Post # 1
Hi there bees,
I have been lurking for a while and now have a bit of a problem of my very own…
I have just told my Fiance something that I have kept for a long time. Ill give you some background story. When I was growing up my brother and I were always mistaken for twins (he is 12 months older than me) and we were the best of friends. I idolised him. I used to alway pretend that I was the same age as he was and used to tell everyone that. It kind of stuck even so my mum would say the kids are 15 or so on.This stopped as we got older but all my friends knew me as a year older
Well when I met Fiance we were friends first and he knew me as 24 not 23 and I never corrected him. It didnt seem like a big deal at the time. As we got more serious it played on my mind a bit and I conviniced myself that it would be the end of the world if he found out. He does not pay much attention to birthdays and I always have to remind him when mine or anyones for that matter is coming up. He just took my word for it. Well at our engagement party (about 7 weeks ago) my step mum and his parents were talking. My mum must have mentioned something about it because he come home tonight saying that his parents said that I am 26 not 27. He said no I know how old she is. I said would it be so bad if I was….. He said no. So I told him. It makes sense to me but when I tried to tell him it sounded pathetic. Because I ahve always considered myself a year older… I dont know.
He called me a fibber and said that he still loves me but part of me is freaking out a bit. I love hime more than anything. We own house together and he honestly makes me happier than I have ever been before. He says he is ok but I know it is something that he will have to wrap his head around and I am scared he is going to have a bit of a freak out. The other part of me is over the moon to no longer have this secret over my head. I just hope he can adjust quickly.
Tell me its going to be ok………
Post # 4
It’s going to be okay!!
I met my husband when I was 19…we were both working for a department store (he was working on his degree I was just working lol) and I really wanted a management position. I didn’t think anyone would take a 19 year old manager seriously so I started telling everyone I was 20. I never realized that I would fall in love with my now husband and have to tell him the truth about my age. We were actually living together before I got the courage to tell him. I was sure it would ruin our relationship but he was really good about it and understood why I told everyone I was older. It honestly not that big of a deal. And we are happily married now so it obviously worked out ok. I’m sure you guys will be fine!
Post # 5
It is only a one year difference. It’s not like you are 35 and saying you are 26, that would be a big fib. This is a little one. It’s going to be ok.
Post # 6
I can understand why he’s shocked. I don’t think you did anything wrong, and he said he still loves you, so everything should be fine.
If I found out something like that about my Fiance, I’d still love him but it would just be weird for a bit. Since I’ve known him I’ve always considered him to be 1 year older than I am (which he is). If it turned out he was 1-3 years older, or 1-3 years younger, I wouldn’t love him any less. It would just be very strange because even though it doesn’t matter, just because it’s different from what I always thought I knew. Just give him time and space to wrap his head around it.
Post # 7
What’s the problem? He said he was fine and it was no big deal.
I have a cousin that thinks she is a year younger than she really is. The whole family just pretends she was born after her Dad got divorced (back in 1973) and her Mom and Dad got married. Now that’s a secret….
Post # 8
This happened to me! Only I was in your FI’s shoes. I kind of felt like an idiot when it came out, then I was mad, but I got over it. It’ll be a good story to tell the grandkids.
Post # 9
@Sunflower–girl: How does that work? She hasn’t needed to use her birth certificate for school or work purposes? Doesn’t her driver’s license tell her real age? Or are you saying she knows how old she is but everyone pretends she’s younger?
Post # 10
I understand he’s not 1000% cool with it, it’s not a big deal but it’s like suddenly you tell him you really have a different name, he’s a bit shocked but you are freaking out, it’s not a big deal but if you make it bigger than it is he might believe you have more to hide.
Post # 11
@BrideByTheBay: I would be more mad that you waited so long to tell me. You should have fessed up loonggg before your engagement party and I imagine that was pretty embarassing for him. Give him time to get over it if hes still angry/upset.
Post # 12
Don’t sweat it! If that is the biggest surprise between the both of you then it’s really not that bad in the long run.
Post # 13
@kate169: I don’t know. She is only a year (well 2 years) older than me. I overheard the adults talking about this one day when I was little. I tried to ask questions once but that didn’t go anywhere. She probably knows now but we never celebrated her birthday age twice.
Post # 14
I just want to so thanks to you all for replying and reassuring me. I think it will all be ok. For the most part I am just embarrassed. I spoke to my mum about it and she thinks all will be well and also said that in a way she feels as though she enabled it because the family went along with it. She also said if Fiance had any questions about how it all came about she is more than happy to explain it to him (in a better way than my rambling lol ). She is a pretty fantastic person.
It is funny how a childhood thing can turn into teenage insecurities which I somehow took through to my adult years. Well there is a huge weight off my shoulders. I really like the fact that I have no secrets from Fiance now. So thankyou bees. I really love that there is a place out there where you can ask for advice without being judged. Its a refreshing change 🙂
Post # 15
In the big picture, not a big deal. But emotionally, I’d be feeling like, “what else haven’t you told me?” Once I got over that and let it really sink in, it wouldn’t bother me. Give him a chance to adjust.
PS- Melbourne is my favorite city in the world–you are so lucky!!