(Closed) First Post, Help!!

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 17
Member
1419 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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mrs110:  Yea same here. We were sooo lucky to snatch venue for small weddings, they were completely booked for entire 2016 already with exception of that one Saturday. It alone saved us over $5000.

Post # 18
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

This sounds like a sticky situation. Not sure how much help I’ll be. My parents are divorced and my husbnds are still married. We were gifted money from my mom, my dad & stepmom, and my grandmas. Then my husbands family offered to pay for the certain big ticket items, like the venue alcohol and rehearsal dinner. After all was said and done we paid for about $5k of the wedding ourselves. 

Basically my husband and I agreed that I would have the money convo with my relatives and he would have it with his to avoid all awkwardness.

We knew we wanted to get married a few years before we go engaged (we just didn’t have that much money), but once we became established financially he popped the question. Once we got engaged we had the wedding 10 months later. We were both pretty excited and started planning our wedding right away. 

Post # 19
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

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sharona216:  Outline your (meaning you and your fiance’s) desires and expectations for your (meaning you and your fiance’s) wedding. 

-Who: your guest list, your officiant, your bridal party if you have one, etc etc. Who do you need/want there? How many people is your bare minimum? Your maximum? That number will shape everything else.

-When: If you want a summer wedding, will you need to provide tents for shade or keep it all in the air-conditioned indoors? If it’s in the winter, will weather conditions hinder transportation for many guests? Do you need a rainy day contingency plan in the spring? Do you absolutely have to have peony centerpieces, or are you dead set on getting married on a certain anniversary?

-Where: Do you want a destination wedding in Iceland or are you using the community center down the street from the house you grew up in? Are there necessities for your ceremony (i.e., an altar stone for a Catholic mass) that the space must have? What will best accomodate your guests?

What/Why: What makes a wedding for you? What are your priorities? What do you want to feel? Eat? Drink? Dance? Why is your wedding happening?

Once you know these basics you can start shopping for vendors that provide the services you need in the area you want. Start making excel spreadsheets with prices for various photographers, catering services, venues, etc. Get ballpark figures of what the simplest version will cost, and what a more lavish version will cost. You won’t be going into the meeting blind.

Just be acutely aware that your idea of what your wedding should be might not entirely mesh with your MIL’s idea of what your wedding should be–and since she’s the one paying for it, she pretty much gets to call the shots. Get comfortable with the idea of relinquishing some control in exchange for the $ to make it happen. There’s no nice way to tell someone what to buy for you, so pitch ideas to her as you go and just make it clear you’re not expecting her to be a bottomless well of cash for you.

Post # 21
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

So, your Future Mother-In-Law is already this controlling and you’re OK with it?  And, MUCH more importantly, your Fiance just falls in line with whatever his mom wants? 

Oof.  God bless you girl, because you’re gonna need it.  It sounds like you REALLLLLLLLLY want to have this wedding, but I’m not sure you’re prepared for what the marriage is gonna bring.  

Post # 22
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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sharona216:  First off congratulations on getting engaged!!!  It truly is one of the happiest times in your life!  Like you and probably all the other bees on here, I’ve been dreaming about this day since I was a little girl.  I don’t think its super weird that your fiance needs some time to “digest” the situation.  My fiance also did not want to start planning right away, he wanted time to just enjoy the time before starting the wedding planning stress.  From his point of view, he was stresed about the proposal and making everything perfect and now he just wanted a little time to breathe and enjoy our new time as an engaged couple. 

As far as the budget goes, I agree with Speck.  I made a crazy amount of spreadsheets with listing of all the venues I liked and the vendors I thought I might want.  From there I emailed the vendors and venues and got quotes and made budget spreadsheets for each of the scenarios to see what each would cost.  That way when my mom wanted to talk about the budget 2 months after I got engaged, we could talk about what I realistically thought it would cost and she could then determine what she wanted to give.  I definitely do not recommend asking for any money at all.  I think that would put the other person in a really uncomfortable situation.  Instead, you need to wait for them to bring up the topic of budget and then be prepared with all the information to be able to answer their questions if they have any.

I’m not sure how much help this has been but even though you can’t officially start talking about planning until September, I would start to do the research now and start building your spreadsheets and budget.  Good Luck!!!! 🙂

Post # 24
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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sharona216:  You are so welcome!  I can’t find a link to the budget spreadsheet but it was named Little Canopy Wedding Budget just google it and you should be able to download it.  They have all the formulas in there already 🙂  Happy Planning!!!!

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