(Closed) First large post-wedding purchase (fight?)

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sorry to hear you’re having your first disagreement. I’m not married yet so I don’t have any real advice for your situation… but I can tell you my guy is the same way. He is obsessed w/ tvs. He has a nice 42″ that he doesn’t think is big enough and he HATES my boxy old 27″ clunker. He threatens to take a hammer to it on a weekly basis 🙂

We are moving in together in February and he said he wants to get a new/huge tv at that point (i would rather not). However, I really want a great dane and he thinks that we have enough pets (he has 2 cats I have 1 dog). So we made a trade. He can get his big tv and I can get my big dog. I know you said there is nothing that you want of equal price… but what about something of equal importance? This could be your chance to paint your bedroom purple or something! I don’t think you’re ever going to agree on every decision, so it is important to do overall compromises (this for that kind of thing). Just my 2cents.

Post # 4
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If I were you, I would do some research on what is the right size TV for your room. First you will need to measure your room. Then go online and look up what size TV is good for the distance you will be watching it from. It is possible that the TV he wants will be too large for the room anyway! And if you can show him that fact in a diagram from a home theather company, then I think he will start to see your point. If the TV is too large you won’t even be able to see the whole screen at once!

Post # 5
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i’m sorry you’re arguing. don’t take this the wrong way but i laughed to myself a little, because Fiance is obsessed with tvs and he already has a perfectly nice flatscreen. he is insisting that he needs a bigger one. what is with men and tvs???

Post # 6
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have the exact same comment as snmcdowell.  Make sure the size of the TV is okay for the room you have…otherwise it will be hard to see it.  My Fiance wants a bigger TV but our living room is teensy tiny, so not only would it look stupid, but we would not be able to see it correctly.

Post # 7
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We have a pretty large TV in one room and it is basically worthless except for sporting events.  Most regular shows are very distorted on it, unless you have the HD package from your cable or dish company.  I would try to convince him to go for a smaller TV now and then maybe later when you have more money and a place to put a larger TV, you can purchase it then.

Post # 8
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with snmcdowell. Do your research and come to him with that. Also, talk about what kind of cable package you have cause missasb is right. For that size tv you need HD, even for sports!

Post # 9
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Also, I don’t know if this would factor into your decision, but those ginormous plasma TV’s are HUGE energy drains, your electricity bill will go up by a fair amount. I think I would tell him if he wants to watch sports on a gigantic TV he can go to a bar or to his parents. It seems like a silly reason to spend almost double on a TV.

No offense to your husband. But I am siding with you on this one. 42″-55″ should be more than enough!

Post # 11
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Haha, guys and their tvs crack me up! 

Not sure if you’ve already done this, but after you take measurements and figure out optimal viewing distance, maybe go to Best Buy together so you (or rather he) can really look at LCD vs plasma vs rear projection side by side. Then he can compare quality and aesthetics.  This may be fighting dirty, but if you tell him the larger TV is too ugly to look at all day, and you’ll need to cover it up with a sheet or blanket, and put all his gaming systems/speakers/DVDs in a cabinet, he may see the light.  With a slightly smaller flat screen the accessories can go easily in the TV stand and he can have them handy all the time, plus no covered-up TV.  (I think covering up the TV would actually look pretty weird in a living room, but he doesn’t have to know it’s just a negotiating point.)

Another factor making the case for a slightly smaller flat screen might be portability– plasmas can’t lay down flat since the gas leaks out of the tubes, and the rear projections are going to be insanely heavy to move. 

If he really doesn’t budge on the issue, see if you can get one with a 30-day return/trial policy just in case you get a huge TV home and he decides you were right all along.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Post # 12
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i say go the flatscreen/lcd/plasma and as long as the room can handle the size, the bigger the better – spend the money now if you can

we have a older house so we have big rooms so we have a 65″ plasma with cinema seating – hubby chose of course… the seats even have cupholders and storage space for remotes/chips ect (hes such a guy).  its not what i wanted – i wanted something a bit more stylish but he was so darn excited about it plus our thing is to stay home & watch DVDs as we dont go to the movies often

oh, when we first got the 65″ we looked at it, laughed and would say “its big!”… now i look at it and say we could have gone bigger

oh – and if you can afford it – Tivo….  hubby loves it, the way he talks to it is like having a mistress in the house but its very clever and tapes all the stuff you like that you are totally clueless that its on, like the other night it taped 1am Bridezillas for me 🙂 (its a repeat but i was still happy to watch it again)

 

Post # 13
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Ahh, the tv fight!! I can’t even tell you how many debates Darling Husband and I have had on this topic!! Just so you know, I say this while my hubby is watching tv on his (now our) 10 foot projection screen.  Anyway, it’s cool and all but if he had wanted to get it after we got married- forget about it! When he did get it, we’d only been together a year so I didn’t have any say. What I love about it is that it IS awesome. What I hate is that it takes up an entire wall of our living room, which looks ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. His argument is ALWAYS that we can put it up (it pulls down). Do we? Never! AHH! It drives me NUTS! 

Anyway I tell you this story because it is an example of what my mother taught me- sometimes, in marriage, you just have to choose your battles. A tv isn’t worth it to battle over. We as women will NEVER understand men’s obsession with big tv’s. What we get is aesthetics. They don’t. So, if this is one of the most important battles you can think of, then honey, saddle up and fight the good fight! But if it’s not? Just accept that it’s not worth fighting over. 

In terms of first married purchases and power struggles- I don’t necessarily think this sets the tone for your marriage. It’s about compromise. We just bought furniture & a new mattress. Some things were important to me, and some were important to him. We compromised. And not always on the exact thing important, but on the scheme of things… THIS is most important to ME, so we do THIS… and THAT is most important to YOU, so we do THAT. For example, we bought a new tv for our master bdr, because he wanted to keep his really old rear projection tv (like you’re talking about! EW!). I said no. If we are going to have the screen take up the entire living room, we’re not having ANOTHER tv take up the entire bedroom. His way with the tv in the LR, mine with the bedroom: a nice flat screen hung on the wall. Sleek and takes up very little room (He still thinks it’s too small.. that was a huge debate.. but I won!) I think it’s all about give and take and compromise and talking it out. Sorry this was long, but I hope I helped. Good luck! 

Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I am in total agreement. My bride and BFLFE(best friend for los evers) bought a 26 inch monstrosity for our bedroom and I was sooooo miffed! I slept on the pullout for like 4 days (which felt like 4 oceans of time)! Then whacha!, I realized it is all about making her happy and that we will make it through as long as we communicate our feelings honestly from now on. We talked it over and downgraded to a 19 inch and it is like 2nd HONEYMOON all over again! Best of luck and hope this helps! 

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@at mona…. choose your battles, yes!  i really didnt want the custom made high back fully reclining leather cinema seats with cupholders but he did – and guess what, they dont bother me anymore 

 

Post # 16
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@ eloping- you don’t need to be rude.

as an addendum to my post, i wasn’t intending to brag or flaunt or anything like that. we too are financially stable but by no means living in luxury- which is why i thought my story is a good example because his tv thing is ridiculous and one of the things that i could talk about until i was blue in the face, i think it’s so ridiculous, the obsession with size. the point i was trying to make was that it might not be about finding the best solution to THIS problem, but to find a good way of handling the many times that will inevitably arise when it’s about who will “win” the argument. it doesn’t matter what any of us think you should do, what matters is how you solve the problem and how you end up feeling about yourself and your voice in your marriage based on how you handle this problem. Again sorry if i offended. 

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