First look or not…. Convince me!

posted 5 months ago in Beehive
  • poll: Should I do a first look?
    YES! I did one and am so glad we did! : (20 votes)
    38 %
    No way! I didn't and am so glad I did! : (12 votes)
    23 %
    Yes! It seems like it would make your day way easier : (12 votes)
    23 %
    No! Stick to your guns and do what you want! : (8 votes)
    15 %
    I wrote details below because you said that's what you wanted! : (1 votes)
    2 %

    53 votes

    • Post # 1
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    Hey Bee’s,

    So I am having a little bit of a dilemma and I need some good valid arguments to convince me one way or another. I’ll give some background and hopefully you can all give me your wonderful opinions of which route I should take.

    [TL;DR: I can’t decide if I should do a first look or not. What would you do and why? More details below]

    Initially I had been very firm on not wanting to do a first look. My reasoning for this was I really wanted that special moment where my FH see’s me walking down the aisle for the first time and get that emotional moment captured. My FH is not super emotional, so I really wanted to have this moment for the both of us. It was one of the first things I immediately knew I wanted and have stayed firm on through this process.

    I didn’t see any huge issue with is, as loads of people do this all the time! However, there have been a few thigns that have made me think a first look might be the way to go.

    First off, I am really concerned about not being able to get all my photo’s completed in 1.5 hours. That is the maximum amoutn of time we have to get them all done without a first look, beacuse my ceremony and reception are at the same location. We can’t extend cocktail hour past 1.5 hours, plus that would be too long a gap in between and I wanted to avoid a large gap between ceremony and reception as much as possible. Therefore, a first look might be a better plan as we’ll have loads more time.

    Second, as I know many Bee’s will say “1.5 hours is totally enough time, trust your photographer!” The photographer doing my wedding is not a professional wedding photographer. I will have 2 photographers, both professionals and family friends, but they do not shoot weddings, as it is not the type of photorgraphy they like. It’s not that they are not capable, just not what they enjoy doing. I worry that the short timeframe may be difficult for them to get everything done, so a first look might be beneficial.

    Third, Initially I was very worried about the location to take all my photo’s at. There are no locations that are within 10 minutes of my venue that we could go to and get any gorgeous pioctures. So I would likely have to do them in the ceremony space (a garden) while cocktail hour is going on in the same space! I worry that this will be problematic for getting all the photo’s done, since guests will be mingling literally feet away!

    and Fourth, I have now rented a beautiful victorian air bnb to get ready in the morning of my wedding and return to on my wedding night. I was thinking of doing family photo’s and all that there prior to the wedding, but now I am thinking I would love to have some photo’s of me and my FH all dolled up in this beautiful house as well. We can only do that if we have a first look, or jump in the car for a 15-20 minute drive each way for photo’s during cocktail hour. I worry this would take to long, so again, first look might be a better plan.

    So these are my issues and my rationals for first look versus no first look. In my heart I think I would realy really rather not do a first look, but the more I get into my planning, the more I think I’ll just have to suck it up and do one.

    Give me your thoughts Bee’s! What would you do? Why would you do it one way or another?! TIA! <3

    Tagged: , , ,

    Post # 2
    Member
    9178 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I loved our first look. I don’t think it made walking down the aisle any less special and I really liked having a more private moment with my husband. At the ceremony you just jump right into things when you get to the end of the aisle. During the first look we laughed, cried, said how much we loved each other and how excited we were to be married. It was just a really great experience.

    There is no right or wrong though. 1.5 hours should be plenty of time for photos (though I do hate when a cocktail hour starts to drag on too much past the 1 hour mark). Our photographers could have easily done all our photos during the cocktail hour and that was only 1 hour. We actually joined the end of our cocktail hour because we were done taking pictures about 30 minutes into it and it had only taken us 15-20 minutes to do the family/wedding party pictures before the ceremony.

    There are other ways to get pictures out of the way beforehand without seeing each other. You can do all the bridesmaids and groomsmen pictures beforehand along with family pictures of the couple with just their side and then just do all the combined photos after.

    Post # 3
    Member
    4521 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    My photographer recommends a first look but my fiance and I really want that first moment we see each other to be when i’m walking down the aisle.  That moment is what all the planning is building up to and I really want it to be traditional. 

    I think 1.5 hours will be more than enough, I am only planning on doing around an hour of portrait photography as I feel it will be enough to capture what I want and then go and focus on the rest of the day. 

    Most of the weddings I have been to have done photos around the guests, that way you can include more people in the formal photography and they aren’t hanging around doing nothing when they aren’t in shot. 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1271 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    This is one of those topics that is so subjective – it’s like any other question about weddings 🙂 It entirely depends on how you want your husband to see you for the first time on your wedding day. Do you want him to first see you walking down the aisle? Then don’t have a first look. Or do you want him to see you for the first time in a more intimate setting? Then do a first look.

    I don’t plan to do a first look, and nothing will make me regret that decision. It’s all about your personal preference XD

    Post # 5
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    hikingbride :  Thanks I did think of doing family photo’s and other phoro’s seperately, but then all thsoe photo’s would be taken at the air bnb and all the other ones at the venue, I wonder if looking back I will be bothered they arent all at the same location… Plus I am thinking I really want a particular photo of my FH and I in our wedding attire in front of this stunning fireplace at the air bnb, me in my dress draped over this old victorian red chair….

    zzar45 :  I want that moment so much as well! But I honestly worry 1.5 hours wont be enough, only because my photographers are not used to doing weddings, so I worry it will slow things down.

    megm1099 :  I do totally egt the ieda that it is personal preference, but I;m posting because my personal preference is swinging from one side to the other now. I really want to avoid doing a first look, but the more I think on it, the more it is going to make the wedding day really complicated!

    Post # 6
    Member
    372 posts
    Helper bee

    You say that you want to capture your husband’s emotions of watching you walk down the aisle, but that he’s also not very emotional. I think you’re more likely to get an emotional reaction from him in a first look where its just the two of you. When you’re walking down the aisle and all the guests eyes are on him I’d imagine he’d be more stoic.

    Post # 7
    Member
    11247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    The walk down the aisle is a special moment, and will always have that emotional impact, but your photos are forever. I not only have no regrets, I wouldn’t do it any other way. 

    I’d be very hesitant about using photographers, no matter how otherwise talented who are not experienced with weddings, but would take that into account in a major way if you are willing to take that chance nonetheless. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    6022 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I am very pro first look. You still have a special moment walking down the aisle, that will ALWAYS be there, and it will ALWAYS be special. I loved our “bridal portraits” that we got after the first look. It was also much calmer, relaxed. We werent rushing around with the photographer calling out names/organizing people for photos (like during cocktail hour). It was so nice to just relax and chat before the craziness started (and after, our getting ready time was stressful). 

    Post # 9
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    weddingmaven :  I definitely am taking it into account as much as possible. It’s a bit of a complicated story as to why we chose them. To sum it up in a sentance, they are professionals that worked with my late brother-in-law and offered to do our photography for a really good price. 

    I did mention my concerns to them, and they advised that they should be totally fine to shoot the wedding. It’s not that they are incapable, they only do not do weddings regularly because they take up so much time. Especially with editing. They prefer to focus on more artistic projects. 

    Do you think I will have less of an emotional moment if he see’s me for the first look beforehand? I think thats my biggest concern, I want that picture of him being overwhlemed with emotion and love when he sees me waklign down the aisle and I worry his feelings will be lesser if we do a first look!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    11247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    gunnabamissus :  A first look is nice, but I’ve been to countless weddings and in my experience it does not detract one bit from the experience of being in that setting in that moment. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    372 posts
    Helper bee

    I just think you might be expecting too much from the moment her sees you walking down the aisle. There’s lots of cute pictures online of men in tears when they see the bride, but some people don’t like to show their emotions in front of a group of 100 people. I know I tried very hard to keep my emotions in control during the wedding ceremony. Will you be dissappointed if you don’t get the reaction you’re hoping for when you come down the aisle?

    Post # 12
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    wonderwedding :  I think I would be disappointed if he didn’t show ANY emotion. I would definitely love for him to get overwhelmed, but it’s not a requirement. I have definitely been building up the moment in my head for a long long time (been together almost 11 years). 

    I think what I really want is for him to just be emotional at that moment. We are somewhat opposites in regards to emotions and ‘flaunting’ our love. I’m big on kisses, showing affection reguarly, offering words of love and such reguarly. Whereas my fiance is much less like this, he does not like PDA’s of any sort. We’re the kind of couple where we are just seperate people who really love eachother, though I am more affectionate and emotional than he is. Years ago we would often go to parties and people would be surprised to discover we were a couple, because we weren’t glued at the hip and didnt express PDA’s!

    Post # 13
    Member
    392 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    First Looks aren’t really done in the UK (I don’t know anyone who did one). We also had two photographers (also non-professional friends who haven’t shot weddings before. They did an amazing job.

    Our original plan was to have some formal photos taken of the bride’s side before the ceremony at the house where I was getting ready. We actually ran out of time getting ready and only took about 3 formal shots (we have lots of candid ones though).

    During this time, my future husband was at the church meeting and greeting and sorting out the ushers/buttonholes and that kind of thing, plus having some photos taken with the groom’s party. Based on how the day went, I’m glad that we have those photos of us separately and that he could mingle with the guests as they arrived. I don’t know where we’d have found the time for a first look. We’d have had to sacrifice something.

    Then after the ceremony we had formal group shots. We’d given the photographer a list of 11 we wanted, PLUS we wrote an insert for the Order of Service which listed the order the photos would be taken in, who was in which, and asked a few people in advance to help round everyone up. We had finished them all in less than half the time we’d allocated and I recommend this strategy. Everyone knew when they were needed, and once their shots were over were free to transfer to the drinks reception. I thought people might find it a bit Type A, but actually we got compliments on it. I think group shots are quite boring for the guests, so it was great we got through them so quickly.

    After that, the guests all went to the drinks reception and we had private posed couples photos taken in a garden around the corner. The photographers didn’t have many suggestions for poses, so we made up some ourselves with mixed results! Two of them were my favourites from the entire day – really gorgeous. Others looked really posed and fake, LOL! After that we joined our guests for the last 15 mins of the drinks reception. 

    We’d left 4 minutes per group shot (was recommended online), plus 45 mins for couples shots. So about 1.5 hrs in total. Actually we got through the group shots MUCH faster than planned. We were happy with how much time we left for couples shots too. So, in my experience, 1.5hrs is plenty if you keep things moving and everyone knows what they’re doing.

    I personally wouldn’t have wanted to spend longer on posed photos. Most of our favourites are candid shots anyway. I love the (many) photos we have. I don’t regret not having more photos, but I DO slightly regret them taking me away from chatting with my guests. I suppose that gaining more time with my guests would be the only thing that might convince me to do a first look. I hope this helped.

     

    Edited to say – my husband is emotional and happy to show it, but he didn’t cry when he saw me come down the aisle. We did both beam huge smiles. Also, unfortunately, you may have visions in your head of Photos You Want, but it often doesn’t work like that. Our favourite two photos aren’t ones we’d planned, and I really wanted one of him lifting my veil (one of my friends had a great one from her wedding), but this didn’t work out at all due as my husband’s arm blocked the photographer!

    Also, our main photographer did visit the venues in advance and came to the rehearsal to practice with the lighting and positions. Recommended.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think you’re expecting too much from the walk down the aisle moment.  You are more likely to see emotion in pictures taken in a more private setting.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    422 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldnt do a first look for the same reason you didnt want to.  I think my favorite moment at most weddings is when you get to see the groom get emotional watching his future wife walk down the isle. It always takes my breathe away.

    That being said, you made some great points.  Any way you could do family photos and wedding party photos in the morning then the ones with everyone involved after? I think an hour and a half is enough time for that!

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