wife” ish. I personally am not but I have respected that, and I certainly don’t want to go around kissing just anyone. However I think all the hype of “oooohhhh! Every body gush at their FIRST kiss!!!!” is kind of ridiculous. So I did NOT want my first kiss to be in the wedding ceremony. I just think it is SO awkward! Why would I want 250 people to gawk at me when I am kissing my husband (especially if kissing is so intimate that it should be saved until marriage….) So I told my Fiance that I didn’t want our first kiss to be in our ceremony, and his dad (who is doing our marriage counseling) suggested two things. A) skip it! There’s no law that says you must have a kiss at the end of the ceremony! So skip it and run off somewhere after you walk down the aisle and kiss is private*! or B) kiss in the few days leading up to the wedding (he is not so much like my parents).
*I think we are opting for the second option here, but we are not following a lot of other wedding traditions — no unity candle (we are using sand), no bouquet/garter toss (that is SO totally awkward to me), we are exchanging purity rings and that is not conventional…so make YOUR wedding YOUR wedding. Dont be bound by tradition always. If there is something you want to change about it to make you/FI more comfortable, do it!
Post # 36
Great advice girls!
Congratulations on waiting! That is an incredible accomplishment and God will bless you immensely for your dedication. I’m so excited for you and your new adventure! You’re going to have so much fun! And if it’s not fun…. calm down, relax, pray, and remember that it’s supposed to fun!
Post # 37
Sex is something you learn over time. It might not be good the first time. It might be fantastic. It’s different for everyone. Take things slow. Over time, you will learn what you each do and do not like, and be able to learn what the God-given gift sex really is. Do it when you’re ready, and don’t think that you HAVE to have sex right away just because you are married. If it takes awhile for you guys to be ready, take your time. 🙂
Post # 38
Ladies, I so appreciate all of you and your stories and that others are waiting too! @Miss Galaxy I love what you had to say about the first kiss thing. To share that a few days before the wedding would be nice, but it sort of voids the point of having waited so long. However, making our escape and not sharing the first kiss in front of 250 people would be so much sweet and not so nerve-wrecking. It will most certainly be something Fiance and I discuss.
Post # 39
Michael and I are waiting for sex until our wedding night as well. I am 24 and am so very excited about all of it but I am super scared! I also have many issues with being hugged and touched, I blammed it on not being hugged as much as a child. There was no way I could have saved my first kiss for the wedding ceremony. It took me a very long time to be confortable around mike, then even longer for me to touch him. I remember the first time he bent his head in close to mine my whole body felt shock and my face turned bright red and I almost fainted. My first hug my heart was beating so fast he nick Me personally I dont think could go throught my wedding day with all these things yet to be done. I wouldnt be relaxed (not that I will be) I wouldnt enjoy my wedding… But my first kiss sure was memorable to me, something I will never forget
Post # 40
@jenntle1 Wow, you took my question and wrote exactly what I would have. Those are all very good questions and as a virgin I don’t know what to expect either and its scary. I often wonder if I will run and hide on the wedding night (out of fear or crazy feelings or something) hopefully, I won’t but hey, he has to see me naked.
Post # 41
My Fiance and are waiting for both the kiss and sex until after the wedding. In fact, we are not going to kiss during the ceremony. Instead, we are going to have the congregation pray over us. The reason for this is that I’m very shy and had a traumatic experience in childhood, and for that reason, I don’t want to invite any kind of comments/behavior that would make me more uncomfortable than I will be in front of tons of people. It is a sacred ceremony, and I want to communicate that feeling of sacredness. Plus, I don’t want that moment of our first kiss to be shared by others, but I still want to wait until we are husband and wife. Just a thought for you two.
Post # 42
My Fiance and I haven’t kissed yet either! We hugged for the first time when we got engaged… Crazy to even try to remember when we couldn’t hug! We’ve agreed that we’re okay kissing (we both have kissed other people, but not each other) up to a month before the wedding, but it will probably be more like a couple weeks before the wedding. We both have also thought about waiting until the altar. My father is our minister and we do NOT want our first kiss to be just feet away from him and in front of 200+ people, but we do want to kiss in our ceremony. We decided that kissing a couple weeks before would allow us time to be at least a little bit comfortable with it (I’m hoping this at least eases my wedding night concerns a bit). It’s cool to read about everyone waiting and to know that you’re not the only one with concerns!
Post # 43
Don’t worry! Its going to be fine!
Expect to be very, very, very exhausted. You may feel too tired once to get to the hotel to do something right away. Its fine – rest if you have to. For us, the exhaustion took away a lot of the shyness or awkwardness about the whole thing.
I talked to DH about lingerie before the wedding and he just rolled his eyes and said he couldn’t care less.
Try taking a shower or a bath together. You’re both going to want to take a hot shower or bath ASAP, so why not do it together? Soaking in a tub together is relaxing and it might help ease you into everything.
Ditto to what everyone said about lube. And both of you should go to the bathroom afterwards. DH says its just as important for guys as it is for girls. You may want to invest in some unscented wet wipes or keep a small towel by the bed. And keep a bottle of water handy. Stay hydrated. 😉
Don’t feel like you have to do it a million times a day – its more important just to bond and be close. That can happen in a million different ways. If you’re waiting for your first kiss, you guys just may want to make out for a few hours! (P.S. make sure he shaves before going to bed each night – otherwise it will chaffe your face real quick and no one wants raw, red face on their honeymoon).
And most importantly: Pray! Pray for your sex life and for each other. Incorporating our sex life into prayer was weird at first, but it really is something you should both make a priority in prayer.
Post # 44
For anyone following up with their comments: the night was perfect. And we’ve been married for one month today. All is well and all is very happy. 😀
Post # 45
thanks for following up! I’m glad you two were able to share that together and that it went well.
Post # 46
omgosh this sounds so much like someway we would feel. Like will feell like kids about to do something we shouldnt