(Closed) First ones to have babies- no cousins or friends for our children?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m actually a little worried about this in reverse. As in, my younger siblings jumped on the baby-train EARLY, plenty of our couple friends are having babies now, FI’s sister(who lives maaaaany miles away) is TTC, and my Fiance and I want to wait at least 3 more years. I initially wanted to wait 5 but I’m starting to think otherwise because of this and some other reasons.

My neices will be between 4-6 when we start TTC and I’m scared that the age gap, though not huge, will be juuuust enough that my neices won’t be all that interested in playing with/hanging out with our LO until they are all in their teens or 20s and the age gap issue stabilizes. I know my brother and sister in law are DONE because of her medical issues (their little girl was a miracle baby), and my sister is probably done as well so hopefully our friends will have more!

Post # 4
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I worry about this too! I only have one brother with two kids and he just got a vasectomy so there won’t be any more from him ๐Ÿ™ I can’t see wanting to have kids for probably six years so his youngest kid will be eight then. Hopefully FI’s sister will have some kids closer to our future children’s age.

Post # 5
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you’d be surprised how groups can go from “not even thinking about kids anytime soon” to “pregnant”. I was 21 when I got pregnant with my son, and it seemed like he’d never have playmates. Now, he’s almost 4, and he has a 1 year old cousin, and I have plenty of friends and family expecting. He loves his 1 year old cousin, I don’t think that gap will really be a detriment to him. We now also have friends with kids his age. I wouldn’t worry about it, it will work out. If all else fails, you can join some moms groups in the area to get to know people at the same stage as you. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to turn off mommy mode & hang with your childless friends/family members occasionally, too! The best of both worlds ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Genuinely I think that having or not having cousins is not even worth worrying about. Firstly, it is completely out of your control—- maybe you hold off on TTC waiting for others in the family to start producing cousins, and the next thing you know, people are having kids a lot earlier than you’d expected. Or they choose not to have kids, choose to wait a little longer than you plan, or have problems getting pregnant.  Or they make a lot of cousins and all move away.  You don’t know what the future holds, so you should just plan for those things and circumstances that you actually control, and not worry about it.

Even if there are cousins, you can’t predict if the kids will all get along!

We grew up in a very large family with very few cousins our own age; the cousins we did have, didn’t live close by.  We had a great childhood with our siblings and our neighborhood friends, and don’t feel like we missed out one bit. Plus when we did get together with the cousins our own age, they weren’t nice kids so we didn’t actually like them!

Post # 7
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Me too ๐Ÿ™  We are not in contact with DH’s family and my two older sisters might not have kids.  I am 29 and the first to have baby, they are in their 30s.  So.  I know what you mean.  I also don’t know anyone who has kids!  However, I am hoping to join some groups to meet other moms.  Darling Husband works at a place with family values and lots of the women there are pregnant or having babies…

Post # 8
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Even though Age does influence how close people are, it doesnt mean everything. I am 7 and 8 years older than 2 of my cousins and we are very close and played a lot together when we were younger.

My sister is 3 years younger and is my best friend. I have cousins only 2 years older than me and I am not that close with them.

I think frequency of how often you see them as well as personalities are just as important as age. So don’t stress about them not having playmates etc at family functions. they will find their place.

Post # 9
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church

@MrsRugbee:  We’re the lone ones in our friends and fam too, although I do have an aunt who’s due in May. No one else will be TTC for years probably. But we plan to have several children and they can be each others’ friends.

ETA: My younger cousins are like siblings to me and I love them and care for them; the ones on the other side are close in age to me and very distant.

Post # 10
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

As far as cousins, your first child may have younger cousins. Sometimes that happens, but it doesn’t mean that the cousins can’t be close, especially if you and your siblings try hard to facilitate a close relationship. My sister and I are best friends, but she’s 18 and I’m 22, and my husband and I will be TTC this summer or sometime next year [still ironing out the details]. Considering that my sister is just now going into college and won’t be getting married for quite some time, let alone TTC, means that our children will probably have quite the age gap. Perhaps her first and my youngest won’t be that far apart in age, but considering that we always dreamed of bringing our kids up to be like siblings to each other, we’ll have to do our best to facilitate a close relationship between older cousins and younger cousins. My sister and I have 4 years between us, and even that felt like a lifetime when we were growing up, but now it’s evened out a lot and our age gap doesn’t seem all that huge. That will also happen as the cousins grow older.

You will defintely end up making new mom friends even if you don’t think you will now. Once you get pregnant and start socializing with women who are going through the same thing as you, and then once you start socializing your child, you will definitely make friends. My mom didn’t even meet her best friend until I wound up in 1st grade with her daughter and I went over for a play date. 

Post # 11
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissGreenBean:  I’m the same! Everyone I know has kids and there is already an age gap ๐Ÿ™ Even my younger brother has a child already. My youngest nieces are already 5 and I have a 10 year old nephew. Heck, two of my nephews have kids already! (my eldest sister is 16 years older than me – how’s that for an age gap). 

I’m sad and worried about this too. I grew up with a ton of cousins and they were my best friends! They already all have children. 

Post # 12
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This sounds like my situation. I am currently pregnant, but none of my friends or family members are even thinking about TTC (same goes for DH). I plan to get active in some mommy meetups and hope to make friends for my child that way. 

Post # 13
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t have any cousins at family gatherings, either. It would have been nice. But I do have a few friends I made in 1st grade. We are still friends to this day and they are the cousins I never had. So your kids will get to be the fun, older cousins, and can make life long friends their own age at school, church, boy scouts, etc.

Post # 14
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsRugbee:  My experience as a parent, is that once kids reach school age, they choose their own friends. So before the age of about 5, their friends tend to be kids who are either related, or whose mom you are friends with. Once they attend school, these “inherited” friendships drop off a little (though the friendship’s still there) and they make friends at school.

So, before the age of 5, it might be a bit of an issue for you, and to find friends for you kids you might want to join a play group or mothers’ group. After that, it’s no problem.

Post # 15
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I had the same worries. I have exactly zero friends with kids in my current city, and none of our siblings have kids. Luckily, DH’s sister told us while we were in the hospital that they are pregnant, so our kiddos will have close-in-age cousins.

HOWEVER, I will say that I have found way more friends recently, since having LO, than I had before. It’s super easy through mom’s groups, and great because then you don’t have to bug your childless friends with unending laments about your child’s (lack of) sleeping ๐Ÿ˜‰ Don’t worry too much, it will happen.

Post # 16
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I totally understand this fear!  My sibs are older and younger, but neither are married and they won’t be having kids for at least a couple years.  Meanwhile, Darling Husband and I are TTC right now!  I didn’t have any cousins growing up, but I was really close to my siblings.  Meanwhile, my husband had a bunch of cousins all his age and living in his neighborhood.  Hopefully, our kids will have something in between that.  But I agree with PP that you never know what’s going to happen with you or anyone else!

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